.

2012-02-12T20:51:00.001+08:00

I read one statement. And i smiled. I wanted to put a 'like' and nearly did so but was later stopped by caution. Nevertheless, the beauty of disagreement without resorting to bad words. :)

2012-02-12T17:44:00.001+08:00

Some people come to you expecting something, and when they dont get it they blame you. Thus why i always try hard to avoid, rarely ask for, n rarely accept : favours. for the fear of being blamed of taking people for granted. Thus why i try to exhaust my all means as possible before getting help, though i know it might be easier to just get someone's help. Yet some people think one is obliged to reciprocate back their deed of free accord, even without them ever being enticed, induced, or asked to. Then they claim being taken for granted. In the end either way pun, i will still be guilty??

Thus why the term terhutang budi. It is so easy to be used against you, even if you are not at fault. So selagi boleh try not to be terhutang budi, give budi takpe, but on our part dont rely on such we really wont know when it will be used against us even if we dont go and beg for one at the first place. Of course be benevolent always, and to return good deeds even if not obliged is better. But understand also to what extent our principle allows us to reciprocate. Some people expect from more than the limit and extent of which we can offer. It's okay, trust our guiding principle, and keep firm. If people want to fault, they will fault anyway whatever the circumstance. So yeah.

I also have a general principle i live by. There is also a line to be drawn. Which i always try hard to draw in correspondences with guys. I try. There are few ocassions of me telling directly, yes directly, to the other persons that i dont like hello dah makan buat apa that kind of things take care. Serious stuffs, Important stuffs, Academic stuffs, Are okay. I will address other things but i wont layan or address matter at the more or less the border of flirting. Or unnecessary conversation. I do useless, casual conversation also, but with my girls. Yes girls. Nyah. Mama. Farah. Merengs.

Call me kuno, that is fine. Really really fine. Well it might hurt somehow, a bit, but the bigger part i feel more satisfaction for doing things i believe in. I might stay single for the rest of my life because of this, people can kutuk me and say serve me right. Of course i dont want to stay single the rest of my life, but i will learn to accept this if there is no way i can step out of the status without sacrificing what i believe in. What i believe in might change over time, i wont know. But whatever it is, my behaviour now or then or anytime for that matter, i hope will be linked to my belief system. A pure equation i mean. not a change in belief system deliberately just for the purpose of achieving something, but a pure change of belief from which such behaviour will be conducted upon. Th flow of behaviour. (Not so to conduct a specific behaviour, i will deliberately force change to my belief system. But, that if the belief system changed through cumulative sentiment, knowledge, faith, etc, only after that a behaviour is conducted within the framework already in place, coming prior to the want of such behaviour. Ok i dont know if this make sense to others, but it make sense to me).

Phew. Expressed.

Just saying.

2012-02-10T22:59:00.001+08:00

Dont fool using empty praise as a tool. Don't go "here wipe my shoes. Brilliantttttt" and expect the other person to really feel brilliantttt.

finger painting

2012-02-07T21:22:00.001+08:00

because it has been a long while since I last share my (not so) creative work. aha.

December's-finger-painting-on-iPad. yeah F.I.N.G.E.R painting.
*wave finger in the air like a brush*.
iPad awesomeness. Godek-godek Mama's Galaxy Tab... huh... tak cukup awesome for finger painting. hahaha. sorry mama, but iPad wins. :P :

Future Mail

2012-02-06T22:44:00.001+08:00

Future mail never fail to surprise and put a smile on my face. Because usually I do not remember what was it that I wrote, when was it, and when I am expected to receive it. So when it knocks into your inbox --- imagine the happiness which comes with the surprise :)

Today I received an email from myself from 3 years ago, wishing me my birthday. The email starts with HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FUTURE SELF, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU <3 .

And the email goes on telling what she (I mean, 'me') was undertaking at that time, and her (I mean, 'my') goal pursued at that time. She (again, I mean, 'me') asked me whether or not I got my vaio and if I am still using it haha. so random kan. Dear myself, that vaio is dumped already, it is now a 'heater' more than a 'laptop', ok haha that is so mean. But true what! Sigh, disappointed. I should have just bought a Macbook Pro. ok I think I am converting into somewhat an Apple lover. Adik kata 'yong ni nak jadi apple fangirl ke?'. Hep... bukan fangirl ah... orang just satisfied with their product ah!. :P *considering a Macbook Pro, ada siapa nak belanja? heh XD*

My 22 year old self also asked me about few other things. But I am not going to share here. Some are very personal and kelakar pun ada.

Oh I love future mail!

*type another mail to be sent 5 years later... *

Rather be stupid than lazy. Rather be stupid than proud. :)http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=3131683600380867551&postID=4586161860749166809&from=pencil

2012-02-05T15:40:00.003+08:00

Had a random chat with my senior. Talking about approach to works etc. then it comes to me saying this:
"I rather be called stupid than lazy."

Personally, the latter to me is much more offensive than the former.

Before i go further, let me clarify the context. Afteral laziness can mean so much, depending on your definition and context. (i know i always stress this definition and context thingy, because i believe they are important to be ascertained or else any discussion or argument stemming from it will not be smooth as everyone will be talking about 'different' things albeit of the 'same' word, so no point)....

I mean, heck i AM a lazy person. Close university friends knows how i loathed going to classes. I rather be at home watching japanese dramas or bollywood movies. I am not proud of this, but sometimes I do skip classes (if i can go back in time i would like to improve this part of me -__-. But hey i dont regret watching japanese dramas though, as i really owe them a lot for some life lesson and my approach towards life. I regret the laziness of me skipping class). I am also a last minute person, though if i am working in a team i will try not to be as last minute as when i am doing things individually. But i guess it is still not enough as i think i am still a last minute person from other person's definition of last minute. so i bet some people will find it still difficult working with me on something. This last minute habit, i am trying to change. Especially now that i need to juggle full time works and study, if i dont change i will reaaaaaalllly suffer. And I procrastinate lots, that's also somehow a value of laziness. So, in that sense, I AM lazy.

But I will feel offended if the laziness one attributes me to, is the laziness of not putting effort in a work i am responsible of. I mean buat kerja sambil lewa. Last minute or not, when you do something, make sure you really put effort in completing something. Sometimes you make mistake, but what most important is the effort put in! In LLB, my simulated firm's email account's password is... guess what: 'puteffort'. Hehe. To the firmmates, I made it clearly in the beginning that i dont mind if mistakes are made had effort been put in. But if mistakes, or bad works are due to kerja sambil lewa, then I DO mind. I will really really mind.

I mean everyone make mistake, but what is the 'value' behind those mistakes?

In university i hate studying. I dont open the books until last minute. You can call me lazy because of my last minute quality, i dont mind because that is true. But i feel offended if you question my results as unfair saying that i am lazy and all so why? Because though last minute, i forced myself to concentrate during that last minute. Not like i dont read at all! It boils down to the matter of style.

I make mistakes too. A LOT. I am a careless person okay. Sometimes we still make mistakes despite putting in a lot of effort. But to me, it is okay to make mistake if you have tried, but it is not okay if you have not. You can call me stupid for the mistakes i made, but dont tell me i am not putting in any effort. That, i really mind.

Thus why i rather be called stupid than lazy (i.e effortless).

And another one is: rather be stupid than proud.

Bodoh takpe. Jangan sombong. Bodoh boleh belajar. Sombong? Agak susah di situ.

Sebab kalau sombong, berlagak, rasa besar sangat, ego besar, nak bertanya pun jadi malu, pastu taknak mengaku kesilapan, dah salah pun buat konon-konon betul, it will be an obstacle to improvements. Last last orang yang bodoh tu sebab tak sombong duk belajar and berusaha pass way over you, and you stays there stagnant not improving sebab terlampau sombong dan ego untuk mengaku diri itu bodoh. Know what i mean?? ;)

so better be stupid (and trying!) than proud!

Hehe.
Ok that is all haha bye :)

Eh wait. Kejap:

Salam maulidur rasul! Jangan duduk fikir nak berarak sahaja without appreciating the prophet and the lessons behind prophet's action, because that is much much much more important, else what's the point? Celebrating should be 'appreciating' :) appreciating should be in the form of 'emulating' his good example. Not a skeletal parade without substance in action. Heh that is a reminder to myself also! :p

Oh and selamat-esok-hari-lahir Zaza! 1 day short of being 25. 1 day short of jubli perak. Erk tua already, and yet i havent really achieved anything. Haha it is okay, let's just keep trying! :D

Double full time.

2012-01-30T18:52:00.000+08:00

I will be embarking full time work and full time study. My friend termed it "double full time". Double full time, double the burden, double the responsibility. I am worried as I don't have the 'basics' of the study I am currently pursuing. Furthermore I am taking the maximum four subjects, which the seniors say is very heavy even for an unemployed, what more for a full-time working student. The stress might concentrate on the term paper/project paper for each subject. Worried because I am also too fresh and inexperienced for my proffesional work. All in all, this to me will be a big challenge. But somewhere deep, I want to TRY. I hope that the tightness of time will teach me to be more disciplined (heck I really am not a disciplined person). I hope I will procrastinate less (haha I am an expert procrastinator).

I am scared. But let's try to give the best.

Ya Allah, please easy my journey. Amin.

Benefit of Doubt.

2012-01-30T18:07:00.004+08:00

I have this tendency to first doubt when confronted with negative news. I believe everyone should have their 'filter'. Negative news above refers to news implicating a person. Especially when it is news brought by medias, and also those weird news some people LOVE to circulate. This tendency to circulate is very high for i) gossip, ii) politics, and iii) religious materials (or anything contingent with it). Though I am more sad when the tendency to circulate is in regard to item (iii).

In many cases, I see people circulating such without any "check and balance"! No filter. Nada.

Get, spread. Get, spread.

One point in mind was the old circulation of the 'photoshopped' lego cover insulting the Prophet.
Suddenly it reached many, and caused an uproar with cursing and all againts Lego. When the fact is, IT WAS PHOTOSHOPPED. A little effort to google will tell you it is fake. And a little effort to apply the logical thinking faculty will tell you no way a toy-producing company would manufacture such toy, it would not just cause uproar to Muslim community but even the non-Muslim community because such products are not fit for kids of any religion pun! Instead of breathing in, breathing out, and taking time to THINK, people do the easy way - 'click' and 'share', without giving any benefit of doubt!, without utilising the brain Allah has granted to us, which is there for a purpose.

It is not good to share bad things. Except if they serve as lesson or example (though manners must still be observed).

While it is good to share good things, not trying to ascertain its truthfulness is never a good thing.

Sometimes, it might be very good story about religion. But still one need to filter. Because when it is proved otherwise, yet the story been so spread out, it will backfire and implicate the religion itself. "These community is so stupid, share everything and feel good about it when it is so obviously fake and engineered. haha.", you don't want such mindless sharing implicate bad name on the community which is then linked to your beloved religion, kan? So, by just sharing without trying to ascertain its truthfulness we are being unfair to our own religion. we are not being responsible to our religion.

Sharing is good. 'Mindless' sharing IS NOT.

When people talk bad things about other, doubt first.
When media talks bad about this or that event, mostly out of political interest, doubt first.
When flyers implicating a product is circulated, doubt first.
Give benefit of doubt. Think, and evaluate. Don't sacrifice this process. Islam asks you to use your 'AKAL', your 'BRAIN'. But why are we abandoning the process all together and jump directly to the 'sharing' part. no... that's not good.

Please note that this process of doubting should only apply to i) bad implication, ii) Good implication in relation to religion, without which might consequently backfires as bad implication.

If it is in relation to good deeds, then don't go and doubt the underlying reason pulak. Eg. "Ish dia buat baik, mesti ada niat jahat." "Eleh konon-konon baik je tu, mesti ada udang di sebalik mee". "Eleh hipokrit je tu". That..... is NOT the right application of the doubting skill. This doubting is definitely uncool. Doubting pun mestilah nak kena cool kan.

Thus why we say - 'benefit' of doubt. 'Benefit' itself refers to something positive. Doubt! But doubt for the purpose of a positive effect and not otherwise.

So now, let's doubt doubt doubt!

Sometimes one need to make choice. And when one need to, others should learn how not to be bitter.

2012-01-28T19:06:00.001+08:00

Time is so limited yet acquaintances are many. As such, one cant expect another person to shower attention only on him/her alone. There are families, work and personal commitments among other things. There are also the degree of priority. Like it or not, demarcation will happen. Like it or not, time will be allocated according to situation. One might be sacrificed in favour of others, in terms of priority. Resources are limited. To utilise, degree of priority needs to be assessed, one can't avoid. The weighing might not be consistent, afterall it really depends on the set of variables, which always change. But you can see, how willing you are to sacrifice time for a person over the other to be one indication of you having one as priority over another. But sometimes, not necessarily. (am i contradicting here?). You cant make it everytime. But the thought process applied, the heavy feeling which might arise when you have to say no, or on the other hands not feeling much when you have to say no - might be a hint. A hint of your priority. A hint of where someone is situated in your life. Cannot blame. No one can accomodate everyone. Afterall, resources ARE limited. We are human. :)

12012012

2012-01-12T14:41:00.006+08:00

12012012 ♥.

Called to the Bar today.

Kata my uncle, jangan mabuk sudah lah! haha.

(Please forgive his pun. :P)

Called to the Bar = admission as an advocate and solicitor.

So I talked about the long call speech kan. The initially simple but then expanded after getting a comment from my initial mover right? Ok, macam nak promote produk kelangsingan, atau produk tumbuh rambut pulak haha so here I am presenting the BEFORE-and-AFTER (right after the cut);

Before - The Initial Simple Speech

Yang Arif.

Saya, [mover's name], mewakili Pempetisyen pada hari ini.

Rakan-rakan bijaksana saya yang mewakili Peguam Negara Malaysia, Majlis Peguam dan Jawatankuasa Peguam Kuala Lumpur adalah seperti yang telah diperkenalkan tadi.

Saya memohon izin Yang Arif untuk meneruskan di dalam Bahasa Inggeris

If it so pleases Yang Arif, may I introduce the Petitioner, FZMD. The Petitioner was born on 6 February 1987 in Perak to MDMJ and RAH. She is the eldest of four siblings. She received her primary and secondary education from SKDM2, SK LKTP T1, SMKTA, SMSM and SMKSK. She then read law at Universiti Teknologi MARA and graduated with a Bachelor of Laws with Honours in 2010. She completed her pupillage at KAAP under Mr. SH.

The petitioner wishes to express her deep appreciation and gratitude as follows:

(a) First and most importantly, for the ability granted to think and act upon something with the humbling element that everything is still subject to a higher authority, the petitioner thanks Allah for His blessings, for who she is, was, and will be.

(b) Her family – Abah, Mama, Nyah, Aiman and Amin; whose unconditional love, presence and support kept her going through all challenges that she faced;

(c) En. AKK, for accepting her for pupillage in KAAP;

(d) Her master, Mr. SH, and LU, an associate at KAAP, for the guidance given;

(e) Her lecturers, teachers and friends, all of whom have played a part in her personal development;

Yang Arif.

I believe that the Petitioner’s papers are in order, and that my learned friends have no objection to the Petition. I also believe that the Petitioner is a fit and proper person in accordance with the requirements of the law, and therefore I pray that she be admitted and enrolled as an advocate and solicitor of the High Court of Malaya.

After - The Expanded Speech

This is the speech I forwarded to the mover, not words by words of what has been read in the call, she rearranged them a bit while retaining its substance, though in summarizing my school she just said I went to schools in Terengganu and Johor (leaving out my school in Kuala Lumpur) and mixed up my last school with the one I only had a chance to be in for only ONE WEEK haha. Dear SMKSK, you were mistakenly left out and were not mentioned just now, but I treasure you nonetheless *heart*. I told her to just strike the part of me initially not liking law if she thinks it was not necessary, so she summarized it a bit. On En. AKK, the mover actually added in to say (cant remember the exact words) that among the circle of senior lawyers En. AKK has the reputation of being daunting to the pupils. haha. Yeaaah, right. :P But a respected person he is. I really appreciate Puan Hendon's help to move the call, especially when it was a last minute request :) Ok enough blabbering, here is the speech before some minor amendments by the mover:

Yang Arif.

Saya, [mover's name], mewakili Pempetisyen pada hari ini.

Rakan-rakan bijaksana saya yang mewakili Peguam Negara Malaysia, Majlis Peguam dan Jawatankuasa Peguam Kuala Lumpur adalah seperti yang telah diperkenalkan tadi.

Saya memohon izin Yang Arif untuk meneruskan di dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

If it so pleases Yang Arif, may I introduce the Petitioner, FZMD.
The Petitioner was born on 6 February 1987 to MDMJ and RAH. She is the eldest of four siblings.

Treasuring all her schools as they were the places she was educated at, by providing her with bits and pieces which when compiled together formed part of her outlook and her manner of approaching life, she wishes that all of them be given the mention, to show her appreciation. The Petitioner received her primary and secondary education from SKDM2, SK LKTP T1, SMKTA, SMSM and SMKSK.

In school, every year, there will always be this form where students are expected to fill in their ambition. The Petitioner had always fill in these three careers; ‘doctor’, ‘scientist’, or ‘teacher’. Never once did the word ‘lawyer’ appears on the lists. But when the time came to fill in the UPU application form, she surprisingly put law as her first three choice. Matriculation offer for pure science came in. The parents suggested that she enrol first and that she can later opt for law if the UPU offer comes in. But she insisted she was going to turn down the matriculation offer and wait for the UPU offer instead. She was offered a place to read law at Universiti Teknologi MARA. Initially, she found herself not liking the field and kind of regretted her decision. She did not think she belongs to the field. But as this one Quranic verse goes: “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” Holding to that, she tried to learn to love the field and to persevere by giving her best at the given moment. Magically, her final year transformed her attitude. She love her final year. She finally feels belong and started to become somewhat defensive if people start to look down at the profession. She graduated with a Bachelor of Laws with Honours in 2010… without any tint of her initial regret.

Upon graduating, she applied for pupillage in few firms in Kuala Lumpur. Among all the interviews she walked in, it was the interview at KAAP which gave her a lasting impression. It was an hour grilling session with En. AKK. She was asked to list down her daily routines on the white board. She was also asked to go to the firm’s library to borrow a book on critical thinking, having her take the book home and to return back once she finished reading it. She was also made to feel very stupid in the interview, which she later found out to be his trademark modus operandi – to make everyone feel stupid. But what follows were series of philosophical motivations that there is always the possibility to rise had effort been put in. Petitioner also remembers clearly when he said, “studying and learning are two different things. You can read, but you might not necessarily learn”. He then proceeded to quote Alvin Toffle; “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn”. She was offered a place at the end of the interview but she requested to be given time to think through. At home, with the firm’s book in her possession, she actually had a thought of returning it but without accepting the offer. Fact was, the interview scared her. But thinking through, it was a challenge she should take and not to cower. She took the offer, and today she can say that she has no regret. She wishes to take this opportunity to thank En. AKK for accepting her into KAAP, and giving her the opportunity, to learn.

In KAAP, she was put under the guidance of Mr. SH, which to her is an unconventional master. She still remembers the first time she approached her master for his signature. It was for a summon in chamber for the purpose of her locus for her period of pupillage. He refused to sign straight away but asked her to go through the High Court Rules, the Legal Profession Act, the Commissioner for Oath Rules, and any other relevant rules and then to brief him the reason why the summon in chambers need to be filed, what is its purpose, the requirement in relation to attestation, the rules and law they derived from, and why we do things the way we do things. When the Petitioner shared the story with her friends, some saw it as a petty mean of making things difficult. But Petitioner was very sure that was not the intention. It was the foundation her master was trying to nurture, through practice – on the importance of understanding the reason behind the way we do things, the manner we do things and not to do something just for the mere sake of doing things. And whether or not they are supported and substantiated with the law giving authority. The Petitioner expressed her deep appreciation and gratitude to Mr. SH for all the guidance given and lessons she learned.

Petitioner also wishes to thank LU, an associate at Kadir, Andri & Partners who also deserved her mention for the unrelentless guidance given.

The thank-you-list will not be complete without the Petitioner expressing her utmost gratitude and appreciation to those who matter most; her family. To Abah and Mama, for always being there to support her through thick and thin, for providing her with good foundation in preparing her for life, and for loving her unconditionally. She can’t find any suitable words to show her appreciation, because she believes that there are no words capable of illustrating what she actually feels. She wishes to specifically mention here how she really appreciates to know that her Abah had actually cancelled; his meeting, interview session, and site visit, in relation to his work outside the state; – just to be able to attend the session today. Her Mama also, for the last minute cancellation of her leave, to then apply for leave again, to be able to attend this session. These are all last minute adjustments as her call day was shifted twice from the initially fixed 9 January session because of security reason.

Her appreciation also goes to Nyah, her sister, who is also her bestfriend,, and her beloved brothers, Aiman and Amin. They make a lot of difference just for ‘being there’ in her life. They are the Petitioner’s source of support.

She also wishes to thank her lecturers, teachers and friends, all of whom have played a part in her personal development.

Most important, for the ability granted to think and act upon something with the humbling element that everything is still subject to a higher authority, the petitioner thanks Allah for His blessings, for who she is, was, and will be.

Yang Arif.

I believe that the Petitioner’s papers are in order, and that my learned friends have no objection to the Petition. I also believe that the Petitioner is a fit and proper person in accordance with the requirements of the law, and therefore I pray that she be admitted and enrolled as an advocate and solicitor of the High Court of Malaya.

Now now now, that was a big jump from being a simple speech to just a very long one isn't it?!? haha. XD

Long call speech

2012-01-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

I was expecting my long call speech to be the most boring speech ever. My master asked me to keep it simple. And I DID. It was so simple (and boring) that my mover was utterly surprised when she reviewed it. "Hey, this will be your day", she said. She mentioned that she never came across such a simple speech before, as the pupils' speech which she reviewed usually have the tendency of going on and on. She proceeded to ask me questions, and started to incorporate things into the speech. The thank-yous were expanded to include the moment between me and my master, the moment between me and the big boss who accepted me into the firm, etc. She asked me to expand the thank you to my parents also, to make it more personal. At home, I revised and expanded the speech. I was expecting my master to have quite a surprise to listen to the new expanded speech (he vetted through the initial and simple boring speech) on the day of the call itself. But I guess that is no longer a concern as he will not be attending because of the new date. As my initial mover is also not available, I will see my new mover soon, and to pass her the expanded speech to go through. Let see if she thinks it is too draggy pulak, since it has been expanded la kan haha.

Depending on the mood, might post to prove how boring my initial speech was, and how it has been expanded. the before and after. haha. But let see first if tomorrow it goes edited or not. Ok bye.

Jom jadi saintis berjaya. Formula hebat. (erk?)

2012-01-10T19:07:00.001+08:00

Usually, we doubt others because we ourselves have the tendency to do something which is the reason of the doubt. It talks much about 'us'. So before we doubt others, before we think bad about others, before we find bad motive in the action of others, or senang kata berburuk sangka terhadap orang lain, we really really need to remind and make ourselves aware that we might actually be in possession of all the bad qualities. yes, mungkin tanpa sedar, yes, without realizing. Because: when we tend to do/feel/think/say in certain pattern, we tend to expect others to do/feel/think/say the same pattern. Even though we are saying "eh no I am saying this by considering what he/she will feel on his/her end", more often than not that we will have some of our tendency spilt over in formulating the other person's feeling/response/etc. our formulation. Because naturally we tend to look at things more from our perspective.

The funny thing is, if it is our good quality, we hardly seems to attribute the pattern to others because haha we human are just funny creatures. we love to think good about ourselves, and are more inclined and satisfied to believe that only us possess the good quality. The bad quality? We try to discard it (albeit ineffectively) by using the above method; -- thinking or expecting bad about others. Simply said, berburuk sangka.

Kelakar tak manusia? Funny right?

So......
if we need to formulate, let do a good formulation. We are formulating, take pride in our work la kan! Kita formulate sangkaan, so jom formulate sangkaan yang baik. Bila kita berburuk sangka, kita formulate sangkaan yang tak baik. That will be our product -- bad formulation.

People won't see the bad formulation as the determinant of the character of the other party which we based our formulation on. But the approach will be this;

"Ohhh bad formulation. Bad product. Who's the formulator?"

Yes. WHO . IS . THE . FORMULATOR ?

Yes you, yes us, yes me, yes anyone making the formulation. It talks about us.

Bila lagi nak jadi scientist berjaya kan? Saintis berjaya yang mengeluarkan formula-formula hebat. Taknaklah bila ditanya eh formula apa yang dihasilkannya? "sangkaan buruk." Haish. Simpang!

Sebab tu Nabi selalu ingatkan:
BERSANGKA BAIK.
That is why the Prophet has always reminded us to:
THINK GOOD ABOUT OTHERS.
yea I know bad translationnnn.

:)

Ok. Ok. reminder untuk diri sendiri jugak.

pass around like a ball.

2012-01-10T17:53:00.003+08:00

Hellooo. Hmm... another entry again? Been using my extra free times to blog it seems. In contrast to my stated aim of using the one month off to 'strengthen the foundation' ugh whatever really does that means :P haha.

My pupillage period is over way back early October last year. But I haven't been called to the bar yet. Been waiting and waiting. First it was scheduled on 16 January 2012. Then brought earlier and fixed at 9 January 2012, before being postponed to February because of the infamous Anwar's judgment day. And last minute I was informed of a change of date, again.

Things were becoming quite invonvenient actually:

Abah had to cancel all his meeting, plan, interview session, and site visit outside the state!
My master cannot make it on the new date.
The mover my master helped to find will not be available on the new date as well.
I have to find a new mover. Making last minute request.
Mom who had applied for leave had to cancel, and then to apply for leave again, short notice.
My robe rental booking payment burned. (hope my cousin can lend her robe to me. And bib too if she still has it. Or else, I will need to hunt one now.)

But I guess at the end of the day, there are some hikmah behind everything. I might not realize it now, and might not be able to appreciate it yet because so far I have not had a grasp of the real big picture. So, what to do? Redha lah kan? OK that's my attempt to be positive. hahaha. (yeah right, after complaining :P). XD

Oh and on another note.

Have you ever feel indifferent and that certain thing is of no issue to you but when it really happens, a part of you actually take notice and discreetly goes alaaa... , but then you go oh ok nevermind nothing big (but mind you the alaaa.. was still there). I found it funny. You always thought you will feel indifferent towards certain thing, but later realize when something happens it DOES has some impact. You actually feel something, not outright indifferent afterall. .....well, maybe that just shows how human we are. :)

Later!

'Forget about rights, worry about obligations.'

2012-01-09T02:07:00.000+08:00

love this lecture. very much. :)

The Healthy Marriage - Nouman Ali Khan

it doesn't go straight away into the topic of healthy marriage.

But good starting foundation nevertheless.

Online presence.

2012-01-07T18:16:00.001+08:00

Coming to a stage where one think Online presence will bring more harm than good. Or at a professional level, a colleague, a client can just type in your name and tadaa google results will show them the path to your facebook, twitter, your participated forum, your blog! Etc. scary is your blog of course because you kept harping about things in it, the personal ramblings and if you have had the blog for long, then all the childish talks and the graph of changes you undertook. It can be funny actually when you read what you wrote years ago. Sometimes, even months gap can surprise you. The tone, the approach towards life, etc. Tells a lot. Especially if you ramble a lot in your blog la. Especially if you mixed all and everything la. Then you started to become paranoid. The what ifs. What if people use your blog post to mock you. What if people use your blog post to judge you. What if people use your blog post to defame you. What if people use your blog post to evaluate you in relation to your 'work' (though they are two unrelated things). What if people use your blog post to look down on you. What if your boss suddenly stumble into your blog and read all your useless ramblings, to see you posting up your artistic works, to sometimes touch on politic and sometimes just being plain childish. I dont talk bad about my workplace publicly so that part I am safe haha. Well even if talk about my boss I think I only have good things to talk about him, so that is not even an issue. More about the the personal part. Even more paranoid if clients stumble into your blog and read all stuffs that you wrote, which is outside the professional sphere anyway. Then when they meet you, they will be like.... Ohhh. Don' know how to explain but I hope you get the idea? Online presence suddenly becoming daunting. But then, ah, you have your professional personality, you have your not so professional personality too right. I like to draw. Sometimes I posted my work online. I like Bollywood *coughcough*. sometimes I complain. I talked randomly. Sometimes useless rambling. Sometimes I go into my serious mode and pen boring serious entry article-ish. Sometimes I posted personal pictures. Just because I do all these things, - do not summarise how I am at work kan? So should online presence be 'that' daunting? Well, I will let time andwers that.

p/s: i am on my one month off. Feel kind of mati kutu. Hmm. Mid january - class registration. Until then, either rest, goyang kaki or go into reading sprees.

Bye 2011, hello 2012.

2012-01-02T11:53:00.002+08:00

Screening 2011, a lot of things happen. Personally, spiritually and proffessionally.

Professionally,

The pupillage period has been a great teacher. Not just about the subject matter as in the law itself, but also about life.

The unique kick off interview, put into you a doubt as well as a possibility to rise upon it - the philosophical motivation which was laced into it. One might saw it as a harsh session. But not without value, I personally feel. Few stages in - there were insecurities, there were confusions, there were doubts, there were questions demanding answers. Walking along, as time goes by, the road no longer feel that much strange, and the journey became more accomodating. Alhamdulillah.

I reached also a crossroad, of making a decision. The future is not clear, it never was. It was tough, but I went pass through that stage. I just hope I took a right decision, and that it is the closest to the best decision I can make in light of the situations surrounding at that time.

Strengthening more the principle I hold to, about giving the best at given moment, and that we are competing with our own selves, not others. When we compete with others, we might tend to try put others down. But when we compete with ourself, we are improving ourself, and insyaAllah, indirectly we might then rise beyond others. if not then no big heartache, because you are a step forward already for your personal development. That is what matters most. Sometimes people might try to screen your effort, people might try to take credits, people might try to put other people in bad light so just to make them seen good, (I have seen these - this is more of the compete-with people-type), but believe me, this might works only for few times, one day you will be seen through, most of the time you will need to stand on your capability 'in' you, and not the deceptive screen you built. And though people might take credits of what you are doing and stuffs, never give up on the principle of giving the best at given moment, it forms part of your attitude, and it gives quality in things that you do, even when you know no one is watching. Cumulative. InsyaAllah, one day it will shine upon you and people will eventually take notice. Life is fair when you look at it in its bigger context. If you choose to look at things selectively, then of course you would think life is unfair :) ok that's that.

Basic logic. Study about logic. 2011 been treating me with this. The kick off interview for my pupillage - I was given a book by the big boss on critical thinking, on basic logic. 'take this book, and read. You can return it anytime.' Then, few months into pupillage, my master's topic for the in-house seminar was .... 'Basic logic in approaching issues'. *bulb lights* ohh the books big boss asked me to read. And then comes my interview for my postgraduate - master program. The professor asked me about few things, about law (when he knows my law background), a bit about Islamic finance, very casually. But then he asked about the flow of arguments, about style of writing, about the chain of reasoning. I mentioned to him about premise, inference, conclusion etc. Then he asked, 'do you study logic?'. A bit, I said. How a conclusion can be logical but incorrect, how a conclusion can be correct but the chain of reasoning illogical, and stuffs. Of all the questions he asked, on law and other stuffs, it was when I talked about logic that I saw him more interested. 'so you study logic?', 'informally.', 'they didn't teach this in school?', 'ermm... no', 'they should'. And yes, I concur. We need to teach the generation more on how to 'think'. The 'process' more than the 'result'. I have always been an advocate for that.

So yeah been fed with basic logic, basic logic, and basic logic. The lesson was scattered previously, very informally. but this time very focused and berdebuk sebegitu haha.

I learnt through the reflection of myself in other people too! One important lesson I must say.

The principle of involvement has been even more strengthened in me. We might not be able to make people agree, but the rule is to try the best to involve people in, so they would 'understand'. It is not so much about agreement. But about transparency. Disagreeing, with or without the element of understanding why the other party takes a different approach, make one hell of a DIFFERENCE!. Believe me.

Put value in disagreement. Put value also when agreeing. Again, it is the process more than the result.

Personally,

I stumbled. A bit. Early this year, I found my heart to be a bit accepting. I have always have it guarded. To me, when time is right, then no problem. But not for something which is very much in the position of uncertainty. For the serious only. yes I am still very much conservative and traditional at that. So yeah, I had always been very firm and been putting myself on guard. ....until early of 2011. I don't know why, but after a very looooong time, my heart had its guard down. But then I figured, shouldn't be like this. Things felt not right. Withdrew. Should be firm. Only for the serious, and only when the time is right. I can't accept flirting and stuffs. But only when parties are prepared, serious and ready to take responsibility. the proper way. (Am I boring, old or what? Haha.) and it should also be a relationship that makes you feel closer to god. If it creates more distance, then something is wrong. So I have been invoking to Him, and slowly I built again the guard and screened my heart. I really hope this is for the best... For everyone.

Also made me learnt, and it emphasized on don't be too confident, and keep being humble. Because god might one day shows you the opposite of what you think you are. 'usually i am strong and can handle stress' , then you are put in a situation where the burden felt so heavy. 'i don't like [insert]', but it might be a day where you find yourself doing something you don't like or gulping down what you once said.

So. Be humble.

The family lost opah. I wrote about this. I saw Abah as a good son. I always see him as a good son, but even more. It put pressure on me, whether i will be able to be as good as him. But true what they say, most of the time, children learn from observing their parents. If I become a parent, I must show good example, I must discard my bad habit. I can talk, give words of advice, but it is actually through 'action' that will make things really seep in.

There was the accident. Car - total loss. Skidded, berpusing dan terbalik. but me in one piece Alhamdulillah.

My close friends engaged! Alynn, a close friend from university. Nadia, a close friend from highschool. Kak nadia also engaged. Happy for them. :D sendiri? I don't know haha.

In 2012, I am going to juggle between work and study. i really hope i can manage. Am quite scared actually.

Ya Allah, let 2012 be a continuous journey towards betterment.

(it is not about 2011, 2012 or anything. Life is always a continuous journey. So pick any point of time, make resolution, and see it through :))

Bye 2011.

2012-01-01T19:08:00.001+08:00

Let's screen 2011. What have we learnt, and what have we achieved? Then from where we left off, let 2012 be a continous journey towards betterment. :)

My 2011 in summary coming soon. (not that you care). :D

Earned Respect

2011-12-27T20:41:00.001+08:00

Respect is 'earned'.

While i have always mentioned how I respect my boss, thinking back, they are mostly on how he thinks, works, and approach things. But today, he definitely earned my respect of him,

AS A PERSON.

He is a good, responsible boss. This is the kind of person whom i can see loyalty be given for.

Alhamdulillah.

Opah.

2011-12-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

In that room, 4 generations cramped in. Opah has 9 childrens, 8 of which are still alive. The childrens have childrens, and some of the childrens' childrens have childrens. The four generations filled that hospital room, taking turns.

Abah had been there beside Opah, holding her hands, accompanying her in the hospital together with the other siblings, taking turns. Abah is a good son. He is a good example to me, his own daughter. Seeing how he treated Opah, I really feel the pressure. would I be able to be half as good as him? Ya Allah, when the time comes, please don't let it comes to him that he did this and this and this much for his mother but his own daughter can't do this and this much for him. Please don't. That will be heart breaking. Ya Allah, when the time comes, please let the scenes I have been witnessing these few days be a clear broadcast, something etched deep so one day I have no problem emulating - the willingness to serve out of pure love. Don't let my heart be as hard as stone. Don't let me feel indifferent to the situation. Amin.

Oh. And please, let me be strong. I see Wan Chu as a very strong person. She contains her emotion very well while tending to Opah. I want to be strong too. Because I realize I am very very weak. I can't even get close to Opah. When I hold her hands, when I look at her I will start tearing up. I just can't stand besides her, I can't seem to be able to manage my emotion. I can't really stand besides her, holding her hand, looking at her. what a pity if you ask me. I ended up sitting in a corner, hiding myself behind a chair so I won't really see her weak face, wiping tears, and trying hard to contain myself from bursting.

Wan Chu hugged me and tried to calm me. She asked me to pray together so the transition will be made easy on her. I shared her sentiment. Actually, I realize though many are sad, they are willing to let her go, but with the hope that her transition be smooth and easy. Biar dipermudahkan pemergian. It is heartbreaking to see your loved one suffers.

Abah even, is hoping that she will go not in pain. Me too, I have been finding myself praying that her transition is made easier that she will not really suffer,not the panjang umur cepat baik kind of prayer. The fact is, she is very old, She is in her late 80. nearing 90 year old. Her body is weak. and she was diagnosed with acute leukimia, stage 4.

You know what, we never knew about her disease. Despite her age, I consider her strong. Before hospitalization, she was still walking you know, though very slowly with the assistance of her tongkat. She was strong and stubborn. She was very stubborn that her concern was always not to be a burden to others that she will always try to project that she is okay, she is fine and the like.

......to think that she was actually in her stage 4 of leukimia.

The blood test result was always there, staring in the face, but the previous doctors could not interpret it. Their specialization might be different. They know she had low red blood cells, so they had been giving her iron and medication to increase her red blood cell. It did not occur to them that she was suffering from leukimia. When we found out, she was already extremely extremely sick. Rewinding back, Opah caught flu and cough. Then, she started feeling pain in her chest and her back. Usually if she is sick, and when we want to bring her to clinic she will always refuse, saying she is okay and stuffs. Abah will bring her still, but in force (i mean he will insist despite Opah refusing). But this time around, she complained of chest pain, and when Mama suggested going to the hospital, she actually answered 'anywhere', and that answer showed that it must really pained her for her to willingly surrender herself like that.

Her presence at the sofa at the living room had always be a greeting presence on returning from work.

Kind of becoming a routine to find her there. First few days after her passing, returning home after work..... just felt.... different.

Semoga ditempatkan di kalangan orang beriman.

The floating feeling.

2011-11-30T19:27:00.001+08:00

I have been having second thoughts about a lot of things. I have lots of questions too. Something feel very heavy but i dont know what it is, something i cant point out. I just feel.... I dont know. I just got off the phone with a friend, quite a long chat, and in the office hah. I hope no one eavesdropped haha. The topics range from erm... Haha cant say la, but stupid little things. I feel like talking to someone. Talking about all the stupid things. Whenever we stop talking, in between i will sigh. And feel down. Goodness. Zaza, tak elok mengeluh banyak-banyaklah. What happens to all the positive thoughts and resolutions? Sigh. See i am sighing again. It is good to have someone to talk to. Thanks farah. Well, second thought, second thought, second thought. I start doubting. So much for all the bersangka baik. For whatever, i have always try my best to bersangka baik. I always try to make out good reason for others, but seems like slowly i am on the verge of failing. Dont! Hang in there, zaza! Bersangka baik. Bersangka baik.

- Posted through mobile phone

2011-11-20T20:59:00.000+08:00

Talking about 'people' and talking about 'ideas' are different. Don't put them on the same platform, discouraging people from talking about ideas for the fear of that amounting also to some sort of judgment.

will elaborate on this if i have time.
later! :)

priority seems to fall .... on the wrong side of the scale. sigh.

2011-11-18T20:05:00.000+08:00

Concerned more about the solution 'we' can offer than being afraid of what 'others' can do.

Ascertain what is the root of the problem. Come out with what we can do about it, take action, and not -preventing others from doing their part. Action mentioned earlier refers to 'direct' action. Preventing other people's action here does not fall within the definition of action mentioned earlier.

For example.
The problem is - Akidah.
Direct action is - 'strengthening' the Akidah.
Be concerned with what we can offer, what we can act for, which is - to nurture and to fill.
Not be afraid of what others are doing and go to the extend of 'preventing' them doing something. Being afraid is okay IF it inspires towards the direct action. But it is not okay if we ignore ourself and put priority of our concern in other people, and do all that we can to prevent them. That, is a superficial action. We are not tackling the problem at its root. Prevent all we want of others propagating their own religion, but that, does NOT solve the problem of one's weakening akidah. Fill it. Fill it. If filled, come what may, InsyaAllah the heart will not be swayed.

A TREE. BUILDING A WALL TO DETER THE WIND, BUT NOT WATERING IT?

A tree. You should water it, make sure also the nutrients are enough, so the root will be strong. If the root is strong, it can stand the wind.

You build a wall surrounding it, with the justification of protecting it from being 'killed' by the wind, BUT you don't water it, you don't make sure the nutrients are enough. You think it will survive? Short term, maybe.

Displaced priority.

We don't water enough. We don't provide enough nutrients. But we are concerned more about the wind. Is not that ironic?

Or do you think the wind is so strong that the root will not stand it?

Then ask yourself, you say you believe your religion is the right religion. If it is right, the other religion will never be able to break one down, ever. PROVIDED of course that the the heart is filled with the religion in its 'substance' and not just in 'name'. For that to happen? fill. fill. and fill. fill, more than punishing and preventing.

I trust Islam. I don't think reading a bible will make me convert out of the religion (in fact i have a copy of bible in my iphone. Just out of curiousity). Of course people can argue: 'what about those who are weak, and easily influenced? They need to be protected.' And on that basis, must we do everything to prevent other people from spreading their religion? Is that the 'real' solution to the problem?

Don't just find an EASY way out, FACE the real problem, find a real solution. To protect them is -- to FILL.

You see, those propagating their religion, they believe theirs is true, that's why they are propagating it. We believe ours is the true religion, then let us propagate it. They are doing their part. Let us do our part. If we really believe in it, let's also believe that one day the truth will surface, one day the truth will come out. As of now, let's keep going. Tak macho la kita halang orang dari do their part, but kita tak do our part pun kan.

And what's our part? To bring the message of Islam. This is what we really should be concerned about. And not to bring the message that [insert-name-of-other-religion-here] is wrong. Different.

Something like I wrote previously, teach ourselves the 'characteristics' of a Kafir/Disbeliever so that we won't be one, BUT NOT saying or judging other people as Kafir/Disbeliever. Different.

priority seems to fall ...... on the wrong side of the scale. sigh.

--------------

(haha i realize this again somehow falls in the realm of 'giving our best vs competing w/ others, be more concerned of what we can do than being concerned more on others that we forget to tap our own potential' kind of entry. Principle is the same. But applied in different kind of situation than what I touched on previously)

You DONT compare. You just CANT.

2011-11-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

15 minutes. allocating only 15 minutes here. strictly 15 minutes okay zaza. (am taking a short break from something i am currently working on.)

i have been observing. some always complaint of the workloads as if other person don't have any. of staying late in the office as if those leaving office on time has nothing to do. depends. LARGELY DEPENDS. one can have lots of works to do, but because of efficiency can finish the work much quicker. one might leave office on time (so people get the impression they have no works to do) but they actuallu brings work back home. or one might even comes work very early in the morning, but well people don't care. one might complain and complain about lots of works and staying up late in the office or not enough sleep but spend most of the times in between in the office gossiping and complaining, hmmm?. it's utilisation of time. and other considerations as well.

excessive comparing and such unhealthy competition will just make one blind.
my suggestion, GIVE OUR BEST AT THE GIVEN MOMENT. this is NOT about competing with others.

those you see leaving early, or seems very calm, or seems like have nothing to do might have double or triple the amount of works you have. bottomline, you DON'T COMPARE. you just CANT. it is not just about time spent. it is not just about the impression people give out. lots of other consideration as well. experience, efficiency, quality etc. so? why bother so much about others? FOCUS ON YOURSELF. you might not be as quick as others. you might not be as pandai or smart as others. you might not be as efficient as others. but NEVER COMPROMISE the best you can give at the given moment.

TAKE PRIDE in giving your best, best of YOUR ABILITY. not about you trying to deliver the the best of OTHERS'.

You can look at a better person if the effect is to motivate. if no motivation or inspiration or good lesson comes out from looking at others, STOP THERE, DON'T LOOK AT ALL. If looking at others just to compare their workloads and your workloads based merely on 'time spent', STOP THERE. you DON'T compare. You just CAN'T compare.

like me, i have been sleeping late, bringing works back home, not having lunch etc because of works. but i know it is not because i have looooooootsss of works 'compared' to other. i do feel like they are a lot 'personally', but I understand it might be so 'sikit' to others. and I 'acknowledge' that the workloads might feel very heavy to me because of my 'inexperience', 'incompetence' or 'inefficiency'. it is not an indication of having more works than other people we are comparing ourselves with.

But i see some people comparing their time spent, with that of others, as if that is a sort of indication that they have more works to do, as if it is very unfair why others seems so free they might have not much to do. .... which is a 'failed' methodology of assessment. scope is so narrow. and so blatant the limitation.

haih. kenapa lah.

let's give OUR best.
let's focus on OURselves.

I know I have been writing a lot about giving you best at given moment, about we competing with ourselves, not others. apology if this topic has bored you to death already. bye.

eh wait, is it within the 15 minutes allocated? or exceeded already? well, nevermind then. no proofread or anything, please live with the grammatical errors if exist, well not that my grammar is good usually anyway i know a grammar nazi would love to scrutinise many of my previous entries as they are like mining land for grammatical-errors/mistakes pun. so yes. bye.

i don't want to be a victim. I don't want to be the predator either.

2011-11-12T17:42:00.000+08:00

Someone warned me before. to be careful with some people who might seems very impressive when they talk, but the content is zero, deceptive or misleading. I was also warned to be careful with people who speak like they know everything, putting a confident front that you will become convinced that what they are saying is the truth, nothing but the truth. When you asked something, and when they realize they are wrong, they will try to make it right and find ways to protect their ego, delivering dishonest answers.

Me, I rather be scolded for not knowing something. I don't know, so I will say I don't know. It might not be good for the ego. But I rather let the other person knows that I don't know, so the other person will not rely on something 'I created just to protect my ego'. that to me is so wrong.

I was warned. Someone reminded me not to be too naive. I might not have encountered this kind of person yet, she said, but I better be very careful. It is a predatory world. don't become a victim. I think now i can understand a bit, somehow, somewhat. I don't want to become a victim. I don't want to be the predator either.

You see, this is not about putting others down. It is about improving ourselves. Must we put down others just so that we feel good of ourselves? that shouldn't be it.

dont chase to be the best among others, but strive to 'give your best' at the given moment. If the former comes to follow, then it is a bonus, but should never be the priority as priority should lies on the latter. strive for your best. afterall, we don't compete with others, we compete with ourselves.

i am nagging myself.

2011-11-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

I am not a good casual speaker.
I am not good in conversation.
Be it Malay or English ~~or Japanese~~.
I always find it hard to convey things. in whatever language pun.
I am more comfortable writing things.
This is actually bad you know, considering the profession I am in.
I bought books about public speaking. But I think I have only read the first few pages, and then I got distracted with other things.
You know what, this is very frustrating.
I need to learn how to convey things clearly. I really really need to.
The next problem is, I don't know how to arrange my priorities.
In a way, that makes me quite inflexible.
You throw me few things to do, I will start becoming so jumbled up I don't which I should be doing first, which to be settled later.
I also think I am so lacking of confidence.
I aaaaaaalwayyyyyyss feel small you know.
I always doubt myself. It is usually others who remind me to believe more in myself.
That is pathetic right?
I need to work on my conversational skill and confidence level very badly.
Ok that sounds pathetic also, because numerous times I have been saaaayyying that.
ok bye.

2011-11-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

You know what, I always appreciate when people make things difficult to you, because that's also a charity (of course when the intention is not to make things difficult 'just to make things difficult' if you understand what i mean). Making things difficult is not necessarily bad, making things easy is not necessarily good. If I complain, then the complaint will be more of me being 'slow' or 'stupid' or just plain 'not efficient' haha! because by doing that, the problem will be 'on' me, and thus I will be able to directly tackle it. Putting a blame on others, just that, is a futile exercise. One will never improve. (Though there are times when some people make things difficult for no reason. That is very bad. But whenever there is a space for ourselves to improve, then we should focus more on that, not on others.)

I am not a vocal person. At work, sometimes you will think I have no feeling haha. Sometimes it seems like I don't care. But I do care. And that being said,

--- I really really appreciate my boss and my senior. I really really really really appreciate them. I am really really thankful to be given the chance to work with them.

Ok I know I don't really talk about works here in this public space. But today I just feel like it.

I don't know why I am saying this now, but it just occurs to me that I need to express this. I can't express this straight to their faces, so let's just do it here. ...Oh actually I told my senior yesterday that I think she is a good senior :). But no way i am going to say this to my boss.

Today, me and my colleague were grilled hard in a discussion. At the end of that, the colleague thanks him for being patient, and he said something of this effect

'don't need to lie for being thankful. now just go'.

something like that.

It might be a grilling session. And he might think we loathe him for that, or whatever it is that he might be thinking, I wouldn't be able to really discern pun kan. But I NEVER DOUBT his good intention. For us to learn. I might not be able to say this directly to him;

but I really appreciate him. and thankful. and it is no lie.

Ok bye.

2011-11-09T06:29:00.001+08:00

musim sakit?

Mama

2011-11-06T01:57:00.000+08:00

I just feel like writing about this one important person in my life.

Mama is a superwoman. She is working, yet she will always make sure there will be foods on the table. She will wake up very early in the morning to prepare breakfast or lunch in advance, especially now that Opah is staying with us.

Sometimes, I think this spoils the recipient. We have been expecting things from her when she has been giving a lot, compared to other. Sometimes we forget to be thankful. It is really unfair to her kan? Mama, I don't want to be an unthankful recipient. I appreciate you a lot.

I also think Mama is a very good daughter-in-law. She always treat Opah so very nicely. She might seems very reserved if Abah is around. I can understand that. No pretence. She does not go all nice on Abah's presence and act ignorant on his back. It is the reverse. She will let Abah serves Opah when Abah is around, but when Abah is not around she will take charge and take over his role and serves Opah. She will scoop all the dishes for Opah, standing next to her to do that, even more intimate compared to Abah. She always talk to Opah, chatting with her, treating her so well. She really really treats Opah soooo well.

Sometimes I wonder if Abah knows. Because, well, Mama always do this when Abah is not around. She will be more reserved when Abah is around, letting him do it, as a son, to serve the mother. I really hope Abah knows that his wife has always been treating his mother so nicely. It is a pity if he does not know.

Well, when I look at Mama as a wife, a mother and a daughter in law, I will always feel very lacking. I am really in doubt if in the future I can be as good as her. Or even half as good.

2011-11-05T15:28:00.001+08:00

I have been scouring lexis nexis for days. And have yet to find the answers to the questions on my hand. I am so upset. Oh well I don't know why am I posting this remeh things anyway. Ok bye. Let's continue scouring the net.

[Edit]

it lingers and I don't like it. affecting other things I should be doing. and it's raya tomorrow and yet I have this thing lingering in my head. my weakness, I guess. been reading and reviewing lots of cases but mostly all were not relevant. is my research skill that bad hmmm?

until I find something, I think I will be very very very upset.

"Bolehkah Bukan Muslim Selamat Di Neraka?"

2011-11-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

I wrote once about some of the trend of calling people kafir/disbeliever. It was posted january last year.

http://zazahuri.blogspot.com/2010/01/allah-tahu-saya-tak-tahu.html

That entry came by because of a question my sister asked me 'how about those good non-muslims, will they still be damned' kind of question. The entry also came by because well... like I said the 'trend' of my Muslim brothers and sisters who easily ordered judgment of a 'status' of others. How do we know whether someone is a believer or not? Can we decide whether a person will be damned forever? Who are we? We are not god!

But I know my writing was very lacking. I don't have all the ayat quran or hadith to offer you. I don't have 'qualification' as some would like to see you must be a cleric ustaz ustazah etc well I don't have that qualification. I am just a normal person. My writing might be lacking in that sense. I am also not a good writer I was always afraid that my message was not clearly conveyed. I am just a normal person. but I am also a seeker of my own religion. I also have a big faith that He has with Him so wide of Rahmah, Kasih Sayang and Belas Kasihan. Some people only highlight yang keras-keras saja. I don't know why.

I wrote that entry from heart. I was and still am so disappointed of people who only knows how to judge others. (yet they never bother whether they really are good muslim or not, but focus more on he she them otehr people being kafir .. or being jahat...bla bla bla... ironic). Judge and judge. But never ask themselves, 'had I done enough to fill the void?'. In what position we are putting ourselves in? The mere condemner? haha. Condemning and mere condemning is cheap!

Today, Ustaz Asri posted this entry ... http://drmaza.com/home/?p=1661 (Bolehkah Bukan Muslim Selamat Di Neraka?) . it made me recall that previous entry of mine. Do read. I believe his explaination is clearer. Clearer in the context of putting onto you the question to ponder.

Do note that he didn't end the entry with a 'conclusion'. But a sort of lingering question. He didn't conclude the title. Because afterall, as my previous entry was trying to come to; Allah tahu saya tak tahu. ye, KITA TAK TAHU.

Membership card, points and discounts.

2011-10-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

When you buy with Jusco cards, you will have points collected through purchases. Number of times I have experienced people approaching my mom or me to use our card. No they are not going to get a discount or whatever, the one to benefit will be us ---- extra points.

I have always admired these people. They are doing things without expecting something in return. they need to undertake active action to actually 'ask' out the other person for that card though it is nothing for their favour. Some would only be that brave to ask someone's card if they get some sort of discount, without which, they don't bother, but not some of these admirable people I met.

I remember using a bookstore membership card at a bookstore and it slashed off RM20+ off my purchase. I was so happy. I asked a friend whether she has a membership card too, she didn't. I was saying how she should have used mine as it will get her the discount. She said she never bother because she thought the card will only get me just extra points and nothing more (even if yes, to do that would be very admirable of her), of course then with a tinge of regret after knowing that it would actually gotten her a discount.

It reminds me of those nice people who would approach Mama or me for our Jusco Cards without expecting something in return. If those people were somewhere near me, though not knowing that it'd give one the benefit of a discount, and just approach me with the good intention of doing 'favor' for me, they will just be surprised of how it will actually be a favor towards them. that would be a sweet surprise of kindness reflected back. ..... if only that friend got that intention too.

why u error error

2011-10-27T19:12:00.000+08:00

hello page navigation bar, why u error error eh?~

I will define my own goal, tweaking accordingly as I go along.

2011-10-27T19:02:00.000+08:00

I don’t need people to tell me who I should be, what I should be doing and where I should be heading. I don't need people to define me. Things are becoming so messy when you consider all that others are expecting you to do and to be. Maybe I am just too easily affected and too easily influenced by external expectation and the thoughts by others. It made me floated with uncertainties within. It is different if it’s internally caused, but not when the factors are purely external. I have decided. I won’t let you, you, or you, substantially define my journey. It is not yours, it is mine.

I will define my own goal, tweaking accordingly as I go along.

Afterall my whole life, my journey has been quite unplanned. since I decided to tweak the dream profession I have always hold to since I was a little kid (somehow in an impulse), into something I eventually found to be something I really hate(d), alhamdulillah I moved towards gradual acceptance, with me finally saw myself in this profession, was thinking on that specific spot, before that being tweaked again as I was somehow thrown into a focused field during my whole 9 months pupillage, finding something I really want to do in between, then I drew a plan to execute albeit quite rigidly, tweaking it a bit after weighing circumstances, and now thrown again into the same situation of needing a tweak. The root remains the same, but execution plan might need to be varied. It has always been like that. My journey has been more unplanned than planned. I should know better that when I come out with a plan, it should not be rigid and is able to be altered accordingly. why do I even bother explaining anyway, sigh, this must have turned into a habit.

So...

This journey, ‘I’ will be defining.

Of course subject to His will and blessings. Only Him. not others.

Throbbing Mad.

2011-10-24T17:50:00.002+08:00

i don't like going to clinic.

2011-10-24T07:42:00.001+08:00

Do you like going to clinic? I don't. I like the smell of a clinic, but I don't like 'going' there. Especially when you are sick. Of course that's the point of going to clinic, when you are sick. But, I find it so urgh tedious.

Sometimes, you are down with fever and flu, and your panadol at home will just do the magic. So why bother going to the clinic right? feeling unenergetic and all but still need to bring yourself to the clinic? I really don't like the idea. However, though panadol at home can help do the magic, it doesn't help issuing you a medical certificate. And that's the problem. Especially when you are working, you will then just find yourself forcibly dragging yourself to the clinic just for that medical certificate. As a person who don't go for medical leave as one like to - i know some people has tendency to buy medical certificate, or go for medical leave even for the smallest thing - i really don't like going through all these because I know when I am not well, then I am not well. Bluffing not well when I am well is just not me. But I know from an administrator's perspective, they need the evidence of you being not well. And I also don't like it when I want the certificate because I know I am not well, and the doctor will look at you like you don't need a medical certificate. As someone who rarely go to clinic for a medical certificate, that's somehow menggeramkan diri, because I don't just suka-suka go to clinic and ask for medical certificate. And sometimes you woke up feverish, so you don't go to work, you want to go to clinic but clinic is not yet open, when it is open, your fever has magically gone down, and now you go to clinic as if begging for medical certificate in an okay state. so frustrating.

All that being said, I have been unwell since last friday's night. Sorethroat, flu and fever. and dizziness. I think I caught it from a colleague. I took panadol. I didn't go to clinic. Fluctuating. Sekejap ok, sekejap tak ok. Now, monday, the fourth day, I am still not well. maybe I need to stop being stubborn and go to clinic and check myself up. and also get a medical certificate to give to my workplace. haih. i don't like la. -___-

a programmer-lawyer, can or nottt?

2011-10-21T20:39:00.001+08:00

I want to learn coding and programming. I want to make a software to assist corporate lawyers do works productively. take verification exercise for example, is there any tool to easily churn out a table based on an input document? And then to assign verifying responsibility upon clicking or highlighting ? Subsequent draft can be fed into the program and any updates will then be able to flow in seamlessly into the verification table though proper coding. Human error will be reduced significantly. Energy and brain will be better spent and utilised. now I need a dummy on coding and software programming, I will come out with a software, then i will sell my software ~~world~~lawfirm-wide ~~and become a steve job~~. IGNORE THE STRIKETHROUGH LOL!

NOW RECOMMEND ME A GOOD DUMMY FOR THAT.

haha.

2011-10-21T18:27:00.001+08:00

I am a careless person. I tried not to. But always, when i think i have somehow freed myself, it will come back to haunt saying 'dear dear dear never say goodbye dear'. What is frustrating is because you know you have tried to tackle it everytime, you know you were putting all that you can in. As if you are betrayed by your own self.

But one advise: never never never give up trying.

- Posted through mobile phone

where's the key?

2011-10-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

drowned in myriad of stuffs. priority buried. this is life. our end is one. but the paths we took to reach there are countless. these paths might intersect, or might never meet. comes countless diversion, countless distraction. to make that one end blinded. we will come to that point oh we know. definitely know. but always so subconsciously. we don't prepare. no armour. we jump into this unarmed. blurring out the image of the end so clear it will come. irony. not what path you took, but how you took that path - that's how the end will be painted. shortsighted human usually are. the now so appealing we rather have short term benefit. distracted. long term not considered. forever some more. but be wise. grab both. now and forever. now do the balance. assess the degree. heavenly balance. where's the key? unlocking.

*I didn't sleep last night my fuse might be a bit detached here.

2011-10-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

Naru yo!

Let's talk about books! :D (VOLUME OF PICTURESSS)

2011-10-15T18:41:00.002+08:00

Who went to the big bad wolf warehouse sale?? who? Who?

*raised hands*

Recently I have been splurging my money on books.

Hey, Zaza is picking up books again la!

I used to be a bookworm (no textbooks or motivational books, but mostly novels, and comics) when I was a kid. even in the dark I would want to read, the kid who'll hide inside the bathroom to continue reading (so bad of me haha)because the father is going to chase her as it is sleep time already. Bila ingat balik rasa nak gelak haha.

But it stopped when I started becoming somehow obsessed with the internet. Obsessed with watching japanese dramas. watching japanese movies. Participating in online japanese entertainment forum. Being a part of a mini fansub group, translating minor stuffs, but mostly as an encoder and editor, incorporating the subtitiles in, encoding the videos, distribution, and all the technical stuffs. Moderating a small focused forum of the group I loved. Setting up and maintaining a website dedicated to the singer/actor I loved. Things like that.

I basically abandoned books altogether! (well, except Harry Potter. haha.)

Now I have been slowly picking books up again, for quite some times already, though the reading spread has changed a bit (used to avoid motivational books at all cost i hated them but now have been very accepting and finding them very interesting. before this ego kotttt.. haha.)

So. I went to the big bad wolf event. And SPLURGED. Honestly I didn't enjoy it as much, I mean the books are mostly old books, but it is expected la kan it is a warehouse sale. But definitely is a BARGAIN. Despite saying I didn't enjoy much, I did splurge! And this is jussssst after I splurged, also on books, in Kinokuniya last week... haih!

My raya photo entry hasn't seen the day it seems. Well, actually I haven't transferred the photos from Abah's camera into my netbook so well...

Instead, let's feast the eyes on pretty colourful books instead. :P

They are my recent purchases at Big Bad Wolf, and some (yang masih belum masuk rak lah. yang dah masuk rak memang takde masa nak keluarkan semata-mata nak tangkap gambar huh :P) from Kinokuniya and Popular.

These, I bought for Abah. Cars of the 1950s - 1970s.

"Abah! Yong beli something untuk Abah!"

"Sejak bila Abah suka baca buku nih?"

"Ni buku kereta la Abah, gambar kereta zaman dolu-dolu!"

"OK, OK, OK! :D"

RM12 each. Normal price about RM100 each.

Hohoho. Recipe books.

These, are for myself (or Mama if she wants to use lah)

Though I don't know when I can utilise them fully.

Kena cari lebih masa untuk main masak-masak nih.

The two big hardcovers are RM20-25 each. Normal price RM100++

The others, between RM8 to RM10.

Other books.

Ok I really don't know why I bought the;

Abraham Lincoln and George Soros thingy lol.

Special mention.
Dear Nyah, we are so going ok!!!
And we are going to cut our waits in line by 4 hours a day! haha
"How to cut your waits in line by 4 hours a day"
Oh and some tips and tour plan to guide us there :P

Another special mention. RM5.
why I bought this???
No one in my family smoke.
And those who are close to me know I am quite tak tahan seeing people smoke.
Or SMELLING other's smoke.
I bought it just in case I can pass to someone and says;
"Nah. For you. I hope you will stop smoking"
haha.
So if you smoke, and you feel like quitting.
Buzz me, send me your address and I will send you this, lol.
My email can be found on the sidebar.
Anyone, I don't mind.
With a condition: SOMEONE WHO SMOKE.
kalau tak smoke tapi saja je nak, tolonglah jangan.
Ok, this is so random, I never did something like this before haha.
So, any taker?
haha.

The above, all were bought at the warehouse sale at BIG BARGAIN.

----------------------------------

Tariq Ramadhan, a scholar I respect a lot.

I like the way he thinks and write,

and so I just had to buy the above book when I saw it in Kinokuniya.

(I bought his writing on Rasulullah. No pic here since dekat rak haha. It was not a book of all facts and history about Rasulullah, but mixed with its relevancy with today's world. Interesting read. though I haven't finish the whole book actually. my bad habit : I like to hop on hop off between different books.).

And because I am a DUMMY! :p

the master degree I am applying will deal on economy, econometric, finance and stuffs.

And also, I need to know a bit about accounting la kan.

I was a science student in high school.

And my degree is a law degree.

I have no basic, so need to put a little bit effort la kan? haha :P

You see, I have been reading about wall street, the financial system as of lately.

So there you find the 'too big to fail' above,

and also the 'wall street' book bought at Big Bad Wolf.

Oh and yes! Please teach me how to think! haha.

----------------------

Buku-buku di atas masih belum disusun di dalam rak tetapi di hujung tepi katil lol.

tak muat nak simpat I need a bigger room sigh.

I was princess aurora, the sleeping beauty.

2011-10-10T22:41:00.000+08:00

everyone has a character they are attached to when growing up.

i grew up watching disney princesses.

my sister was snow white.

i was princess aurora, the sleeping beauty.

oh how that fits me so well.
(ok, well, except the beauty part -___-)

Not only i grew up as that girl who sleeps in classes,
(ish ish *gelengkepala*)

i also grew up really really wanting to see the northern light,

oh, the breathtaking Aurora Borealis,

which has always, forever, been in my dream list,

the thing i want to see before i die, before I leave.

* * * * * * * * *

oh northern light when can i see you?
been long in that list one day i am going to chase you.
when time comes, meet me, will you?

2011-09-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

Haish. Am I bad with promises or what? My photo entry is yet to see the blogging light.

I think I have been quite distant with writing. It feels like something is preventing the thoughts to flow. It has been a long time since I last wrote something really worthy of read. well it's not like my previous ones were worthy, NO, I don't mean that at all, but.... the current pattern being assumed... hmm.. well isn't that saying something? sigh.

Maybe afterall, we paint things absurd because of our own incompetence we ourselves perceived.

2011-09-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

"You don't need to explain your dreams. It belongs to you".

Paolo Coelho

Let your dream be absurd to others. It is absurd because it doesn't belong to them. And when others actually mustered their courage to share and explain their dream, (despite it having no need to be explained), how cruel it is to pull it down and to put doubt in it. Instead, cheer them on, stay besides them. See them through.

I met a dear ex-housemate the other day. She has a dream. I used to think the dream as very unusual and too ambitious. NO. I should not. No dream is unusual. No one should be in a position to say others' dreams as unusual. or absurd.

As I grow up, this is one of the important things I learnt. Never discourage people of their dream. Just like how other people do not have a right to ridicule your dream. The dream might looks absurd to others, but who cares, the dream is not theirs, it's yours. That explains why they can't appreciate it.

You might not be able to directly assist someone to attain his/her dream, but the least you can do is to see them through, to provide the support, to echo their spirit through your support. Never discourage, never inject doubts in their vision.

When the ex-housemate made known to me her dream, at that time, how absurd that dream sounded to me. I love her so much, I really care for her, I was afraid that dream is going to hurt her. with good faith I advised her to set her foots on the ground, to realize the limit in dreaming.

I really really care for her.

Heck! Who am I to do such?.

I realize that it is good that I really care for her, but the way I actualized my concern for her was wrong.

There are things you thought would never happen, but happened anyways. Some people made it. They achieved what you thought was impossible, or... difficult. Then I started to realize, when we advised others to keep their foot in the ground, when we are concern much of others hurting for not being able to attain an impossible dream.... is it really as such?

Or are we merely projecting our own fear, our own feeling of incapability, incompetence?

Maybe it's ourselves who can't achieve it, and then we, not realizing this, force our standard, force our own doubts on others.

Unfair, right?

We might not be able to do it, but that doesn't mean others can't.
We might not see the relevance of things, but that is because the things are not our dream, it's theirs.
And all the same when other discourages us for something on the reason of things being impossible, please remember that things might seems impossible to them, but not us. Afterall, the dream is not theirs, it is ours. When the dream is theirs, it is not ours. Well, not everytime a dream is shared.

Before we discourage other, before we put other's dream down, ask ourselves first, is that the result of our own doubt? Is that the projection of our own fear?

If one choose to stop, let them choose themselves or because they find a better dream. not because they are told their dream is impossible by another person who is always doubting.

Effort, and prayers. I believe fully with my heart that He listen to our prayers, He grant our prayers. Quick or late, depends on our effort, patience and perseverance, a hadith was related on that effect. Good things comes to those who are patient. I believe.

I started to realize the power of dream. I start to believe everything is possible. Impossible is only the result of not trying. Afterall, a limit is a limit when one stops trying.

Sometimes, this makes me scared. I no longer know what's right and what's wrong. I said to the ex-housemate, now I believe one can do almost anything had one has the will. I apologize that my concern was once used to discourage her dream, now I stand strong behind her no matter how the world is going to ridicule her dream. At least, she is brave enough to dream. I should at least see her through. seeing her through, I might not be directly assisting. but that is hundred much better than putting her dreams down. I choose to believe.

This is what I am holding to very strongly now.

If you tell me you are going to build house on the moon, how absurd it might sounds, but serious you are, I am going to cheer you on. No I am not lying. I might not be able to build a house on the moon, but that doesn't mean you cannot. Whatever we see right now, technology for example, airplane, satellite, were something very absurd had one tried to made known such dream million years ago. But well... those absurd things are now everywhere.

Maybe afterall, we paint things absurd because of our own incompetence we ourselves perceived. Never let our own doubt be a tool to pull down others dream. that... is very unfair.

When the ex-housemate suddenly seems to be lost somehow in that dream, I amazingly went to her a pom pom girl. I cheered her on. She was herself surprised. Suddenly I think everything is possible. Suddenly I appreciate God even more. When you believe in Him, everything seems to be possible. You seek his blessing in things you do. He knows the best. He gives the best. Do we deserve the best? Look at our deeds. We want to achieve that dream so much, it is no longer impossible, but together interlinked is a mission to please Him. Life feels more purposeful. And because we start to wants more in that sense, we start to realize we need to put more effort, we need to please him more, so that we deserve the 'absurd' dream we are eyeing. I found that... beautiful.

Thruth is, all these also make me scared. very very scared. I don't know anymore what's right and what's wrong. Now I think people can do everything. I will just say, 'yes, you can do it' to almost anything now. It is scary somehow. scary. Will this give superficial hopes to people and things like that? Will this give superficial boost to others or even myself. But then I am in no position to say people cannot do something. I am in no position to say people are not abe to achieve or attain something. Furthermore, honestly, I choose to believe.

If they choose to stop trying, let it be after they tried, after they evaluated the circumstances, and after they decided themselves. My role; your role; others' role; collectively us, the bystanders; is to support. not deciding whether one is not able to / cannot do something.

Let it be their choice to either proceed or stop.
And that, is also what we are expecting others to treat us,
to not kill the hope, to not kill the dream we are holding to.

though this is scary and can in the future be very confusing, let's continue believing?

Start small. Start now.

2011-09-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

I wrote something on a personal project kan?
Let's change the world thingy.
I am actually inspired by this post (140 Ways to Change the World) at www.marcandangel.com

Doing something nice for someone can change the world.
Maybe not the whole world, but their world.

Start small. Start now.

Let's print out the list. and tick on it everytime we do one of the listed world-changing act :D
Sometimes laying out things in front of you, and coming up with ntah apa-apa project like this will make things easier to do, the motivation and excited-ness I mean. (I hope I don't sound so shallow saying that lol XD).

On to the list:

Smile when you make eye contact with someone.
Hold the door open for the person behind you.
Send a hand-written thank you card to someone who assisted you with something.
Clean out all your old clothes and donate them to someone in need.
Give a compliment about a waiter, waitress, sales clerk, etc. to his or her manager. Or write a nice note to or about your waiter or waitress on the back of your bill.
Compliment a stranger’s appearance. Flatter them.
Leave encouraging post-it notes in a library books and other random places.
Connect like minds. Introduce two friends or colleagues who you feel have something to gain from each other.
Send flowers to someone.
Be a courteous driver. Let people merge in front of you.
Volunteer at a children’s hospital or nursing home.
Donate blood.
Live each moment with enthusiasm.
Spend time with children and greet the world with wide-eyed wonder.
Eliminate the words ‘hate,’ ‘can’t,’ and ‘won’t’ from your vocabulary.
Volunteer. Get outside of yourself and help others. Your participation is needed.
Notice and appreciate the positive side of things and share this appreciation with others.
Send a check to your favorite charity.
Work in a soup kitchen.
Do one brave act today. Do it with love and for a good purpose.
Share your talents with someone.
Forgive someone.
Think, speak and act in a loving manner.
Buy house warming gifts for new neighbors.
Introduce yourself. Make new colleagues, classmates, etc. feel welcome.
Inspire others online.
Send letters of appreciation to business owners/managers and other people who support you.
Treat everyone with the same level of respect you’d give to your grandfather.
Give everyone the same level of patience you’d have with your baby sister.
Appreciate people the way they are.
Share your lunch or a snack with someone who doesn’t have one.
Put some change in an expired parking meter.
Check up on someone who looks lonely.
Tell your boss, teacher or professor that he or she is doing a great job and that you appreciate what they’ve taught you.
On a hot day, buy someone something cold to drink. On a cold day, get them something warm.
Create places and things for others to enjoy. Like decorating your house for the holidays or creating a piece of art.
If you overhear that it’s someone’s birthday, go out of your way to wish them a happy one.
Ask someone for their opinion or advice.
Bring cookies or bagels to work for everyone.
Tip waiters and waitresses well when they deserve it.
Be a part of something you believe in. Those around you will notice your enthusiasm.
Leave a thank-you note for the office janitors.
Help bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.
Offer your seat to someone when there aren’t any left.
Let someone with only a few items cut you in line at the grocery store.
Wave to a kid in the car next to you.
Spread good news.
Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.
Remember people’s names and address them accordingly.
Replace what you’ve used. For example, fill up the copier or printer with paper after you’re done using it.
Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
Listen intently to people’s stories without trying to fix everything.
Dance with someone who hasn’t been asked.
Call a stranger’s attention to a beautiful sunset or full moon.
Give words of encouragement toward someone’s dream, no matter how big or small it is.
Ask someone who enjoys cooking for one of their recipes.
Let someone else eat the last slice of pizza or cake.
Give someone a copy of a book that once helped you, that you think could help them
Stop and buy a drink from a kid’s lemonade stand.
Help someone get your parking space in a crowded parking lot when you’re leaving.
Ask someone you see every now and then if they’ve lost weight.
Do a little something extra to make someone else’s life easier.
Use all the manners you learned in Kindergarten.
Give without expecting to get back.
Encourage others to do one unanticipated kind or helpful act at least once a week.
Babysit for couples or single parents who don’t get out much so they can have some time alone.
Boost the morale of someone close to you by telling them what you love about them.
Hug a friend. Let them know how important they are.
Look for ways to save a few extra bucks a month and then donate it to a good cause.
Shop at your local charity thrift store. The money you spend there helps others.
Spend a few clicks of your time at Free Rice.
Leave an encouraging or positive comment on a stranger’s blog.
If there’s been an accident or a potentially hazardous situation presents itself on the road, report it to the local authorities. Your phone call could save a life.
If someone you love really likes something (a meal, a favor, etc.) give it to them when they least expect it.
Observe everyone without judging.
Say “Please” and “Thank you.”
Let go of anger. For instance, if somebody accidentally cuts you off in traffic, just let it go.
Believe in yourself with all of your heart. The universe will notice.
Don’t be so serious all the time.
Treat every small interaction with another person as an opportunity to make a positive impact in both your lives.
Greed, anger and ignorance. Avoid all three.
Speak the truth.
Teach others how to make a difference by setting an example.
Help others learn to be independent.
Give people the space they need.
Lend your shoulder to cry on.
Acknowledge people for a job well done.
Offer encouragement after a failure.
Tell a good joke.
Show others the magic in ordinary moments.
Adopt a soldier, inmate or someone who is down on their luck as a pen pal.
Express your gratitude to those who make your life easier.
Tell someone you love them.
Wave to your neighbors.
Send a letter, email, tweet, or text message out of the blue to someone who would appreciate it.
Open car doors for your passengers.
Donate books to a library, daycare center or school.
Dance with someone who doesn’t have anyone to dance with.
Share great food recipes.
Help a kid with their homework.
Donate unused computer time to cancer research (and other types of research) with BOINC.
Round up a few loose coins and put them in the next charity box you see.
Pay for the person in line behind you.
Do something unexpected that will inspire people and shake them out of a bad mood.
Plant beautiful flowers in places where others can appreciate them.
Search through your cabinets for a few cans of food you’ll probably never use and donate them.
Be a designated driver.
Volunteer your time to a suicide hotline center.
Offer someone a piece of gum or candy instead of waiting for them to ask.
Park your car further from the store and walk the short extra distance. This frees up spots closer for people who may need them more than you, and gives you additional exercise.
Donate things you no longer use to those in need.
Donate time or materials to Habitat for Humanity.
Clean the house for someone you know who is too busy to keep on top of it.
Grow your hair out, then donate it to Locks of Love.
Drop off your old eye glasses at your local LensCrafters as a donation to the OneSight program.
Don’t smoke. But if you must, don’t smoke near others.
Generate money for the charity of your choice by searching with Good Search.
Stop for a person waiting to cross the street.
Support independent artists and musicians by purchasing books and albums that aren’t yet in the mainstream.
Forgive a debt if you’re able.
Recommend friends to local businesses who might appreciate their services.
See the world as you wish it to be.
Make something for someone. Bake an extra batch of cookies, draw a picture, brew an extra cup of coffee, and give it to someone for no reason other than to see them smile.
Create a care package and send it to an active duty military unit.
Redirect gifts. Instead of having people give you birthday and holiday gifts, ask them to donate gifts or money to a good cause.
Stop to help. The next time you see someone pulled over with a flat tire, or in need of assistance, stop and ask how you can help.
Put a small personal touch on everything you do. People notice and appreciate individuality.
Take the time to teach someone a skill you know.
Help someone get active. There’s a coworker or acquaintance in your life who wants to get healthy, but needs a helping hand. Offer to go walking or running together or join a gym together.
Become a mentor or tutor.
Adopt an animal.
Contribute time, ideas, or a listening ear to other people’s passions.
Accept people just the way they are.
Stand up for someone. Lend your voice. Often the powerless, the homeless, the neglected in our world need someone to speak up for them.
If you see a couple taking a self-pic, offer to take the picture for them.
Help the weary shopper in front of you who needs that extra two or three cents to avoid breaking a 20-dollar bill.
Come to the rescue. If you realize someone is sick, bring them some hot tea, etc.
Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them.
Make yourself available and approachable.
Over-deliver on all of your promises and obligations.

I was an inch close to death. A traveler, indeed.

2011-09-16T22:39:00.001+08:00

I was an inch close to death.

I really thought I was going to die. When it happened I really was just waiting for myself to phase out. I was waiting for my vision to black out.The first word which came out from my mouth was 'Ya Allah' and I can't remember the ensuing words though i know i was saying something. Was it 'save me'? was it 'forgive all my wrongdoings, my sins'? or whatever it is... I really can't remember.

But I was so sure I was not ready to die. My deeds, are they enough compared to my sins? My bekalan. Dah cukup ke? I KNOW FULLY WELL IT IS NOT. I was so scared you know!

And people, please fasten your safety-belt. There's a reason why it's called 'safety'-belt. when the car skidded, I lost control, it swayed, circling, the belt kept me tied to the seat. It hit the left wall, then plought to the right side hitting the right wall. the car turned sideway standing on its left side, I was tied to the driver seat, hanging, without which, i will crash down to the bottom. And god knows what would happen if that happens.

I unfastened the seat belt slowly, still so surprised that I was still concious (i was waiting for the vision to just black out honestly), my body dropped to the bottom. I was then sitting on the door. The other door was over my head. I could not exit the car. I was sitting and basically terrified of any incoming car to further crush and ramp onto me. Afterall it was a sharp bend and any incoming car would not easily notice me. I was sitting on that door, shivering, expecting the worst of possibility. another inch close to death.

Thanks to Allah that fortunately, shortly after, a good samaritan opened the door over me. He climbed over the car and helped to pull me out. He said I was trembling like crazy. An Indian lady tried to comfort me. A malay guy helped to place an object few metres from the car to warn other drivers. He said something about the window etc which I couldn't really made up. He told me that I was lucky, if *something*something* I will surely go bye-bye.

The car is to be hospitalised for one month. Abah said, "I can buy ten more cars for you, but I can't buy you." Mama cried, she didn't ask at all about the car, just about my wellbeing. Ya Allah, thank you much for such support system. Adik told her sometimes in life we need to be prepared, for when things happen we will not be overly crushed. I told her the same. "TAKNAK. I don't want to be prepared. I can't accept. Mama tak sedia. Mama takkan boleh terima".

Drive safe, people. if anything happens to you, it is those you leave behind who will suffer.

I was on my way back from some work at LCCT heading home. it happened at the bend at MEX highway. I can't remember how fast did I drive. But it must be quite fast for such to happen. Worse is, it was raining. A sharp bend to boot. But, no use coming out of an accident blaming things, for such will be a hint of a lesson not learned. The fault of course.... lies with me. My negligence. No use blaming a wet road, no use blaming a sharp bend. It was ME.

I came out the crash without major injury, Alhamdulillah. No fracture. Thanks god no internal bleeding. Just some swelling and bleeding of the chest's muscle and tissues. and swelling of the foot. I am limping a bit now, yes. I was also so grateful that others were not involved through my negligence. The last thing I wish for is to hurt or cause death to others.

Lesson learned.

Thank you Allah for still giving me the opportunity to live. A chance to buck up for I am still so much lacking, unprepared to meet Him so early. I really was so scared and terrified I was going to die full of sins.

We are a traveler, indeed.
just that I am not prepared to give up such status.... just YET.

Thank you Allah. Thank you Allah. Thank you Allah.

the positive container is nearly full waiting to spill negative outright

2011-09-10T09:26:00.000+08:00

Pieces of puzzle lost, the link is just gone.
Draw a circle. Erect a wall. Put a dot outside.
The dot won't know what's inside.
Throw out a material from within the circle.
Expect the dot to have a clear picture.
How? the dot can't.
Many pieces of puzzle are made irrelevant when one one crucial piece is withhold.
One crucial piece is irrelevant when any other materials to build on are withhold.
for time was forced on slaving, opportunity to know on own accord is also withhold.
Will let know. Will let know.
Putting hope up high.
Empty promise. Empty promise.
Slaving all the way yeah right.
Slaving all the way yeah right.
Slaving all the way yeah right.
the positive container is nearly full waiting to spill negative outright.

2011-09-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

Let's change the world! :)

a personal project on the way.

inspired by a list.

a personal motivation, a personal push.

stay tune :D

little thing that makes you happy #6 - Dry Ice!!!!

2011-09-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

random video upload.

please forgive the (overly) excited and amused Zaza in the background. :D

2011-08-31T18:13:00.000+08:00

i was wandering around reading stuffs. the differences, they are so prevalent. i believe differences should be celebrated, and should not be the cause of rift. each of us are unique, yet despite differences we do share common grounds had we care to focus on such. it is not about annihilating all differences. it is about staying true to oneself yet still have the string of unity strengthened albeit differences.

departing a bit from that, i was reading about criticism on what they say -- apologetic to religion. i was also reading about the criticism on the verses from the Quran, as if one has no space to grow for everything is there and then decided. i was reading on how god acts discriminatively, only choosing those He wants to guide and leaving others astray on his will. various verses are quoted to support the contention.

Things like this somehow made me confused. and sad. and... wandering. sometimes, it does tick, is it so?.

but then. thank goodness i learnt this lesson; we should not be an extreme literalist. I or you can take one or two verses or many verses of the same effects and throw it out to hold and support one contention. but! will that be exhaustive and encompassing? for they are afterall to be read together, inter-dependence and inter-related.

I believe He has an ever-encompassing power to all and everything. He can decree anything according to His wish and will. He can guide on His will, he can also leave astray on His will. But I also believe He is merciful and forgiving. The book contains His wrath for the wrongdoers, but let's not be blinded from seeing the mercy and forgiveness so inherent also in the book. The book talks about granting the guide on His will, and leaving astray according to his will. But never let we be blinded from the various verses on repentance, on you being your own responsibility, on the reward and wrath according to your deeds, on no population have been destroyed before a warner has been sent, and many others enlightening read.

don't be unfairly selective.

In a bigger picture, shove away the literalist approach, approach it as something inter-related and inter-dependence. things are all about balance.

dan berbaik sangkalah pada tuhanmu.

I am my own responsibility. But I believe He has all the power on me. But that don't give me the reason to be all content and passive, for no man will change without changing himself, that, He taught from His word. At the same time, it is also from His word that He has all the power over me, whatever it is that I am doing.

The balance... which we are to seek.

Is not that beautiful? for those who reflects.

One can strive hard to attain better reward, but at the same time never be proud enough realizing that one is still under the purview of His power. We still need His leave for things we do. But we are not asked to keep passive and lay still. A strive-r, but with a humbling element. And because of this humbling element, if ever some thing don't go as we planned, it will not be extremely devastating and crushing, as compared to having no reliance at all to a bigger power over us. like a cushion of comfort in moment of disaster.

How beautiful it is if we care to go through the verses and see the range of balance He granted on us. Yet why are we forcing one ignoring the different situation warranting different approaches which of course must still be observed according the the permissible range granted.

Afterall, it's all about...

the balance.

-------------------------------------

I am not an apologetic. I just believe. dan berbaik sangka denganNya.

Berikanlah khabar gembira bagi orang-orang yang sabar

2011-08-31T13:21:00.000+08:00

Today, a dear friend's mom left the family and returned to Him.

"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return."
Al-Baqarah 2 : 155-156.

we are just a traveller in this world. indeed.

SALAM AIDILFITRI!!! :D

2011-08-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

been a while since i last paint the blog with photos. afterall, personally, coming back to your own entries with photos always make you the happiest for the tinge of memories in pictures. I am so going to SPAM the page with pictures sooooon hehe. :)

Oh how's your Ramadhan? my mission was to finish reading/understanding the Quran. unfortunately... I was not able to. another 3 Juz' to go. But still, all good :) Afterall that was just self-motivation, not competition in any way kan. i mentioned it's all good because this time around I was more concerned of what I am reading i.e understanding the meaning rather than merely reciting. so, though i was not able to finish all in the one month, it was pretty fulfilling and enlightening still :)

all is well afterall. hehe. Hope you guys had a good one month of Ramadhan. I know very well I didn't use the time wisely enough, infrequent Tarawikh etc, but to have a feeling at least i did 1% better than the previous Ramadhan is kind of uplifting. (i know still not enough, i know, i know. hehe. but still :))

The photo-entry, later.

until then, am leaving you with this;

Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And never would We punish until We sent a messenger.
(Al-Isra' 17:15)

We are our own responsibility :)
So are we responsible enough? I am not (for sure). but am trying. let's not stop trying!

Oh and my somehow standard Raya-wish this year around;

Hari Raya hari kemenangan. Let's screen our one month Ramadhan and ask ourselves, 'Did we emerge out really a winner?' :)

SALAM AIDILFITRI. Please forgive any wrongdoings on my part.

Love,
Zaza. :)

Later!

2011-08-27T08:11:00.001+08:00

As for those who divide their religion and break up into sects, thou (Muhammad) hast no part in them in the least: their affair is with Allah: He will in the end tell them the truth of all that they did.

He that doeth good shall have ten times as much to his credit: He that doeth evil shall only be recompensed according to his evil: no wrong shall be done unto (any of) them.

(Al-An'am 6 : 159-160)

Opah's Maid and Ice Cream in Cone.

2011-08-24T19:14:00.000+08:00

I love Tutti Frutti (if it is cheap I would have made it my staple food. ok exaggerating ;P).

My sister is a hantu ice cream and chocolates.

I bet you guys can't count how many times in your life,

that you have indulged yourself with ice creams, chocolate, or any other indulgent stuffs.

How blessed we are with the power to enjoy such! :D

Yesterday we had ice cream after breaking fast.

ice cream in cones! oh the crispy crunchy waffle cone!

we invited Opah's maid to join the ice cream feast.

Mama scooped the ice cream into the cone for her.

She went into the kitchen to eat.

You know what she did?

She. scooped. the. ice. cream. from. the. cone. with. teaspoon. and. ate.

Then. threw. the. cone. into. the. bin.

SHE NEVER ATE ONE IN HER LIFETIME PRIOR TO YESTERDAY.

#makesmethink

Somewhere in some part of the world, exists a person who never ate ice cream in cone even once in her lifetime.

(Also) Somewhere in some part of the world....
are those who eat almost nothing and is waiting to die;

got a heart? :)

the crossroads

2011-08-23T21:10:00.001+08:00

You are set for a new journey ahead all excited despite the uncertainties.

Liberating it feels.

But suddenly you realize,

you are concerned about the person you leave behind.

is there any way to grab onto both.

or drawing the line of balance.

the problem is...

how.

Finding the relation. Finding the connection. TO APPRECIATE.

2011-08-18T22:28:00.001+08:00

just thought I share.

For those who knows me, for few years I have been 're-taking' my journey to learn about the religion I was born in. To find the connection. To find the relation. To 'understand'.

..Truth is, many has start to lose the 'connection'. because we no longer really understand, really appreciate. Why? because we are taught not to ask. we are taught not to differ. we are thought just to accept...(extract from here)

I have been re-evaluating back all the things I have been doing in the name of religion. I have been inquiring about how I pray etc. there are lots of things i am clueless still. However, I will hold on to the usual practice, generally, while i am focusing on some specific matters to better understand. step by step. phase by phase.

I want to understand, and appreciate.

How can you appreciate when there is 'gap' separating, right? I don't know about others, but I am someone who can appreciate a thing better if I can understand the thing, the bigger picture. Thus why you will see me struggling if you throw me in an environment where I don't know the bigger picture but am asked to do this and that portion without knowing how to connect them to the bigger picture. The foundation as I'd like to term it is something I find important. That is how I function.

Forms for Act or Rules, are not the law. They are the facilitator of practice, the non-binding skeletal, and may be varied.

I remember how I went into 'unnecessary probing' (as what some friends thought or termed my action as) out for a court instrument in civil procedure class, despite having the precedent, and also the sample of form in the court rules itself.

It is to be noted, that a sample form in rules are not the law, and they are derived back from the rules itself, and thus can be varied according to circumstances. The rules specify what should be included in the form in this or that circumstance. And it just happened that what we were dealing with back then was something not in need of certain statement, which is provided in the form at the back of the rules (the statement of which is needed in another situation).

I inquire with others. Some said it was unnecessary for me to probe into such. alah lagipun court form dah cakap macam tu. alah, precedent senior kan dah ada. I was not satisfied with such answer. So I approached the lecturer (a dear lecturer) to ask about certain statements which the rules, in substance, as what I have read it, did not set out the requirement.

He looked into that. His answer and approach was reassuring. He read back the relevant rules and after reading such, said that my concern is valid with regards to the content of the form. He acknowledged the concern I have. But proceed to say that in practice, it was usually done that way regardless of the different situation, i.e by just replicating the form at the back of the rules. though he will definitely look again into the matter as the concern was a valid one.

With that answer, I was satisfied. Rather than going into this is it. this is unnecessary. The approach my lecturer took made me respect him even more. He acknowledge validity of concern, and he informs what is usually practiced. If only some of agamawan can practice this too. To facilitate your understanding in religion, not force or instruct, merely so.

To understand the reason behind something, it makes you appreciate.

Form is just a sample, it derives back from the rules. Let me just gives an Act as an example. The provisions are binding. And there are forms provided in the back of the Act on certain instrument needed from the provisions of the Act. The contents are DERIVED from the Act. It provides the frame or skeletal. As such, can be varied, according to situation (also, must be backed by what is it in the Act). And also, the contents of the form must not contradict anything provided in the Act. It is just to facilitate practice, rather than being the law, substantively.

Forms and Act. Mazhab and Islam. The similarity?

Same like Islam. And Mazhab. Islam is the religion. Mazhab is not a religion. It helps facilitate your understanding of the religion, but is not a religion in itself. It is the forms to facilitate, it is not the law in itself. Whatever in it, must be derived from the law. And the law here, are, 1. Quran and 2. Sunnah.

Sometimes, it is easier to just follow the forms and precedent. Which is of course not wrong. Forms or precedents are generally formed from the law itself, so it is a basic starting line. :) but don't forget that forms or precedents can be wrong or unsuitable for some circumstances. You know how sometimes you follow precedents in law school but found out it is a bad precedent or the precedent is wrong?

Sometimes what are usually practiced, might not necessarily be right and proper, and might not be legally supported. Just because something is of usual practice, does not mean it is the right thing to do.

PRAYERS

I said i have been re-learning things. i can't be tackling everything. steps by steps. one of it is on prayers.

how do you pray? there are some differences in opinions among the clerics (all of them despite the difference, I believe are coming to certain opinion in good faiths). That is that. But have we not have the right to know how those opinions are derived?

On the subject matter of praying, i think Ustaz Zaharuddin's book, "Formula Solat Sempurna", is a good read. It introduces you to the reason of the differences amongst clerics, and accommodating such differences (afterall, differences shall not be made a source of rift!), and then continues discussing about the position in different mazhab, and THE REASON (DALIL) supporting such opinions. Afterall, we don't want to do things merely because that ustaz say this or that, but quran nor prophet never taught kan? The book also discussed on how some opinions were supported by weak hadith etc. enlightening, because it doesn't go into forcing or instructing opinions on you. but let you relates, and understand. so things can be reached by sound reasoning. and when one relates, one understand, one will be able to appreciate. :)

It doesn't go itu haram ini haram itu wajib itu sah itu tak sah without supporting that decision. why? did Allah say so? did prophet taught so? and if yes, was it clearly expressly provided? or was it something reached after so many interpretation and assumption? and why do some people read different doa iftitah? (there are few numbers of doa iftitah which can be recited, derived from the teaching and action of the prophet. in Malaysia generally we recite only one doa iftitah, which is not wrong as it is supported by prophet's action. and had you decide to recite other doa iftitah, is also not wrong as is also supported. so when other people accuse others of 'eh apa ni mazhab shafie baca doa iftitah ni , yang kau baca tu doa iftitah apa? mazhab apa kau ni?' Just answer, 'mazhab apa? aku orang islam, aku just baca doa iftitah yang rasulullah ajar, rasulullah ajar beberapa doa, selagi tak suka-suka buat benda yang rasulullah tak ajar langsung, tak salah kan?apa kena mengena dengan mazhab?. or, aku baca doa iftitah yang biasa kita baca la, yang dalam mazhab shafie, terima kasih sangat imam shafie bagi teladan and guide, tapi kalau orang lain baca doa lain pun tak salah jugak, selagi disokong dengan apa yang rasulullah ajar. ). Etc. Etc.

Oh and by the way, I myself recite doa iftitah which is usually recited in Malaysia. lagipun dah ingat and dah biasa baca, dan yang penting supported by dalil also. Just jangan main ikut practice je, walaupun tak disokong / unbacked / unsupported. However I won't go all meany to others who choose to read other version doa iftitah, afterall still of the prophets' teaching kan?

The doa iftitah thing is just one example, there are lots other discussions inside the books. :)

My concern is to do what i should, and depart from what i should not.

i respect all the imams. they provides guideline to religion, having an outline. and since i have been growing up under the guides laid down by mazhab shafie, what i practice will mostly tend towards his opinions. but they are to me a 'guide to religion' and not a religion in itself. My my concern is just that I am not doing things which are not provided by the religion. That what I am doing is supported. If what I have always been doing are supported, but also have few ways of doing it, I am still fine and content to continue what I have always been doing (since it is not wrong). BUT if i find it unsupported or maybe proved to be supported by weak hadith when there is a reliable hadith providing otherwise, i will depart from that even if that means i will be doing things more known in other mazhab. i respect all the imams. they are the teachers. but they are not the religion. my religion is islam. :)

setapak demi setapak.
mana mampu nak buat semua sekaligus kan? :)
kalau anda mampu baguslah. saya, perlukan masa.
http://zazahuri.blogspot.com/2011/08/artificial-wall-can-be-breached-anytime.html

Tell me, I will forget. Show me, I may remember. Involve me, I will understand.

2011-08-16T06:44:00.000+08:00

Tell me, I will forget. Show me, I may remember. Involve me, I will understand.

Do a search and you'll find this attributed to either Aristotle, Confucian Philosopher, and some wizard. but that's beside the point. The point is in the quote itself. I am not in a situation to elaborate further on this as of now, but it's one of a great lesson crystallising for me to learn. It is actually a generous lesson from Him that I get a first-hand experience of my approach i.e learning my own weaknesses from my reflection in others. Sakit memang sakit. But I really need it much, which I think I will appreciate it even more when things are over with me in a better position to introspectively ponder and effectively accept. Afterall, life is a continuous journey right? there are things along the way which we learn just don't work and it becomes our own commitment to tweak and improve our approaches. Learn from the good things, learn also from the weaknesses in others or weaknesses as in your own reflection in others - in which you would not effectively realize had you were not given the first hand experience, which is two-level of involve, and will understand bit ~ learning about effect of involvement through involvement and non-involvement).

I can't be writing the thoughts now. but i really hope one day i will be able to share.

and again;

Tell me, I will forget. Show me, I may remember. Involve me, I will understand.

later. and. power to all of us :)

Lesson From Mamoru and Cekodok.

2011-08-13T06:59:00.001+08:00

*Mamoru is a guy. Cekodok is a girl.*

Mamoru: Hey what are you doing here?

Cekodok: This is my new home. Why? You are feeling insecure aren’t you?

Mamoru: Don’t think you can take my place. I am her birthday bear.

Cekodok: You are just a birthday bear. I am her graduation bear. G.R.A.D.U.A.T.I.O.N., mind you.

Mamoru: If she was not born at all she would not even graduate or go to schools. And birthdays are every year. I am more significant and important.

Cekodok: Yes, birthdays are every year, and graduations are not as frequent, but that’s what makes me more special. Admit it, I am more special.

Mamoru and Cekodok continues to argue and argue of their importance.

Then comes loooooong silence.

Mamoru: Why do we argue on petty things like this?

Cekodok: kan. Actually there are lots of better things to do. We might be different but differences are blessings if we choose to take it as such kan?

Mamoru: True enough. We will only lose out by forever arguing this petty thing. If Zaza knows we are acting this way, she must be disgusted at us and chuck us out. Both of us will be losing.

Cekodok: She won’t chuck us out, we are both given by the adiks, so we both must be special right?

Mamoru: Right! We are both special to her! Maybe in different way, but still… SPECIAL.

Cekodok: Then, let’s complement each other! :D

Mamoru went down on his knees (wait does he actually have knees? Haha) and proposed;

Mamoru: Will you marry me?

Cekodok gave a sheepish smile, and nodded.

and;

My teddy-bears are now married!!!!

P/S: Those who love to gaduh-gaduh ajer (especially on petty things), please look at them and learn something from the teddy-bears. They resolve their differences, find a common ground, and complement each other despite the differences. If teddy-bears can do it (HA HA! XD) why not us? :D

2011-08-12T06:32:00.000+08:00

you know what to write. everything is in your mind. but you just can't put it down to writing. and it feels so much of a waste for not being able to share. so you force yourself to write. but it just does not want to come out. but you feel so strongly about sharing them. why can't it be materialized (as in putting it down in writing) then?

have you ever encountered such?

p/s : Have always been learning new things from my legal aid session. i always follow others in meeting client (i am just a coward at that), but this week i handled one on my own, but couldn't assist her with the matter. T.T

.there are much more life out there than what we know.

do more. do less.

2011-08-11T06:46:00.000+08:00

little things that make you happy #5

2011-08-09T19:49:00.003+08:00

last saturday, i saw a man carrying up a disabled man, helping him to cross the road.

today, an indian lady offered to share her umbrella with me as it was raining.

life is wonderful.

i am the assembler and the last completing piece of the puzzle.

2011-08-09T07:01:00.000+08:00

you can't live sufficient on you and you alone. that, i am learning along the way. god has his plan. and we, are to try and realize through effort. all of these might be the signs. the encounters, all of them, which inspires, are them the signs? the signs for me to forward. the signs for me to grow up. the signs for me to mature. when i start to be complacent, things comes to remind me not to. i think i have lots of ideas, but the thing is, they always remind an idea. i am too scared to step up. i am to scared to realize. once i am in my comfort zone, i tend to stay confined.

In university, i was blessed to have a housemate who i can share things, and who shares lots of things with me. i learn lots from her outlook of life. i have ideas, but they flourish more when talking to her.

have you wonder what is your purpose of life? what purpose are you going to serve? is life just about having good jobs. making good money. and then? what comes next? i don't want to live my life in driven only by material alone.i want to serve a purpose. a purpose i can relate. i know in whatever we do, somehow it can be related back to some sort of contribution. but sometimes, or maybe most of the time, it is us trying to find the significance. yet our heart does not really relate. it can be the smallest thing, but when we feel strongly about it, it is BIG. what's not significant to other might not be significant to us. what's significant to us, might be small to others.

yesterday, i had a conversation with a colleague. and she said 'don't look at yourself as how the other look at yourself. i choose to look at myself as how i look at myself''.

you know what, this short period of time has exposed me to a lot of thing. thing which can't be assessed by money in the world. Right in front of me, are already two persons, yes TWO, who are going to take a courageous steps to explore what might be uncertain, but what the heart feels right. they are leaving behind something secured, to have a taste of trying what they think is significant to them.

i asked another friend. 'how do you feel. what are you going to do after this?'. he said to me, 'i am lying if i said i am not worried'. the life ahead is uncertain, and what he is leaving behind is something secured. you get a starting salary of 3500+, which can be increased significantly by performance. he is such a knowledgeable person, can go far in the industry. why let that go? yet he says, 'this is just a part of the puzzle. i am trying to look at the bigger picture. i am trying to try other things. and get the taste of the other piece of the puzzle', so that he can later assemble them together and build an empire.

the first friend, she told me about those whose eyes spark and smiles so sincere, for the satisfaction of doing something which is right for them, and she is trying to achieve. driven spiritually, and not on the worldly material alone. 'i am a spiritual person', she said.

i have been thinking. and before this, i thought i am drawing out an alternative. alternative. in case something happen. but then i start being comfortable. the comfort zone. i can do this, i don't hate it, the pay is good, and things like that. the world ahead is uncertain, why must i jump into the uncertain in place of what most would say a good choice.

it has been coming on and off. there are times when i feel strongly about it, and when things are getting comfortable, i start putting it off my mind. but it keeps coming back. i remember reading the alchemist and how fired up i was. it's the omen. don't ignore else. one day it will abandon you. and later in life, you might regret not doing it when the time comes.

things are coming in bundles, everything like a puzzle. it is just for me to assemble it and then be firm about it. it is for me to take the baby step. the friend said, it is good to think, but you also ought to make the baby steps!. and made my first baby step yesterday; making my parents to sit down and listen to me, broadcasting what i feel, and the road i intend to take, and the reason i have. before this, they have already given the green light. it is just that, I, myself, was in a confusion. like i said, it was just an alternative thus not something i didn't really feel strongly of. resorting to such, i will have no stream of income, back to square one, and i will start relying to them again. i sat down with them to tell them my worry, that i might not really able to pay back everything , to really contribute to them. it was an emotional broadcast of my feeling, and a rainy affair.

they are very supportive. which i am very thankful at. i have the opportunity, i might be lucky in this sense, i don't have real commitments attached, i need not pay back any education loan and that sort, and furthermore i my parents are even willing to continue supporting me. sometimes, how shameful can that be on my part? But, i told them if i am not able to repay everything in this life directly to them (which definitely i will not be able to, on the mercy and kindness, other than financial support, they have been giving me to raise me up), i told them i am going to do my bit to support the life after me. if i have children, to let the mercy and kindness flow to them. to work hard to provide them with education, to make sure that i will be able to provide them something without the need of them to be turning to others for help and in a cycle be attached and tied, i want to be able to take that one burden of them, for them to use the freed space to explore other things which they might not be able to do because of being tied to something.

[hadis]

some people have other commitments, and thus need to take into consideration lots of thing. i am not, so why i am chaining myself right? BUT. I just need to remember not to take things for granted. and in providing the life after me such, i must also need to teach them not to take things for granted, as you know how sometimes being provided and being lucky of certain thing would make one spoiled. this is a matter of balance.

i have been flip-flopping. i think i have been quite confined. but then in front of me are two courageous people to inspire me. and then comes random serious discussion i am having with another friend, which further affirm the road i am going to take. i have been wanting to contribute in my own way, but i have always been chained by my comfort zone. i always feel incompetent. i always feel insufficient. and it is not like i am not thankful, but it is the feeling of serving the purpose. i don't care about the exam result. you might say how unthankful i am and pointing to my result. the reason why i don't like to share my exam result with my friends. ask my close circle of friends, i didn't even tell them and if they know, they know it themselves. because to me, whatever it is that we get, how good it seems like on paper, might not really be in tally with your sense of purpose. and sometimes it will just put an expectation up high, when one might actually not able to deliver, and it is a scary feeling. i rather have no expectation put on me, but i perform. rather than to have an expectation on me, but i fail to deliver. thus why i am wondering why certain people would actually love to be dijunjung tinggi-tinggi and boast on everything, don't they feel the pressure? back to the issue, i always feel incompetent, and always have doubt on myself. but today, i am putting everything down in writing so that one day, if, if i am trying to change my mind just because i feel heavy to leave the comfort zone, i will have this to refer back to.

this (little) courage i have in this holy month of Ramadhan is really a precious thing. how things been falling in this month is really precious to me.

I have been reading about finance earlier in my pupillage but stop short. and it just happen that a friend forwarded me something. and then when i was searching for something for work, i stumbled into an article on the global financial crisis. it is sad how the system works, and how everything is man-made, and how it is the trust money of depositer are being taken advantage for leverages and taking of high interest. to think that those are trust money, and those trust money are being used to further solicit money from others, and in a bigger picture, controlling the whole world, in expense of the not knowing public, whose money are used to generate the oppression, whose money are actually used to actually put them in more disadvantage. i forwarded the article to a friend in response of a video he shared, and his response just struck me hard. i think it is the 'human value' in it, the value to contribute in the correspondence that he shared which struck me hard. it is like the letters are mocking me. you say you want to contribute. you say you want to do something. really? or has not you been drown in the world of materialistic that you forget that sense of purpose you have been seeking all this while?.

i might not be able to change the world directly. but i don't think one man can ever change the world strictly speaking. but one man can contribute to change the world in their own way, through alliance of men. i might not see the fruit of my contribution in my life, the road i am going to pursue might not be perfect, still lots of criticism, still lots of unduly imitation, BUT it is a step forward. one can't expect things to fall nicely into place in one second. things are not perfect yet, but i want to chip in what i can do albeit small in forwarding the cause.

the material part might not be as inviting as the other, but then ask myself, what is it that i am really seeking? it is also a blessing to read this; http://saifulislam.com/?p=10277.

see. i don't know how to say this, things are in front of me to help me decide. those pieces of puzzle in forms of occurences, the people i meet, and the things that i read in this one short period of times are like signs to the prayer i seek, they are like puzzles and waiting to be assembled by me. the last completing piece is ME. am i completing the puzzle or shall i let all things go to waste?

i decided to make my first baby step.

Thanks Allah.

2011-08-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

after much deliberation. and timely occurrences. i am going to step out from my comfort zone. with conviction.

god, please grant me courage.

sorry. it is not a pretty scene.

2011-08-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

i know sometimes we are too excited that we buy each and everything. which later turns up as food wastage. i am no exception. this is also my personal reminder.

As we throw the wastage into the bin, let us just remember them;

the artificial wall can be breached anytime, is our heart prepared to fight?

2011-08-07T22:17:00.003+08:00

Our priorities are misplaced. We keep stressing on the artificial layer and not directly tackling the real problem we are having.

We try so hard shunning away all the so-called negative influence from outside yet we don't strengthen the heart. We stress on the status of person on the IC, but did we stress the same of what is inside their heart? we punish, we judge, but why don't we care to nurture the heart? are we really a believer? and are those we call disbeliever really a disbeliever? we have many mosques, but how many are accepting and make one feels belonged? we called ourselves Muslim, but are we living the life of a Muslim? We read the Quran in the Arabic language, but how many care to understand what they are reading, what's the meaning? The Prophet says, don't hurt your neighbour, don't be loud in your prayers, (only Azan should be loud to call people to prayer), yet why do we have some mosques airing all and everything in loudspeaker, causing annoyance to the public? We do this religious ritual and that ritual, but how many really appreciate the religious significance of such? We listen and follow, blindly follow. has not it come to us whether we indeed really believe? or are we merely imitating?

And when it is said to them, "Follow what Allah has revealed," they say, "Rather, we will follow that which we found our fathers doing." Even though their fathers understood nothing, nor were they guided?

Dan apabila dikatakan kepada mereka" Turutlah akan apa yang telah diturunkan oleh Allah" mereka menjawab: "(Tidak), bahkan kami (hanya) menurut apa yang kami dapati datuk nenek kami melakukannya". Patutkah (mereka menurutnya) sekalipun datuk neneknya itu tidak faham sesuatu (apa pun tentang perkara-perkara ugama), dan tidak pula mendapat petunjuk hidayah (dari Allah)?

(Al-Baqarah 2 : 170)

Truth is, many has start to lose the 'connection'. because we no longer really understand, really appreciate. Why? because we are taught not to ask. we are taught not to differ. we are thought just to accept. any difference we'll be considered deviant. is not difference a blessing in Islam? The Sahabah, the closest to Prophet had different views yet they didn't call each other sesat. Even our four esteemed Imams, they have different takes on certain things (based on the knowledge and facts in their possession at that time), yet do they disrespect each other?

We make Mazhab, and start calling each other with such Mazhab, I am a Hanafi, She's a Shafiee and etc. Why?

I AM A MUSLIM

I am no Shafie, Hanafi, Maliki etc.

I AM JUST A MUSLIM.

I have great respect on the Imams. Their opinions and takes on something are my guidance, as they are the people of knowledge.

But they are only a guide for me to understand my religion. My religion is still Islam. My main sources are still the Quran and Sunnah. The Imams, the scholars are; the teachers, to guide us.

As such, Mazhab should serve as a guide.

but why I am seeing people taking them like a 'whole religion' in itself?

Mazhab sepatutnya hanyalah 'panduan', bukan 'pegangan'. Islam adalah 'pegangan'.

And as such, we see people lambasting others for difference. We must only hold on to only one set of thought, don't think, don't ask, this is it - we are made to live in such environment. and because of such, people are starting to disconnect because they can no longer relate to religion. religion is now exclusive to those in power to decide which version of Islam we should take. We are discouraged to think anymore.

It is my religion, it should be a personal belief, and by belief, it is something one 'believes' in. But when we cut the connection, how are we going to (really) believe?

I want to know why. Why is this, this. Why is that, that. An Ustaz saying it is this and that is not enough to me. I want to know whether the Allah ordered it? whether it is in the Quran? whether Rasululullah taught it? I want to know the sources. because when i know the source, when I am confidence about it being ordained by Allah and the prophet, I will be able to relate, I will be able to feel the connection, I will understand more, thus I will appreciate. Is not that how a heart will be nurtured and filled into loving the religion?

Some might go far into questioning the very existence of god. but there are some thing called faith, which is hard to explain. I have faith in Allah and Islam. I believe in His existence. and that, I really am not able to explain. You ask me source? I will say it is all around us, the mountain, the sky, are all evidences. but some might say, those are just nature, and just nature, which are not backed by any god. I can't really answer that, this has now become a question of faith. I saw that as evidences of His existence. Some might not. So now, we will leave that as that. Borrowing a word from a friend, it is something which can't be 'algorithimized'.

But as far as the sources I go in evidencing a 'hukum' , we Muslims hold to Al-Quran and sunnah as our main source. So in view of that, I want to know which order of Allah and which teaching of Rasulullah one is deriving a hukum on? That are the connection build between me and Islam. Being able to appreciate.

Islam is not only about rituals which we don't understand and only do as routines and mere routines. A belief is something about connection, and also being able to relate.

But why are people trying to 'take away' and 'deprive' us of such opportunity to connect with our own religion?

so when people are distancing away from religion, being shunned away because of such attitude, are we blaming them? is it not the system? a system which makes religion something artificial and superficial. sad. ironic.

I wrote this before;

I understand the opinions of some who is very defensive of the religion, who is very protective of it that we try any possible means to constrict the youngster in a circle of protection, trying to shun away all the 'negative' influence we believe to be, but what will happen if the circle of protection is breached? One's Aqidah is left to fight but problem arises if the Aqidah itself is not strong enough.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

We are trying to give the protection, which is commendable, but we forget the most important thing, that is education. Because of this insufficient education, it is understandable that we believe that all the outside influence will badly influence our Muslim generation. Why? Why so defensive and protective? Because somewhere in the heart, we believe that these Muslim youngsters don't have what it takes to fight outside influence. Why? It is the aqidah, because we never put much stress in it which is the one of the most important thing.

We don't nurture. We don't feel in the void.

But keep punishing. And blaming. And have our priorities misplaced.

We chase people away from religion. They run away not because of religion, but because of the system backing it. they no longer see the pure and true value of the religion. blinded and covered by the system camouflaging as the 'protector'.

And another problem is, we tend to blame others and not see our fault. When we ignore the welfare of the needy, when they turn to others, are we blaming them? we don't care about their well-being, when they give up, we blame them. we don't fill their heart, when they turn away, we say they are deviant. we pull them into the religion, then we abandon and ignore them. we stress so much on the skin, and not the heart. we fight for the surface, and not the substance.

have we not see that we only build an external wall surrounding the society, but not strengthening 'what-matters-most' ---; the heart. the disconnecting heart. we punish. we judge. yet we don't nurture. We cut the connection, the heart no longer be able to 'appreciate' and 'believe'.

we then construct an artificial wall as a justification. a weak justification.
once breached, how is the void heart going to to protect itself?

Ramadhan Mission 1

2011-08-04T14:07:00.001+08:00

I always forget. And i am not proud of it. We human need constant reminder. It is there staring on us, just that we never want to seek.

And today, while trying to keep to the mission of finishing the whole quran within a month ( though my progress is very slow it seems considering this is already the fourth day of ramadhan. Adik has covered more. But i am reminding myself this is not a competition, but 'personal mission'. I am going to do this at my own phase ) this specific verse struck me hard, really hard. I cried.

The guilty feeling. Sometimes when we talk, really it is easier than done. Sometimes we forget that we carry a burden of realizing what we forward. Do you know the feeling of guilt when you don't deliver? I am always guilty of such. And to think that He provides constant reminder in the Book had we care to constantly read it. T.T

i am reminded again through this;

أَتَأْمُرُونَ النَّاسَ بِالْبِرِّ وَتَنسَوْنَ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ تَتْلُونَ الْكِتَابَ أَفَلَا تَعْقِلُونَ

Do yo enjoin right conduct on the people, and forget (to practice it) yourselves and yet you study the Scripture? Will you not understand?

Patutkah kamu menyuruh manusia supaya berbuat kebaikan sedang kamu lupa akan diri kamu sendiri, padahal kamu semua membaca kitab Allah, tidakkah kamu berakal?

(Al-Baqarah 1:44)

T.T

P/s: might be sharing some random verse which affects me through the mission. Hope i am not annoying people

- posted through mobile phone

2011-08-04T08:06:00.001+08:00

Good morning. I woke up with mixed feeling. I want to return to my childhood. but realize no way I could.

had a conversation with adik.

2011-08-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

i am afraid of sweet talker. i really am. when one can talk so sweet to anyone and everyone. then i will take that as I am just one of the many one. and i will then tend to run. if there's such sport for olympic, i might be winning a medal as a sprinter of such matter.

i don't like having to decide, really. it's one of the matters i think the concept of 'spoilt with choices' doesn't apply. the more the count, the more confused one is, the more one'll tend to run from each and everyone. adik says, seek. seek from Him. i am afraid. couldn't bring myself to at the moment. as in specifically seek. my prayer has always been very general in that regard. pity me. or shall i ask mama to decide for me then. i can't also. it is still about me. i can't simply delegate. maybe i shall forget anything of such for few months and let everything fade. then just come what should, and leave what should not. sorry God. i always talked about effort, but if there is any exemption i would apply right now from you, it will be this matter. can i just not put any effort, leading to such? leading to such, then once fixed, i promise to put in efforts. of course I can't, right? how can i be selectively discriminative on efforts? geez. but now, what i need is not choice. but clarity of thinking. one. and a clear yes or no. maybe i shall just let things fade. and let things come when i less expect.

Ya Allah let Your light shine upon me.

Opah dan Puasa, Legal Aid, & The Seeing Blind Man.

2011-08-03T21:41:00.001+08:00

maybe afterall it is not so much about us helping others,

.....but of us learning from them.

OPAH AND FASTING

Grandma is at our home. My 90 year old grandma.Yes 90 years old. She is at the age where health is of concern. Yet she insist to fast. I told her she should not. My sister told her she should not. Fasting is not for those who are sick, on in this case, an aged person like her.

"Opah. Yong risau. Opah tak sihat sangat. Kalau hari-hari biasa pun Opah dah tak makan banyak, lagikan bulan puasa. takelok untuk badan. Kalau Opah tak puasa pun takpe"

"eh. tak boleh."

"boleh. Islam bagi."

"kalau tak mampu. ni Opah mampu".

mampu.

the word attracts subjective assessment.

from what i see it, she should not fast. she needs the nutrients. she needs to take medication accordingly. she needs energy, even a little bit more for her already weak body. my sister think so too. but to her, she feels like she can still do it. bless her nevertheless for being adamant on it. it is just that I want her to know that Islam is not 'mean', that she by right is in an exempted position of the obligation. something i can learn from her though, is the faith she holds to.

LEGAL AID

When people comes to you and you can't help, how does it feel? Just now an unemployed person came for an assistance, but she was not prepared to pay the disbursements.

The Legal Aid Centre provides free legal representation to the needy. By free, it means clients are not charged with legal fees. The volunteer lawyer gets nothing. But, clients still need to pay for disbursements. Filing the necessary documents in court, payment need to be made. The payment will be needed for such,clients will pay for such. It is not helping actually that family matter, especially when contested can be very expensive. For disbursements alone, they might need to pay around RM1000-1500. Legal service, no. It is as if you pay the tailor the cost of your cloth, but not pay her upah to sew it. Or you provide the cloth, and they sew it for free. The legal aid centre sew, but are not providing you with the material. That, must be borne by you.

It is hard when people comes and expect not to pay anything. It is also hard when you need to turn down people. Sometimes, it is not that the Centre does not want to help, but clients must also help themselves. It is wrong to expect everything shall be given for free, as in one shall not do anything.

Those volunteer lawyers are rendering their service for free. They don't get the cents. Outside legal aid centre, it might even cost you RM5000. I heard if you handle big shot's contested family matter, RM10000 is actually easy money. (I might be wrong, but those are the estimate).

I know people can be very critical with lawyers, but I learn to accept that you can never satisfy everyone. and when one chose to ignore they will ignore. Just if you decide not to ignore, Legal Aid Centre in Malaysia is the only Legal Aid Centre in the world funded by lawyers. The only one in the world. The centre is providing aid with the funds of professionals, so you know.

Other jurisdictions usually has a fund for legal aid but from the government. Only recently, early this year (February 2011 I think) that the Yayasan Bantuan Guaman Kebangsaan (YBGK) is set up with funds from the government. though it should have been done earlier, good development I say. They, cover disbursement/filing fees and even pay sum of money to lawyers in handling matters for the qualified client. If you really are in need, that's the place to seek assistance.

But if you are not qualified, but your financial standing might still not be enough to engage a lawyer (as in paying for legal service) then Legal Aid Centre is the next choice, provided you are prepared to pay the disbursements, and of course you need to pass the means test (an assessment to your financial standing). As for now if your net income (after deducting all the expenses) per month is below 650 for individual, 950 for spouses, you will probably qualify. You will qualify for free legal service, not free everything. If you really have no income, really in need, then the best try is YBGK as I said earlier as they also cover disbursements.

That point aside, family matters really strikes me hard. I am very sensitive with things like this, maybe due to the fact that I expect a lot from a family life. maybe it's not just me, but most of other people too. it can be sort of 'what-if' fear. thus why handling family matters made me sad. especially when I see people living in an abusive household it crushes my heart so much. especially when I see the effects on the children. I feel like giving them a hug, but I was reminded that in that position, I should not. Once you give a lot of your time to deal with them on the 'emotional level', you are taking time from others who would need the time for them too, and time for volunteering works are usually not a luxury.

Every pupil must do legal aid duty, among others, before you can be called to the bar i.e being acknowledged as a full-pledged lawyer. (and the use of full-pledge is not intended to be full-pledged as in fully-equipped, no, merely to say that you are now legally recognized as one). So it is compulsory. And you need to be there. But those volunteer lawyers, assisting the centre, are there because they want to, with no pay. I respect them (though Government-funded YBGK now pays volunteer lawyers a sum, albeit not much).

In every profession, there will be those who contributes to the society. I believe, every profession. It is just that it is quite sad that people don't really look at lawyers as those contributors. forget for a while the rotten one. I am saying the unsung heroes here.

and this unsung heroes too, they might have realized that they are also learning from those people they help.

THE BLIND MAN

And then on the way back, at the LRT station, I saw a blind man walking in the sea of people. I felt a pinch in my heart. pinch. pinch. pinch. I went to him and asked him where is he heading too? He said was trying to go to the toilet. I looked around, couldn't see any sign to the restroom.

I asked him. "Pakcik tahu ke kat mana toilet?".

And he said. "Tau".

I... just.... went... silent.

"terima kasih", he said, when I was not even helping anything.

It was numbing I tell you. And I stood there and saw him walking away to a direction he knows without a need of a pair of seeing eyes. It just struck me there and then. I have eyes. But I am not clear of my direction. You might as well call me blind.

And I just stood there, feeling so small. I just stood there, and by the time he disappeared from my sight, a tinge of regret rushed in. I should have followed him. at least I can help him manouvre around the crowd as the crowd in the rush hour might not realize his disability. but...

maybe afterall it is not so much about us helping others,

.....but of us learning from them.

Sometimes when you feel like you are assisting others, it just comes back that you are actually learning from them. A humbling experience one really needs. because sometimes we feel we are so big when we are just s.m.a.l.l people. again.... it is those humbling experiences one really needs.

Having legal aid duty in this month....
numbed in front of a blind man...

and being able to reflect on such...

maybe are some of the precious lessons and rahmah for me this Ramadhan?

2011-08-02T20:13:00.002+08:00

I left my netbook at the firm. Now i feel handicapped. I think my heater-laptop at home miss me it wants me to utilise it. I havent use it eversince i bought the netbook.

Well. What to write?

I have lots to write actually. Not the serious stuffs. I need a break too. I need to write something like my tutti frutti date with mama.

I need to write about our 3D movies watching spree. About how i have always prefer Ron Weasley over Harry Potter. my thank you wish to Harry Potter (the books) for accompanying my chilhood and the transition to an adult. I want to talk about how admirable some people are to inspire my life. About how i have randomly equipped myself with parenting stuffs haha please laugh at me now ( i think it is the age ) watching videos on baby care and stuffs lol ironic but adik says it is okay we might not be going down that line soon but it is always better to equip oneself haha sila gelak that's just ayat nak justify.

Other than that i think nothing really is interesting with my life. So i need to make it interesting now. Thinking of how. Oh I SHOULD. it is Ramadhan a month of reward even more so i should make it more interesting in form of contributing to others and to my OWNSELF. i must make my life more interesting.

Haha was that sort of implying my life is uninteresting and plain? Haha. But really, sometimes i do think as such. But we shall also not forget those less unfortunate, bila rasa diri kurang jangan pandang orang yang lebih je pandang jugak yang kurang. Ok ingat ingat, ok insaf sedikit, oklah taknak cakap life tak best dan uninteresting, ok tak tak.

prophet pbuh said "if anyone of you looked at a person who was more superior to him in property and appearance, then he should also look at the one who is inferior to him, and to whom he has been made superior"

- sahih bukhari

Oh and i also want to talk about my fears though that will be quite serious. About future expectation. about regrets. about putting a break on something. Oh it went from fun to serious sorry dear self. This is supposed to be fun. Ok enough of such for the purpose of this entry.

I want to go out and explore the world. Through the eyes of a backpacker/budget traveller. i want to see how the grassroots lives and not just an artificial setting of a luxurious trip (though sometimes u'd need such vacation too :p). I am afraid it will remain only a dream. Must try to realize!

Wow. For an entry from a mobile phone, this is quite long! Ok la. Later!

- Posted through mobile phone

HAPPY RAMADHAN!

2011-08-01T00:09:00.003+08:00

The Prophet said, "Whoever established prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven."

Have a blessed Ramadhan to all Muslim brothers and sisters.

Let us seek a fulfilling Ramadhan this year. I know for sure I always lag off, and have not really tried to derive the best of the month personally speaking. which is a waste I know. It's like having a bonus offer but never care to grab on such. yes I am always guilty of such.

I just hope that this Ramadhan will be better and fulfilling. I plan to finish reciting the whole Quran within this month, so who want to accompany me (in spirit)? I really don't know if I am able to do that or not, in light of works and all, but no harm in trying and having the intention, right?

All the deeds we do are for us, while fasting is genuinely one act of worship towards Him. So let us treasure this opportunity to seek His blessing. I might not be the right person to say this, but is there any 'right' person to actually do so? :)

Allah's Apostle said, "Allah said, 'All the deeds of Adam's sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.' Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarreling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, 'I am fasting.' By Him in Whose Hands my soul is' The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting."

THE UNPLEASANT SMELL FROM A FASTING PERSON IS BETTER THAN THE MUSK.
SO SHOULD YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH OR NOT?

It was related in above hadith that the unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. It shows how highly regarded a fasting person in the eyes of Allah BUT NEVER LET such to be a reason why we shouldn't observe our hygiene.

I remember when I was a kid I was told that brushing your teeth is 'MAKRUH' (disliked) when you are fasting, and how some would make the above hadith a 'back-up' of smelly mouth saying that it smells like perfume because of fasting. As a child, I found that a bit funny but I kept that idea to myself, afterall there was like an accepted notion that one shall not ask, but accept as it is. Which is very very faulty, as Islam is not a religion of 'blind' following.

I wonder the reaction of non-Muslim listening to that, that kind of reasoning can be funny and cast unfavourable light to us Muslims. It's like haha they are covering up their smelly mouth by reason of it smelling like perfume in their only mind.

Don't use religion to make religion seems bad. Never did Islam ask you to neglect your hygiene, just because of the above Hadith. IN FACT, it was enlightening to me (as I was fed by my ustaz ustazah when I was young that brushing your teeth in the month of Ramadhan is disliked) when this Hadith was related to me;

Narrated 'Amir bin Rabi'a, "I saw the Prophet cleaning his teeth with Siwak while he was fasting so many times as I can't count." And narrated Abu Huraira, "The Prophet said, 'But for my fear that it would be hard for my followers, I would have ordered them to clean their teeth with Siwak on every performance of ablution." The same is narrated by Jabir and Zaid bin Khalid from the Prophet who did not differentiate between a fasting and a nonfasting person in this respect (using Siwak). Aisha said, "The Prophet said, "It (i.e. Siwak) is a purification for the mouth and it is a way of seeking Allah's pleasures." Ata' and Qatada said, "There is no harm in swallowing the resultant saliva."

(Siwak is a tool used to brush the teeth back then. I don't find any reason why a toothbrush and toothpaste should be differentiated)

FASTING WHILE TRAVELLING

We are never compelled to fast during a journey. One may still wish to fast, and he may also wish not to fast in such situation. It is a 'rukhsah' (convenience) provided for in the religion. (provided you shall replace the days accordingly when you are competent to do so).

Narrated 'Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Hamza bin 'Amr Al-Aslami asked the Prophet, "Should I fast while traveling?" The Prophet replied, "You may fast if you wish, and you may not fast if you wish."

Narrated Abu Ad-Darda: We set out with Allah's Apostle on one of his journeys on a very hot day, and it was so hot that one had to put his hand over his head because of the severity of heat. None of us was fasting except the Prophet and Ibn Rawaha.

If the state of health is not on the positive, you are not compelled to do such. Especially in a journey, and your steadfastness despite not of your body's capacity to handle it would menyusahkan others.

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: Allah's Apostle was on a journey and saw a crowd of people, and a man was being shaded (by them). He asked, "What is the matter?" They said, "He (the man) is fasting." The Prophet said, "It is not righteousness that you fast on a journey."

And one, shall not JUDGE others wishing not to fast in such situation.

I know I always write on the topic of judging others. It is prevalent in the society unfortunately. One would always try to point something, talk about it, and start comparing. Then start talking bad things.

oh, he's just making an excuse, he can actually but too lazy to do it.
Oh, why must not he fast in the journey? it is not that tired anyway. Alasannn.
Ooh so weak. His Iman must be so bad that he can't even handle that.

And the prejudice goes on and on. And these people will start looking down on others and think that they are better. Little that they know it was not the practice of the sahabah to question, compare and judge others in such situtation, especially when it is a convenience provided by the religion.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: We used to travel with the Prophet and neither did the fasting persons criticize those who were not fasting, nor did those who were not fasting criticize the fasting ones.

Narrated Tawus: Ibn 'Abbas said, "Allah's Apostle set out from Medina to Mecca and he fasted till he reached 'Usfan, where he asked for water and raised his hand to let the people see him, and then broke the fast, and did not fast after that till he reached Mecca, and that happened in Ramadan." Ibn 'Abbas used to say, "Allah's Apostle (sometimes) fasted and (sometimes) did not fast during the journeys so whoever wished to fast could fast, and whoever wished not to fast, could do so."

Don't judge others. But seek for the best on our part. Which means that if we know we are able to do it, then do it and not seek excuses. We knows what is in our heart right? But don't judge and decide for others, for we not know what really is in their heart.

FASTING IS NO REASON OF BEING UNPRODUCTIVE

Fasting in Islam is not and order to torture the followers. It is certainly not so. The Prophet was against fasting continuously day and night, and also fasting the whole year, to which he related to his friends. This can be read in many of the related hadith which I don't think would be something I would lay down here (all and everything).

Besides, it is not the purpose of fasting to make you weak and unenergetic.Besides I heard there was some research conducted before on how fasting is good for your health, providing the necessary break your body needs (but correct me if I am wrong since I am actually not very sure of reliability of the source, just that remember reading about such. point me to the correct reference if you know.) Afterall, it is all about the balance.

(the following hadith is on fasting in general, not specifically on Ramadhan, in relating that it is not the purpose of fasting to make one's body weak and unenergetic, the Prophet reminded not to fast all year long)

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'As: The Prophet said to me, "You fast daily all the year and pray every night all the night?" I replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said, "If you keep on doing this, your eyes will become weak and your body will get tired. He who fasts all the year is as he who did not fast at all. The fasting of three days (a month) will be equal to the tasting of the whole year." I replied, "I have the power for more than this." The Prophet said, "Then fast like the fasting of David who used to fast on alternate days and would never flee from the battle field, on meeting the enemy.

Fasting should not make one unproductive! The compulsory one-month Ramadhan should not do such when prophet Daud himself who fast half the year did not go down weak on his knees.

Don't, just because you are fasting, go to work all weak and lazy, putting the blame on fasting. Should not be it. Don't use religion to make religion looks bad.

Let's be productive at our workplace.

And let also be generous in this month (and also any other month for that matter! :))

“The Messenger of Allah, was the most generous of people and he used to be most generous in Ramadan”

Happy Ramadhan everyone :)

*all Hadith related above are from Sahih Bukhari*

sihat yang tak sihat

2011-07-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

i hardly fell sick. even if i fell sick, most of the time it is not those i-must-lay-down-on-the-bed-and-not-moving-cos-it's-so-painful-you-don't-want-to-be-me kind of sick.

but recently i feel that my antibody is not serving me well. still, not to the extent of the extreme above, but quite often I feel the sort of warm exhausted feeling very very not energetic.

it is like being sihat but tak sihat. if people ask i can't say i am sihat, but i can't say i am tak sihat either.

am i making any sense?

I am a traveller. but what does it mean when i settle down at a place, too complacent?

2011-07-24T14:29:00.000+08:00

Sometimes being too comfortable with life can be pretty damning. damning in the sense that we forget about priorities. damning in the sense that we forget to improve and expanding our horizon of thinking. which I believe is necessary. because life afterall is a continuous journey. you can't be stagnant forever at one place, without trying to improve or do something.

I think it is true when they say the people around you, the books you read, the things you watch, might sculpt and shape you. and it's also how you decide to apply those things. i love my japanese series, they taught me lots about life, more than books and people could ever do to me. it is not exaggerating to say that my EQ's are mostly nurtured from those early years of my kind of 'fanaticism' towards japanese tv series. of course books and people adds on to strengthen that. the people we are surrounded with also affect our view on the world. friends with those who likes to play all the time, and chances are you will tend to play more. we are weak. heck, I am weak.

there is weight to the term 'peer pressure'. I think on the outer surface, I can at times be quite a fighter against peer pressure, but a times, for outlooks on life, peer pressure can be pretty damning. you can be lazier than you should because of this. you can be more negative than you should because of this. and to be fair, you can improve lots when you got close yourself with good and positive acquaintance. the 'key' is of course and obviously yourself. we shouldn't blame others because of our undertaking. we remain the main responsible body of our own action, but realistically speaking those external factors do affect and influence people.

i miss the times to ponder on life with a friend. not all would allow me to do this (only 2 persons made me feel at ease discussing on such). this is boring and important stuff to many. to some this is just about extreme worrying and thinking. BUT, when I tried to slow down, I find myself losing the direction. by thinking and pondering, I feel more engaged with life. as a Muslim I know that I am just a 'traveller', and along the way, thinking what have I done to prepare myself for my final destination? Pondering and thinking is tiring, but the good thing at the end is how satisfying it can be.

But when I forget to do that, and becomes more comfortable with my surrounding as in life in its artificial form, I seem to forget to ask myself my purpose, the priority becomes distant. This made me realize, I need someone to guide me through, or sufficient to just walk together with me, side by side, to advise me, to tegur me, and to 'attack' my thoughts intellectually.

I am a fallibist. And by that I am prepared to change my stand has a new fact surfaces to refute such stand. but human is restricted in capacity to know EVERYTHING. you will be amazed how the more you read, how the more you seek things, the more you realize you don't know lots of things, lots and lots of things. You will never know all the knowledge in the world. And I am also restricted like any others. How then would you help me of my possible wrong stance of an issue? by engaging me in a discussion, a fulfilling one in terms of the nature of exchange effected. intellectual, fulfilling and CIVILISED. By pointing out the deficiency in my stand or the facts I used to come up to that stand. It is never a win-or-lose exchange but just a course of enlightenment. It can even be that the fact I used which you think is misleading might be right to which I can help to clarify it and help you to re-position your evaluation on it. It is a two-way beneficial discourse.

Yet this kind of things are boring and unimportant to many.

In this life, I tell you I only have two persons i can talk of such with ease;- about life and its complex structure. It is my sister, and one of my ex-housemates. Through this encounters, I am always trying to improve ( though I 'always' slip along the way, being back on the track, and slip again, and to be back on the track. it is tiring, but to think back it is beautiful how people can try and always try despite the failure along the way. I am a firm believer of the 'process' more than the 'outcome'. And I am a believer that my God is looking at such. you might be poor, or rich. You might even be a not so pious Muslim but are continuously undertaking changes to the better. Afterall our starting line can be very different, so HOW we drive ourselves onward would be the fairest evaluation of our worth right? ).

But I feel trapped when I am not able to talk about this to others, this matter is just boring to many. It's those kind of things which seems to fire me up to better myself, the more I realize about the complexity of life, the more I question about my purpose, the more I feel like improving or doing something or contribute in my own way. The less that I think about such, the more I feel complacent, sometimes too complacent of my current life. I don;t want to be numbed as such, that I will forget the status of 'traveller' I hold to. Since I hardly have this chance to talk to people about this kind of things except the two persons I mentioned earlier, sometimes I feel trapped.

I can only ramble on this in this blog with the risk of people finding me boring, or complex, or even normal, or anything. but this is just.. me.

I am a traveller.

when i settled down at a place, too complacent,

that's when I forget that I am actually just... a traveller.

What is your definition of a Muslim? Is it the status in the IC?

2011-07-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

sad really. when we lose sight of the priority. sad really. when losing sight of the priority we cause taint to the image of something we say we are protecting.

What is a Muslim. What makes one a Muslim? The MAIN thing is the 'conviction', the 'keyakinan' in One God and no others, and its Messenger. When we say 'keyakinan' it is what we 'feel'. It is not what we 'say'. I can be reading a script saying I believe in this and this, but can my heart lies?

What is the good of 'forcing' a person to becomes a Muslim, I ask? Note that I use the term 'force'. What the use of 'coercing' them, I ask? When the status of an IC changes, do you really thing it is an automatic statement of a Muslim one is?

What it is that we are protecting? Like what Ustaz Asri tweeted the other day (which is quite on the reverse of what I am referring above, but with the same relevant concern);

realDrMAZA Dr Mohd Asri

Apbila sseorg mengistihar keluar Islam, mk dari segi akidah dia murtad. Samada dia tukar IC atau tidak. So, prtahankn akidah, prtahankn IC?

4 Jul

true enough. what is it that we are protecting? Is it the Akidah? or is it the status in the IC? Once a person choose not to believe, nothwithstanding anything on the IC, he is already someone who does not believe.

It is always the substance over the form.

Instead of strengtening the Akidah, feeling the gap by proper education (note that I use the term 'proper'.), some choose to go to the form and ignoring the main issue. The true protective shield is the heart, if that is protected, if it believes, no matter a status of Non Muslim attached on its IC, you would never know his status in the eyes of Allah, he might be a Muslim but an undeclared one in the administrative system we lives in. But if he does not believe, no matter the status of a Muslim attached to his/her IC.... is he still a Muslim?

May I repeat?
It is always the substance over the form.

Yet why is it that some always choose to fight for the form, losing sight of the priority and in the course of doing so, taint the image of this religion I hold dearly?

And the coercion done to the non-Muslim to embrace Islam by promising something for their welfare, but if they don't then no we won't care of your welfare? like what?? this is very very very sad.

there is no compulsion in religion.

Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.

(Al-Baqarah 2:256)

Some might say but hey you are born in Islam! and things like that. but ask back of yourself, is definition of Islam;-
being born in a Muslim family?
having such status in your IC?
saying out loud the syahadah but never 'believes' in it?

The Akidah is what makes one a Muslim. It is 'believing' with your heart, of one and only god. B.E.L.I.E.V.E.

So when we are fighting for something, ask ourselves, ....what is it that we are fighting actually? the akidah? or the form as in mere form?

and I really can't comprehend those who chose to force and compel.

For you is your religion, and for me is my religion.

(Al-Kafirun 109:6)

and to those who says that the no compulsion verse is abrogated by the later verse to fight against non-Muslim and all, *sigh* please do check the context and background, that specific verse was revealed on the "Badr War", when two parties were actually at war with each other. it is in no way saying 'fight' as in 'daily instruction'. Wrong context. Misleading. and Cheap.

-------------------------------------------------------------

There are lots of verse on the role of the prophet as the reminders, more or less of the same context, few of which;

Say: "What has come to me by inspiration is that your Allah is One Allah: will ye therefore bow to His Will (in Islam)? But if they turn back, Say: "I have proclaimed the Message to you all alike and in truth; but I know not whether that which ye are promised is near or far."

Al-Anbiya' 21:108-109

So remind, [O Muhammad]; you are only a reminder. You are not over them a controller.

Al-Ghashiyah 88:21-22

Say, "Obey Allah and obey the Messenger; but if you turn away - then upon him is only that [duty] with which he has been charged, and upon you is that with which you have been charged. And if you obey him, you will be [rightly] guided. And there is not upon the Messenger except the [responsibility for] clear notification."

An-Nur 24:54

Politics in Malaysia...

2011-07-08T22:49:00.002+08:00

...is very very sad.

2011-07-07T21:29:00.001+08:00

I have been re-weighing my decision, well... contemplation I mean... decision might be an overstatement since I have never really decided on anything. I for one don't mind scoldings, I believe scoldings build a person, and I am really not one who take such personally. really. besides..., if you can survive sir R, you might probably be able to survive any other means of scoldings. but that is totally not the issue. because despite which, I have been really considering of extracting more experience before proceeding to another much-thought alternative. and also, I entered this not expecting candies. I am expecting harshness as that was the impression I got from the welcoming address, a challenge I was trying to take. and truth is that level of harshness I expected was never reached, to some they might already think of leaving, but to me that is still so nice and caring. I have been trying hard though maybe not reflected in the process, thus such view formed on that is definitely justified on other's part. don't blame others is something I really believe. if there's a problem, say the problem is with me, because when it is parked under us then we will be able to do something about it. I was still considering of trying a bit longer, to extract more experience., and to learn... because honestly such reminder is never my consideration of thinking whether or not I will be doing this because afterall I really appreciate the thoughts and concerns though it might comes in a way some people might not really be comfortable with. but it was justified. and on my part, I am really appreciative of such. honestly. truly. firmly I am saying this. my appreciation is real. I truly believes that once one spend time to remind you, they 'care' for you. it might hurt somehow, but medicine is bitter but good. that really will never be a problem nor an issue...

But when the issue of one specific file pops up,
it just came to me like a 'hint'. A 'hint'.
Was it really a 'hint'? Or maybe I am just thinking too much it is actually not it.
Or is that really a 'hint'?
...and that... definitely ask me to re-think,
....and re-think even more.

but in the end, I guess the reason of my (future) decision might be misconstrued. well I don't blame others for that... because I acknowledge the weakness I have in communicating and relaying what I really feel.

I am still thinking and considering, but in the course of doing so I swear I never once thought of taking things lightly. maybe it's just me and my carelessness feature. I remembered working hard on this one file for LLB yet in the end forget to have it executed. and it happened twice in a short span. bad I know. am fully aware of that. I can't think of any excuse, because I just don't have an excuse. and I am not that kind of person who who will find ways to create an excuse.

I need to tackle this... I really really need to.

MY PHONE DIED ON ME!

2011-07-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

*tajuk entri tiada kena mengena dengan entri. just because* -___-

deja vu.

the same situation.

the same scene.

the same lesson.

but in different shoes.

i have my gloomy phase also. please dont judge.

2011-07-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

Realizing her weakness but too coward to fight it.
She is a coward. and she feels so stupid.
It’s a matter of being pro-active, but she can’t seem to be able to effect it.

She looked up to the sky. dark and gloomy. trying hard to contain the water particles from showering.

Should she be angry to the sky for being dark and gloomy? Should have treated her with good weather to comfort her with!! Or maybe not, that will be as if it is teasing, adding more salt to the wound it will be.

Or should she be appreciative to the sky for being dark and gloomy. it might be trying to say;
.
.
.
dear friend, I understand, I feel it, and here I am, sharing the burden you are feeling.

stranger of own crib

2011-07-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

when mistakes seeped into your undertakings, have you ever wondered would life give you second chance? you walked that journey with that second chance held close you will never ever release it. but that treasure you held dearly just dropped, delicate, shattered on that floor. you stepped on it and bleed. the cut does not hurt as much as confidence does. shattered. crushing. how can things be on that much repeat. how can things be on that much replay she could not ever imagine. careless, negligence, or simply incapable....? have been own internal inquiries. once, is okay. twice, should it still be okay? thrice, that should not be okay don't you think? multiple and multiple of it.... now...is... that... saying.... something? now is the brain playing tricks? Y the first instance. Obvious Z thereafter. How can things be so deceiving? vulnerable really. brain easily deceived.

is this where she should be heading?
is this what she should be dearly holding?
or is this.... just... not... it?

Kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang? 2

2011-07-02T23:47:00.001+08:00

Tanya sama pokok, apa sebab goyang.

nanti jawab pokok, tangan yang goncang.

Tanya sama tangan, apa sebab goncang.

Nanti jawab tangan, tak takut tuhan.

>> Kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang?

2011-07-01T08:34:00.000+08:00

have you ever looked at something and was so confident yes this is certainly right only to look at the same thing on another day only to realize gosh how stupid it is obviously wrong. And then you started feeling down and feel so cheated by your own brain oh brain how did you play such mean and obvious trick?

On another note yay it is Friday.

will we be a good wife/husband? will we be a good parent? -___-

2011-06-29T01:33:00.001+08:00

EDIT: NOW THAT I READ THIS AGAIN, BOY HOW IT IS SO UNORGANIZED, SCATTERED AND SCREAMS GRAMMAR STUPIDITY VERY LOUD. things like 'is we really 'love'?' like ha?? and thousands others. but well i dont care. it was written terus menerus tanpa betul-betul berfikir dan membaca balik. so yes. if you cant deal with stupidly arranged grammatical error infused entry, you should avoid this to prevent you the annoyance.

i am sorry i need to let this out. sort of a conflict within myself. the cowardice in me. and the lost of questions with no answers. sorry that i am also not going to check the grammar, the capital letter and all that. ah well my grammar is usually bad anyway. but this time it will be badder (ok no such thing as 'badder' that was typed on purpose. ok 'worse'). sorry that my i is not of capital i because really there is nothing i can capitalize from having a capital i for the i as in me here for the i who is writing right now is in a delicate form. this is an entry telling my fears and weaknesses. the very weak and delicate part of me.

you know why i fear relationship? because i fear it will not work out. but no. you cannot. until when? a relationship will never work out if you never enter into one. a relationship will either work out or not work out if you enter into one. none for the former, probability for the latter. (see how the cowardice in me was fighting with some voice from whatever place trying to convince the coward in me). well i guess i just fear the uncertainty. none is certain. but to have either yes or no is too heavy a pressure. in that sense i am a pessimist and i am aware it is not good. please don't come to me and say all those things i am aware of them as you can see the arguments for and against has already been exchanged within myself. it is just... i don't know. well, let not blame anyone but me. yes. it is just... myself.

i fear that a person who tries so hard to impress you, once you accept them, then you realize that everything was a show. i fear that that person will never walk hand in hand with me with the things i am trying to seek and improve - religion. i don't seek for an alim ulama', but i see someone who can share the journey you know. i still have lots to learn, and in that journey i need someone to walk with me. not someone who while i seek god's blessing, was left behind not doing anything. i don't put a condition for someone who is a know-it-all so that he can lead me, and i will follow, that would be fine, but the least that i ask is someone to share the journey together. because well how can you say i want to have a good husband to lead me, when i don't do anything to better myself so that i deserve him, just as how a guy should not ask for a good wife to keep him on the path without trying to better himself so that he deserves her. you don't need to be perfect to wish for a good partner. the past might be murky, but in order to seek a good partner we undertake to better ourselves then it is not wrong to wish right? because afterall it is the present and not the past. but of course we must undertake to polish our present. kan? i know i am lacking a lot. There are lots of things i still need to improve. but i am trying everyday - though at times it feels hard - because ... i wish for a good partner.

This feeling of being lacking somehow make me fears lots of things. what if . what if. i know what if is not a good question. but what if because of my mistake i will settle down with a relationship which does not work out. and when i say relationship, i mean marriage.

have you ever ponder that far? i bet most have. a wrong partner you get will effect the whole family institution. then there comes the children. i have always been thinking about how to raise up children in this kind of world you know. in this world where relationship of men and women are not guarded. i am so afraid. i am so afraid that even when i watched the television i will go oh god how do i raise up my children with the TV's showing lots of unsuitable stuffs for the kids. i was afraid to raise my children in the town because of the peer pressure and lots of social distraction. i can imagine how hard it will be to control the children when everyone around them are doing the things i disallowed the kids from doing. how? when i was young, i didn't go out much, the parents did not allow me to and good things were they will always spend quality times and will be bringing me and the siblings for weekly outing whenever possible so we don't feel like losing much. but back then we didn't live in the pusat bandar. and the parents can free their times for outing.

in this competitive world, how do i control my kid and yet not having them rebelling - well everyone else can go out with friends, can go to club and all the things why my mother so jumud zaman batu - Ya Allah jauhkanlah. and to think that the work expectation in town will be very heavy, will my husband and I be able to spend our times for the kids, the quality times? i am so afraid really. for a child, parents are very important, how will it feel like if the parents can't give them the attention they deserve? i am really afraid of not being able to provide that.

when one take his exam result, the parents should come and celebrate. for every child. because if it has become usual to us, for example this is our 3rd UPSR (since it's the 3rd child), but for that third child, it is till their FIRST. with other work commitments can i still keep in track of such? to always have it firm in mind that however usual it has become to us, it is still the FIRST for that respective child. we might have went through the PMR of our first child, but we must still have the same excitement when going through the second child's PMR because afterall it is their FIRST, and as parents, we should not forget that.

I am still not a parent. I can say the above now. because i still dont have such responsibility on me. but will the commitments in the future made me weak and forget of such? i am so afraid. i am so afraid i can't be a godd wife. i am so afraid i can't be a good mother. i am so afraid i can't raise my kids properly in such free social environment. i am so afraid that my kids will be influenced to do bad things. i am so so afraid.

thus why when i see things like the Khalifah Method Seminar for Parents - Shaping Excellent Personality, a seminar for parents on how to approach the children and to shape their personality i was so interested though ironically i am not married, don't have a kid still, and am no parent. not that the seminar is for parents and teachers.

i am so afraid that sometimes i feel like if i have kids i will keep that in a box so not to let the world influence them (no, just saying, i am not going to put my kids in box). because i am too afraid of them being influenced and be involved in social ills, i am afraid that the education system teaches them to be racist, i am afraid that some extreme religious teacher will tell them to hate others just because others are from different religion, and i am also not fond of the system where islam is being taught by way of instilling mostly fear and punishment but ignore instilling the kindness in it. I grew up mostly listening about punishment. I grew up not understanding the reason behind certain stand in Islam making me less able to appreciate it. it is only as i grow up and when i start to seek up and open up to these things that i appreciate my religion even more. so i want my kids to be taught with the kindness in Allah, kindness in Rasulullah, the serenity we can get from his story, kindness in Islam, and not just the punishments. I want my kids to appreciate that. I remember crying so hard on my sister's shoulder saying how I love Rasulullah, deeply from my heart, after reading myself of his conduct and way of life. and that was... last year. and to think that i am a born Muslim of 24 years. When the ustazah asked us, sayang rasulullah? and we say sayaaaaang. and i was one of them saying sayaaang. but appreciating the word is another thing. I want my kids to be conversant of the kindness in this religion, it is not helping that Islam is being portrayed badly globally. and to blame others alone are just not right, because we the Muslim ourselves should take the blame.

I am so afraid of the things which would influence my kids, and certainly the world nowadays has with it full of obstacles, not like way back then of our parents and grandparents.

i am so afraid. when i heard of how open people has become, i got quite a culture shock when i went into university, only to be told that no even the highschool children are involved in this, that, this, that social ills especially in urban areas, i was very very surprised. don't look down because had i was born in such surrounding i would not know how would i become, would i be able to face the challenge? i might not be able to. the parents might not have religious grounding. the parents might not care. or the parents might care and tried the best, but the influence of the urban surroundings win over to influence the children. thus you see the youngsters being involved in such. don't look down at them because we don't know our ketahanan had we were put in their place. but a lesson can be taken from that. a reminder not to go down that route. I am afraid. Being aware of such situation, it is thus responsibility to guide my kids to not fall into such situation. Will i be able to?

and will i be able to find someone who will share this fear with me? who will be a good example to the children. who will get involved in their development. you will listen to some story of how stingy a father can be to pay for RM100 school fees when he can spend a lot on his smart phone. this is one reason where father is not involved in the education of the child. could not care less.

the future is very uncertain. education might cost premium in the future. other things as well. if we are involved with this, we would make a point to invest in an education policy for example. I remember going to a 'Konvensyen Kewangan Islam', this one guy comment on how it has become like a tradition of people taking loan to study, and study to get a job, and get a job and work to pay a loan. the question was basically on what's the role of the bank or baitul mal to address this issue but i will not go into that. sometimes we are fortunate not to take loan, but sometimes it is necessary for us to, based on surrounding circumstance. if we have loans, then we will need to pay it. and being aware of this issue, the responsibility is then on us to tackle this issue, by taking out an education policy for our children and then for the children to take the responsibility to do the same to the grandchildren and so on. either we choose to improve or let the cycle remains and never ends. the key is 'being aware'. and being aware.. to do something about it.

am i fit to take up all the responsibility?

somehow you will be influenced lso at how your parents raise you up. abah tak pernah berkira with spending money on our books. he spent lots on books. and by books it includes academic, and even COMIC books. he invested in computer when it was DOS-system (no microsoft at that time you need to type in command) and asked us to experiment with it. he didn't scold us when we damaged the computer, he said go on experiment with it it is okay so long that you can learn. As such, I'd wish to provide my kids also with such, and I'd need MONEY.

the problem is to have sufficient money you have to work, in the future it will be very competitive, but at the same time money is not everything, if you buy books and toys for the kids but you don't spend quality times of them that it is no good.

i am afraid of whether or not my husband and i can provide the children with the toys, books and time. If we focus on work, for the money we might be able to buy them such, but we might not be able to give our time which they deserve. I for one would prefer the time of my parents over their money. So TIME is very important for the children. But as parents we also want to provide them with sufficient others (other than time), so focusing only on TIME and neglecting would mean less money, less book to buy, less toys to buy, less opportunity as to bahan bantu belajar.

the key is balance. so that we can achieve both, spending quality times with the family, and also working to fund the family.

the question is, will i be able to?

and will i be able to be a good mother?

i am afraid. i am a pessimist in this aspect.

and

will i be able to be a good wife? will i be able to meet someone to share the family journey together. of course the above journey was wrote from my perspective, and I would need to, later on, incorporate the approach of my partner on how he see the journey should go forward, and balance our view together and make it a shared general base. Will i be able to meet someone to share this journey? Who will take this seriously and not treat the relationship as a time pass. Who will be together involved in the development of the family. Who will make me feel to bring myself closer to God. Who is serious of the relationship. Because sometimes people can easily says love but they forget the responsibility part. True love comes with responsibility. Are you prepared to bangun malam and layan baby bila menangis, are you prepared to pay for the treatment of your wife if she suddenly feel sick, are you prepared of sacrificing your private time now that life will be shared together as husband and wife, are you prepared to discuss and come to an understanding when there are thing you don't agree with each other (responsibility of both husband and wife la), etc. Love is tested by responsibility. If one cannot take and is not prepared to take such responsibility, is the 'love' real? how do you define 'love'? of course it is easy to say i love you without such responsibility attached. if you really love someone, you will be prepared to take such responsibility. you will be aware that there will be tests in marriage, but because you love each other, both of you will try the best to minimise fraction and don't easily give up. because when we easily give up, do we really 'love'?.

Sometimes do you sort of have a disagreement with your parents? or quarreled with them somehow? i did have disagreement with my parents over certain matter, but at the end of the they I will never 'give up' on them, and I believe they will also not 'give up' on me. because we really 'love'. if baru bergaduh sikit, dah rasa nak give up, the question we should be asking is, is we really 'love'? so before entering into a relationship, think of the many responsibility we will be holding after that, are we prepared to shoulder it? because if we think we are not, chance are we don't really 'love'.

Will i be able to meet such someone to share my life journey with? a serious someone i mean.

i even once told myself, at some extent if i can't find anyone serious, (because of course you would not want to tangkap muat just because. of course you would want someone who is serious about you, and is also serious about his responsibility afterwards right? just saying i like you doesn't count), i might just adopt children and raise them up. (though the question whether i will be able to raise them up properly still remains). of course i would want to have a complete family. But I don't know what's ahead. Something I want might not be the best for me. Allah knows best.

I submit myself to Him. i will keep on trying to better myself, in hope that Allah will grant me a good partner. afterall, only asking for a good partner without doing anything is just.. not... right... kan. so i will keep on improving. and i hope somewhere else someone is also trying to better himself, in hope that Allah will grant him a good partner. and i hope everyone will get themself a good partner provided we ourself are also trying to be a good partner to that one good partner we hope for.

the fears are real. i took all the above very seriously. they say the more you put an importance on one thing, the more afraid you are that it is not going to work out and the more crushing it will be if it doesn't work out. maybe that explains why i am a bit paranoid at relationship, why i always run from things. which is not good i know. which at times can also be good i know. ok see now i am contradicting myself. -____-

but yeah. the fears are real.

very real.

and i wonder why did I choose to write this out and now people to read. -__-

maybe because writing is theraupetic.

maybe because letting things out of your sistem make you feel a bit more at ease.

yes. the fears are real. very very real.

I am so afraid of thinking how the future will be. very very afraid.

i wonder if others feel as much fears too.

Kalau tak ada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang?

2011-06-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

pokok bergoyang bukan hanya kerana angin. mungkin ada tangan yang goncang.

It is the kindness and respect in relationship

2011-06-20T22:26:00.001+08:00

This morning, on the way to my workplace, Sinar FM was playing on the radio. the remeh temeh session. do you know about it? It is where the callers will complain on the most remeh-temeh things ever. I don't listen to the radio actually. usually the usual burned Hindi or Japanese songs will be playing over and over. But the brother drove the car last night and tuned in to Sinar FM. So it was an automatic tune-in for me this morning.

The complainants were husbands and wives. Do husbands and wives usually make the pool of this remeh-temeh Sinar FM complainants? I am wondering. since this is my first time listening to it.

And boy was I sensitive and emotional listening to that. It was disturbing. Each other saying their dissatisfaction in the most annoying tone ever I was so sad to think that how can husband and wife be so annoyed at each other I certainly don't want such situation in the future. T.T

I know there are bound to be some misunderstanding and dissatisfaction in marriage but to the extent of calling out broadcasting the small matter in such tone, I wonder if there exists respect in the relationship.

To me, marriage is a sacred relationship build on respect, among others. Misunderstanding and dissatisfaction are bound to happen. what do you expect of a relationship where two different people are trying to live a life together kan?

Communication is thus important. Accepting the other party the way he/she is, and at the same time both should be trying to better ourselves, together. We can't be using the reason 'terima seadanya' and do nothing with our shortcoming kan. Terima seadanya and improving ourselves (both the husband and wife) should be 'seiring'.

Sometimes we are forgetful, sometimes we are ignorant of the things we need to change. It's those part which might cause disharmony. it is of no harm to change that part for the sake of the relationship, right?

since we human are forgetful people, we sometimes need to be reminded, to be tegur-ed. Again...., communication. I think husband and wife should spend some times evaluating themselves through a 'civil' discussion, for the sake of the relationship. And this discussion should not be a debate arena where each Ego trying to trump each other.

While broadcasting the complaints on radio can be argued by some to be of benefit to public by somehow indirectly remind the listeners that we shouldn't do certain things which might be remeh temeh to one but big to others... stilll.... the tone and way people are complaining really didn't sit well with me. I can't feel any sense of respect in the voice and tone. Like the complainant is detesting the other person. Which is sad.

Dear future husband,

if....,

if there comes a time where I forgot to be loving,

where I seems to ignore things I should not ignore,

when my act does not sit well with you,

PLEASE TELL ME, nicely.

don't go and call a radio station to complain in such a hateful and unloving tone.

Tell me NICELY. and KINDLY.

And if there are some acts of yours which made me sad then I will also tell you, NICELY.

Then let us both try together,

try to keep the relationship beautiful.

We human are forgetful lots, we need to be reminded. And the reminder is for us to realize and correct our act and better ourselves. We human are also very rebellious, especially when reminder comes as a harsh reminder. Thus why we need to remind each other nicely and lovingly. for that will be more effective kan?

In this aspect, Abah gave one admirable example. When he was angry, or when he has something to say to you, he will do it in the most subtle way. When I did wrong, I apologized to him. He didn't yell at me. Instead, in a soft, and slow tone, he will say "It is ok. Just don't do it anymore", and he'll stop at that and be silent. You can feel the disappointment. Yet he didn't yell. You just don't know how that made me feel so guilty, and the tears just rolled down. Now that I think back, I might not take that much into heart if he yelled at me. Instead he never fails to make me feel very guilty whenever he talked and point my wrongdoings nicely.

Mama concurred. If there's something dissatisfying him, he will talk in a very slow and nice tone though you know he is actually disappointed.

In this respect I realize why when I feel disappointed and dissatisfied or angry, I will not yell but I will talk and nag in a slow motion, or not talking at all, or I will just smile without saying anything. When I do this, it is because I 'care' despite being in a state of disappointment. I guess I inherit that part from Abah.

Don't yell at me if I do wrong. Tegur me nicely, insyaAllah I will evaluate my wrongdoing and try to correct it. So long as it is done nicely.

Thus why I am a firm believer that you don't need to be so harsh for people to feel guilty so that they feel the need to better themselves.

Even Rasulullah is so nice to his wife. When people quoted him as an abusive person just because of that hadith of hitting the wife, I always feel how confused those people are, and how misconstrued the loving and soft Rasulullah has become. The way he treated and respected the wives are admirable. He doesn't yell at them. he tried his hardest to take care of the feeling of each and everyone of his wives trying his best not to hurt the wife by trying to be as fair as possible try reading the hadiths on his relationship with his wives and you'll get me (yang sesetengah tu pulak seorang isteri pun tak mampu nak jaga hati, and tak mampu nak adil, ada hati nak kahwin banyak pastu bagi alasan nak ikut sunnah Rasulullah padahal tak mencontohi Baginda pun langsung sedangkan kalau nak sangat bagi alasan sunnah, Rasulullah monogami LAGI LAMA dari poligami, and even start poligami pun semua anak2 dah besar, and kebanyakannya janda dan org susah yang kehilangan suami masa perang, bab-bab tu tak nak ikut sunnah pulak??? yang lain semua taknak ikut, nak ikut part yang 'kahwin banyak' je. -___- ok haha. ter-emosi di sini :P).

Back to issue. The hadiths on 'hitting' is actually by using the very end of his cloth. Not painful at all. And to some, this might come this to their mind... 'what's the purpose hitting by the end of the cloth? nonsense. what is that trying to achieve'.

And that... I believe is the poor reflection of how we are carrying ourselves nowadays.

When husband and wife are always arguing and bickering with each other, lack of respect, uttering distasteful comment, OF COURSE such symbolic act is NOTHING at all, and to be OF NO EFFECT.

But not when you see it in the context of such act coming from a loving and kind person a husband is. like how Rasulullah is.

If, if, by only reminding me so nicely, kindly and slowly I can feel so guilty to Abah without the need for him to yell at me, what do you think will I feel when a husband who treats me so nice, kind and loving suddenly feel somewhat disappointed at me because of one thing I did in an ignorance state, and he 'hit' me with the end of his cloth (gracefully) to somehow show his disappointment, yes it might NOT hurt me physically but I WILL FEEL SAD and down, and guilty as hell. (Provided that he has been a very nice, loving and kind husband all this while).

Thus why in an institution where respect is no longer the sacred things, such symbolic act of reminder might be seen of something of nonsense and of no purpose, because hek eleh--setakat pukul guna hujung kain-apa barang? ada effect ke?. because people forget being nice and kind to each others that such symbolic act is very 'small' and of 'no values and importance' when compared to all the bickerings, lack of respect and misunderstanding. But when respect and kindness are all over in the relationship, those hek eleh--setakat pukul guna hujung kain is a BIG thing.

The more kind Abah was when i did wrong, the more guilty I feel, and the more effort I want to take to better myself. I remember there is this one time when I went back home a little bit late from a bookfair with a friend. Permission has already been granted to go to the fair, but due to some circumstance we reached the rental home a bit late. Abah called, I felt very guilty. I answered and told him I am sorry. He didn't say much, his tone was not cheery, his voice sounds calm yet cloudy. he didn't yell, instead... he said something like this, "Alhamdulillah dah selamat sampai" in a slow, nice (though you can feel the disappointment), tone. and we hanged up.

And I just cried!

I called him back and funnily enough I apologize because I felt so guiltu. "Sorry Abah, yong tak sengaja". And he answered, "Tak apa, lain kali jangan buat lagi".

When someone has been treating you very nicely most of the time, even a short statement with a hint of disappointment will make you feel guilty.... No need the yelling.... Enough with subtle silence.

I LOVE YOU ABAH. You give me one important lesson of life.

So.

Dear future,

if I do wrong, don't yell at me, but guide me nicely.

don't complaint to others in a hateful tone,

rather let us discuss with each other and solve it.

I will talk to you nicely too,

I will remind you nicely too.

So together we can better ourselves for each other.

*Salahkan sesi remeh-temeh Sinar FM for this entry.

If you believe everything you read, better not read

2011-06-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

just a quick one;

"If you believe everything you read, better not read."

- Japanese/Chinese proverbs.

This proverb doesn't ask you to not read at all but to THINK and EVALUATE and NOT BE SUBMISSIVE of the stuffs u read.

________________________________________________________

long p/s: I have not write anything for quite sometimes, have not even checked my FB for a week. I am feeling somehow nostalgic I need to publish new entry with pictures so I can just in the future go back to the blog and smile while reading them. While writing something serious is something I enjoy in the process of it, reading own entry is just another thing altogether. I seem to feel happier being able to recall certain events when reading through light entries with pictures and stuffs. Gotta make diri sendiri happy once in a while kan? :) . too many things to write, too little time to accord self with. till later. bubbye. and be happy! :)

I don't have an idea for the title.

2011-06-11T12:54:00.000+08:00

I write because I feel happy writing, regardless of whether people actually read it or nor. Of course it will be a bonus if people read and get benefit from it. Even better if an exchange of ideas can happen (which rarely happens) in the form of civil discussion. Someone asked me why don't I advertise through linkage or through malaysian advertisement agency, maybe that can attract discussions? To tell the truth, I am afraid of association. To tell the truth, I am fine with writing without the popularity. I am fine without followers (thus no followers button in my sidebar). I am fine having miniscule amount of them, but valuable enough to exchange ideas. I am fine having miniscule of them, though not leaving comments, but actually read through and get something out of my writing. That is why whenever I look into my statcounter (it's invisible you won't be able to see it on the page). I'd love to see the length visitor stays on certain post to see whether they read through something or not. I'd also love to see which entry got the most visitors + the length (because even if that post got many clicks but the length are short for a long entry, it means people don't bother reading).

There is a saying that you will be fine with things if you don't ask for something in return. While I love discussion, my main reason is just to express, and if of benefit, to have people benefit from it through reading and I don't demand people to leave a comment for that's not the main reason why i write. Bak kata Ustaz Hasrizal, "Erti hidup pada memberi".

I will keep on writing and hoping that what I write can be of benefit even though I might not know whether indeed it serve anyone some benefit or might be nothing at all.

If you feel you can get something from my writing, feel free and utilise it. If you don't, then that's fine either.

A big swarm of people will give me pressure, really. Thus why, to answer the abooove question, I don't prefer extensive linkage through 'hello I have follow you please follow me back' thingy (with minor exception), and also an association through agency. To each, their own. Because those are good tools to utilize really :). Just that for the time being is not fit specifically for the flip-flop-I-want-people-to-benefit-but-swarm-of-people-give-me-pressure of me haha!

I prefer people to stumble into this space rather than I myself pointing you a direction to this. A link is somewhere, but they need to find it. If you see me in real life and ask me whether I have a blog, I will say, 'yes', but if you ask me to tell the URL usually I will not tell, though I will welcome you once you stumble somehow into this. That sounds flip-floppish, right?, but yeah :P

Oh, and I write sluggishly. Most of the time unorganized. Sorry for that. But that doesn't erode the fact that I like writing though the quality is a completely different thing altogether *coughcough*

A Boy Who Sells His Mother, Nur Kasih, The Bird And The Snake, and Crushing the Prejudice

2011-06-08T01:21:00.000+08:00

I am going to tell you;

a true story about a boy who sells his mother,
the significance of Nur Kasih on all the above,
a true heartfelt story about a bird and a snake,

and in the end, I hope you will realize;
why you should crush the prejudice you formed,
why you should stop the tendency to judge people,
instead try to understand the situation they are in,
because had you were born in their place.... how unfair will the staring eyes will then be,
because the owners of that eyes never know and never did try to understand the life of not being accorded with 'opportunities'.

The Boy Who Sells His Mother

Under that stinky bridge at Chow Kit, people are trading drugs. Like a market.
Not just drugs, women are also traded.

Stood there a woman, touching up her make up, with a boy standing next to her calling out for customers.

"sir, please take up my mother sir. RM30 only sir. First class sir. Promise". The mother smiled as the son did his job promoting her.

"RM 20, can?", the prospective customer trying to haggle the price.

"Cannot sir. RM30 sir. We need to eat too sir. RM30 sir. First class. Promise!"

The boy was 9 years old. He started 'helping' her mother when he was a mere 7 years old.

This is a TRUE story.

What is the first thing coming into your mind reading that? what do you feel? feeling disgusted? Looking down on them; the boy? or the mother? Are you going to go 'haraaaam!!'. Are you going to go 'what a lowlife?. Are you going to feel so 'superior' of yourselves that you are so clean and good? are you going to condemn and condemn them?

Had You Were Born In Their Place...

Just imagine, had you were born in the slums, had you were born from the womb of a sex worker, had you were born and grow up in the back street of Chow Kit and Lorong Haji Taib, had you were drown with such surrounding ever since you were small;

can you say with conviction that "no, even though I was born in that surrounding, I will still be this educated person I am, I will still be pure from such low lifestyle, I won't be like that, NO WAY!".

Can you really say that?

Because had you, or I myself, was born in such environment, I won't be able to say with such conviction.

They don't know the opportunity out there. Many have no education. They don't have money to learn. They just don't have the 'opportunity', the same opportunity being accorded to the fortunate us. We are lucky to be accorded with such opportunity. We are lucky to be born, even if not in a rich family, in a family who can afford the basic necessity of life.

We have no right to stare at those people unfavourably with heavy tints of disgust and prejudice BECAUSE HAD WE WERE BORN IN THEIR PLACE, we might not be able to boast the life we have right now. We might have no choice but to be the mother? or the son? Because in their world, that might be the only thing they see they can do. They don't know of any other alternative. The boy doesn't have education. The mother doesn't have money.

Then, you take a step forward. instead of condemning the son for selling his mother you start pitying him for being born in such environment. But please DON'T STOP there.

'what a low life of a mother! making her son to live in such life'.

DON'T. Go further. what if the mother herself, being born in such environment, that it becomes the only natural thing to do, the only natural work to do? No education, no money.

Again, we are lucky to be accorded with basic education, enough money to feed our stomachs. But them?

This is where the society is so unfair to judge. Being fortunate is not a right to look down on others. The problem with some is that we are too keen to judge and condemn, and then, DO NOTHING about it. What's the purpose of condemning then? it doesn't make the condemner anything better, really.

That Street They Lives In..

Do you know that the back street of Chow Kit (dan yang sewaktu dengannya) is a place of Urban Poverty? Some might not have no money at all for weeks. Many kids living there had no birth certificates. Many are not able to go to schools.

The residential community there are FULL, (if not all), with sex workers and drug addicts. These children live in such environment. And it is not weird that they will be the prospective successor of their mothers and fathers; as the future drug addicts and sex workers.

AND THE CYCLE JUST CONTINUES. Yes it continues, and still continues despite the continuance of condemnation and prejudice thrown;

by the society who ONLY KNOWS how to condemn and NEVER BOTHER to extend a helping hand,

by the society who FORGET, that being fortunate is a RESPONSIBILITY, not a MERE PRIVILEGE.

Responsibility to extend a helping hand.

Even if you are not able to contribute in money, or energy;
CRUSHING the prejudice, the arrogant staring eyes, and heart, will be good enough.

Don't Be Unlucky For Being Lucky

To think that we are lucky that Allah put us in a better environment than them. but don't let us be unlucky by forgetting that anyone can be thrown in such situation. If those people are tested with such situation, we, the more fortunate people are being tested with a comfortable living to see whether it will make us forget and make us arrogance for something not purely our own (cuma Ihsan Allah saja pun kan? Kalau kita di tempat mereka yang kita keji tu pun belum tentu kita mampu untuk lari dari keadaan itu).

I think I have written few times of being fortunate and not unfortunate, and the different challenges everyone were in, thus no right to judge and condemn. because if we are to be in others' shoes, the challenge we'll be facing are different. Like for example you have been accustomed with a way of life that you don't have to fight to practice it. while others, in order to change to the better (which you have been accorded with quite automatically) have to fight and enter into a new unfamiliar territory. which means, you have no right to condemn such others just because you are more fortunate than them (see here, among plenty of others entry of undertaking changes),

Nur Kasih and Chow Kit

There is this favourite scene of mine. Adam and Nur has this one learning and activity centre for the teenagers and kids. The setting was around the area of Chow Kit. These youngsters spent time there, Adam teaches these youngster indiscriminately. Anyone is welcomed. Girl, even though not hijabed. Pergaulan walau masih bertepuk tampar. He accepted them all, and he 'fills' these wandering heart with knowledge; religious and life.

One day, he invited an Ustaz to talk on the topic of fasting. And this Ustaz, seeing the 'deviants', 'improper' students, felt very much offended. He refused to teach. To him, it is against his principle.

(the dialogue might not be the exact dialogue. but somewhere along the line)

"What's with all these? The girls, are not properly covered.. the boys.. bla bla... tak jaga pergaulan... bla..bla... etc."

"that is why we are trying to teach them. to fill them with the knowldge"

"Tak ye pun, ask them to cover themselves first!"

"But Ustaz, if we forced them to cover themselves 'externally', but we don't 'internally' fill them with faith, the outer cover can be thrown out anytime soon."

"I am sorry. I can't do this. this is wrong"

And that Ustaz just leave that place.

Adam mumbled silently, dissapointed;

"If everyone only want to talk and teach 'orang masjid', 'orang yang memang dah baik' saja, then who are going to teach these kids?! to whom we are leaving these kids to?*sigh*"

Pusat Aktiviti Kanak-Kanak Chow Kit

Little did I know that Nur Kasih had its inspiration from a real entity (so I believe). Somewhere along the street, are 3 activity centres catering for the babies, kids, and youngsters of these unfortunate environment. the objective of these centres are to give these people a place to spend times in, with games, toys, books and activities, to distract them from the sad environment they are living in.

The centre helps handling their school issues. take note than many kids in the area don't have birth certificates etc, the social workers help them with their documents etc. The donation the centres get will go towards their education, extra classes, and also outings. And to be entitled for the outings, they need to have good attendance in school, and they also need to take part in activities and program in the centres.

The objective is so that they will be attracted to spend time in the centres with others of the same age, and to motivate them to attend school, which at the same time ( one of the main objective) will means that at least they will not spend more times in that neighbourhood, mingling with drugs and others questionable activities.

Private research show that kid as young as 7 in this are can already name different kind of pills and drugs, their neighbours are drug addicts, sex workers, even their families too. In one plot of the flat, are shared by many people. Just imagine these kids staying with these strangers in the free time. At least, after school, they have an activity centre to spend time in, few hours of theirs can be protected. Games, religious classes, tuition etc.

The Yayasan says they cannot buy lots and take out the mothers of this kids and put them in a new environment, which I agree, because you don't go and give fish that's not helping but teach them to fish. Through these initiatives of the activity centres, what they can do is to give these youngsters the opportunity and chance to dream, to have an ambition, to have the opportunity to 'learn'. In hope that they can be 'someone' in the future, and 'bring out' their mothers or families out from that place. Through 'education', and acceptance.

Quoting their advertisement for donation; 'a donation of RM100 can keep 20 children away from the dangerous street for few hours'

And an extract on Nur Salam / or now known as Yayasan Chow Kit;

NUR SALAM grew out of a day care centre, or Pusat Aktiviti Kanak-Kanak (PAKK) that was opened to serve the Chow Kit neighborhood in 2001 by the Malaysian Department of Welfare. Chow Kit is a low income area with a longstanding reputation for sex work, drug sales, and organized crime, as well as being a neighborhood of undocumented immigrants.

Most of the children are originally from Chow Kit, but there are also children who have come to the area from other parts of Malaysia, who may have been trafficked, or who may be refugees. Most children come from one-parent homes, and many are the children of sex workers and/or drug addicts. In addition, many of the children do not have documents such as birth certificates or identity cards; some are stateless and unable to attend regular schools.

Because the needs of Chow Kit were not adequately served by a centre open only from 10am to 5pm, two community members and a volunteer formed a partnership between PAKK Chow Kit and Yayasan Salam Malaysia. This collaboration allowed the centre to be open 24 hours every day, and to provide programs for all children in and around the Chow Kit area. The expanded centre, now known as NUR SALAM, opened officially in April 2007 as a program of Yayasan Salam Malaysia, with PAKK as key partner.

Yayasan Salam

I joined a Volunteering Basic Course Conducted by Yayasan Salam last weekend. The two stories on the bird and snake and also the boy who sells his mother I wrote above are true stories shared by the staff.

And the Volunteer Exposure Program I joined that day was a visit to Rumah Nur Salam / Pusat Aktiviti Kanak-Kanak Chow Kit, to conduct an English Game for the children. (refer to the heading Yayasan Chow Kit above for an explanatory version of its nature and operation).

Other group of volunteers went to other programs, Zoo Negara Volunteering Program and also another one, to ask for donations of food stocks at TESCO/Giant before distributing donated food stocks to unfortunate families around that areas.

And now let us proceed with the TRUE story of the Bird and the Snake.

The Bird and The Snake

There was this one retired army officer. He was setting up something (I can't remember whether it was a tent or something else), when he heard a chirping sound. "Chirp, Chirp, Chirp". He saw a bird carrying with it, a worm. Weird. He can't seem to find any bird nest. He can't seem to find any bird's offsring to be fed.

Then he saw a snake. The bird went near to the snake, chirping, and the snake opened its mouth. The bird then released the worm into the opened mouth. It left. The retired army officer felt very strange of what he had just observed.

The bird returned and repeated the same things for about 5 times. It chirped. The snake opened its mouth. And the bird released the worm into the mouth.

Why not the snake just eat the bird just as it releases the worm right. that can be done easily given the close distance. What is with the bird finding food and feeding the snake, right? Is it like 'wang perlindungan' or something?

And when the officer looked closer, do you know what did he find out?

The snake was..... blind.

Once an army officer, a tough person, but he just cried. Heck, I CRIED listening to this. I found it very beautiful, the relationship. The existence of charity within the animal community itself. Don't you find it beautiful. I can't imagine if I am to witness such scene with my own eyes. A scene showing how helping the unfortunate is not exclusive only to us humans.

The chirping might be a head up of 'please open your mouth, I have come and with me is somthing for you to eat' kind of hint.

Beautiful.

Lets Feed the Snake?

No, I am not preaching you to volunteer or what not.
Because that is certainly not the objective of this entry.

The objective of this entry is actually to remind people (including a stress on myself) on the existence of less unfortunate people beyond what we can ever imagine.

(laid below are true stories, and not just mere examples)

Somewhere live a grandma who need to take care of a sick husband, two mentally ill childrens and one mentally ill grandchild. How exhaustive is that? A grandma, with heavy burdens to shoulder. No one to rely.

Somewhere live a person not having money, homeless, sleeping at the side of the road. Can you blame them for not having money and the opportunity to improve their live when they have no education at all? or when they were born 'serba kekurangan'? when we, were lucky to be born in a family who can afford to send us to school. Thus, we have no right to compare. Imagine. had we were born in a hardcore poor family?.

And there live a sex worker who had no idea at all on other opportunities and alternative they can undertake because of total lack of education, because they were born and grew up in a questionable environment to begin with. Before we easily pass judgment, JUST IMAGINE, had we were born in their place, in the middle of the redlight district, no money, no education, brought up in a surrounding with such job being the most right, proper and natural thing to pursue, can we say WITH CONVICTION that we will never grew up as such?. 'alah, kalau aku lahir dalam slum pun, dalam keluarga sex workers pun, papa kedana pun, aku takkan jadi lowlife macam tu punyerla!', CAN YOU REALLY SAY THAT WITH SUCH CONVICTION?

I know I can't. I will never know, had I was put face by face with such difficult challenge.

Besides reminding the existence of lots of unfortunate people, this is also to remind people that sometimes these unfortunate people never did they have the choice to be born in a specific time and place.

We shall do away with those ugly prejudices, and looking down stares, and pure ignorance. This is the main objective of this entry.

Feeding the blind snake i.e helping the unfortunate does not entail only on lending a helping hand and donations, but significant is; BY CRUSHING THE PREJUDICES;

The Easiest Way To Contribute Is By ... KILLING THE PREJUDICES

Rather than condemning but do not bother doing anything (which WON'T CHANGE A THING), we can actually lend our hand to help. Donate money if you are able to. If no money, then energy, by volunteering. If not able too, giving out your books or other necessities. If also not able to, then it's still okay;

Gift them with prayers for a better future, and STOP the prejudices and condemnationn.

Because, in my view, even if there are only a small number of donation, a small number of volunteering efforts, BUT A LOT LESS OF PREJUDICES, I believe this world will be a better place for 'changes' to take place. :)

Prejudices and unjustified condemnation I believe are those usual reasons killing motivation and stalling people's efforts to 'change' to the better. sadly.

Not money, not donation, not volunteering energy; as the main objective of this entry. (as been repeated over and over)

The least that it seek to advocate is; to CRUSH THE PREJUDICE, whenever you see someone in a position less than you are. Because you never know whether or not you can face and handle the challenge if 'you' are the 'one' being thrown in such situation, . We are lucky we don't need face such challenge.

'lucky'.

not a 'given'.

So, don't be arrogant for not being 'tested' as such. If they are tested with such situation, we are tested with the nikmat to see whether or not kita ni manusia yang 'lupa'. 'lupa' akan nikmat yang Allah beri itu bukan untuk merasa diri itu besar dan lesen memandang rendah orang lain. Bila-bila sahaja nikmat tu boleh ditarik. Itu cuma 'ihsan' sahaja.

Don't be unlucky by being lucky.

Feeding the blind snake i.e helping the unfortunate do not entail only on lending a helping hand and donation, but significant is; BY CRUSHING THE PREJUDICES.

Lets?

(sorry for the all over the place unorganized entry. hope you are benefiting from the above despite it being quite messy and unorganized somehow. my sincere apology)

stucked.

2011-06-07T23:20:00.001+08:00

Aiyoh. who can enlighten me the difference between Chartered Islamic Finance Proffessional (CIFP) and Master in Islamic Finance (MIF) of INCEIF?

The CIPF v MIF page is not very much helpful. Both are recognised Master Degree. The difference are (for on campus study); CIPF can be completed in much shorter time than MIF. CIPF classes will be conducted during daytime while MIF will be in the evening or weekends. With CIPF you need to go for 6 months articleship and upon completion you can become the practising member of ACIPF. What is the privilege of being a member of ACIPF do anyone knows? Will MIF students lose anything for not being abe to have that privilege? How different is the scope between CIPF and MIF in terms of future prospects, and learning contents? What makes them different, and what are the reason of INCEIF having two programs instead of only one as a recognised Master Degree?

When I thought I have decided to go with MIF, now I am confused again.

CIPF or MIF?

break free and crash the prejudice

2011-06-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

when you look at others unfavourably with that tint of prejudice, just imagine growing up in such environment you yourself might not be able to break free had you were born in it. how unfair will those prejudiced staring eyes of yours will then feel, never understanding. for life were always bright and sunny you are drown in arrogance and too superior a feeling. comfortable living will then just becomes a mere pity. break free and crush the prejudice, shall we? :)

"Husband material. Husband material" - a friend of mine

2011-05-28T13:49:00.002+08:00

"Don't appeal through your properties, but through your personality. The properties will follow as the accessories. It is good to have the accessories so long as you have the 'main device' right? You buy those cute handphone cover, but you don't have the handphone, what's the point. When you have the handphone, you can do the main things, make the call and etc. Then, you might want to have the cover or to have the dangling thing to the handphone to make it more interesting, then that's fine.

Ada boleh, tak ada pun takpe, that's accesory :)"

(extract from the entry)

________________________________________________________________

Yesterday (friday) I went to Bar Council at lunch hour to pick up some document. Took the LRT. Can see people holding their praying mat, taking the LRT. *I smiled*. I stepped off at the Masjid Jamek station.

To reach the Bar Council, I need to go pass Masjid Jamek. Can see crowd of people listening to the khutbah and waiting for the time to pray. on the road, on the LRT Station pathways. a humble scene to me. There might even be those with high position somewhere in that crowd sitting at the side of the road, and thinking of this implied humbleness made me smile again.

I suddenly recalled and remembered a funny comment and reaction of a friend of mine whenever she saw such scene of people holding praying mats heading for the Solat Jumaat, she will in and excited mode go;

"weh, husband material. husband material!!"

Hahaha.
(though of course, that is only one of the important aspects of assessment which doesn't stand merely on its own obviously :P but indeed in the priority list).

Then at night, went for a movie date with Mama. Nur Kasih. (the third Malay movie I see in theater).

I cried from the beginning until the end can you believe it you can now laugh at me. haha.

I will be talking about the movie in a separate post. Certain issues have been very close to me and my entries, so I can relate. And ermm, maybe talk about the novel, The Alchemist, probably? Lets see. Or something on Islamic Finance since I have been reading that stuffs quite a lot to get an overview to decide whether or not I want to go into that direction. My reading now is very jumbled up, I jump between books. Bosan yang ni, tukar lagi satu, and so on, then coming back to the pending one and so on :P

Ok back to the story, on the way back home after watching Nur Kasih, a Ferrari stylishly overtook me, and Mama in an excited voice, 'Ferrari eh?', and I don't know why this accidentally popped out from my mouth.. 'tak heraaaaan', and I just proceed to laugh XD

Ok, random, irrelevant consideration, oh ok please make it relevant in view of the very first few paragraphs on husband material; Someone with Ferrari, a husband material?

Soalan apakah? haha.

a big nope for me, unless it is a bonus and not the substance la haha. i.e an accessory and not the standard assessment. You know, I realize that I am quite cautious with people with big bucks and expensive cars. So, showing off expensive cars are definitely not the way to catch my attention. Read: cautious only, am not saying bad things or judging downright. But a way to say how I don't go excited at the idea of such. I have quite few friends who will go "ohhh untungnya gf/wife/etc dia, ferrari tuuuu. nak jugak". "weh weh weh tau tak dia ni bawak bmw!!" hahaha, to each, their own XD But I, am not affected all of the time. Bawaklah Ferrari ke, BMW ke, Audi ke, am not concerned really. You can be driving a cute kelisa (saja je nak cakap kelisa cute because I drive one haha) and still have my nod because the substance is in your faith, and personality. And good personality would also mean that you have this attitude of trying hard to achieve or improve your standard of living, so if ayou want a bigger car, bigger house, lets keep on striving just that bear in mind that the stuffs are accessories, not the main thing. So when we have worked hard and we don't get it don't mind. We are judged on our effort, so I believe. Don't be too content, and don't be too wanting. Being content with modest living and neglecting effort altogether is not right also.

Bersyukur,

but still are prepared to strive for better position, within the religious ambit.

Wanting,

but are tied to the notion of bersyukur that we are not too greedy to resort to the most dirty extent as possible / any mean as long as one achieve the want.

I wrote this in one of my previous entries;

Bersyukur bukan dadah untuk mengkhayalkan manusia untuk berasa cukup tanpa terus berusaha.

Berusaha bukan arak untuk mengkhayalkan manusia untuk terus maju tanpa batasan agama.

Ok sudah membebel di sini, but do I make sense? :D

Don't appeal through your properties, but through your personality. The properties will follow as the accessories. It is good to have the accessories so long as you have the 'main device' right? You buy those cute handphone cover, but you don't have the handphone, what's the point. When you have the handphone, you can do the main things, make the call and etc. Then, you might want to have the cover or to have the dangling thing to the handphone to make it more interesting, then that's fine.

Ada boleh, tak ada pun takpe, that's accesory :)

Oh yes, coming back to husband material of praying. leading a prayer too! :) Not at macro level do I seek, those who jadi Imam kat surau or masjid nope, but sufficient in a micro setting i.e nuclear family. Jadi Imam untuk family sendiri pun is good enough I believe :)

Oh I was reading this hashtag #PickUpLineMuslimin at twitter; (just ignore some of the offensive one). And just because one of it is quite relevant with the sembahyang thingy; I'll just reproduce it here. It has been retweeted several times I don't know anymore who's the tweep. :P ;

"kahwin bukan sex semata. Tapi jadi imam kita solat bersama."

In Nur Kasih, there is this one part where the family solat jemaah sama-sama, anak-anak kecik yang comel ikut sekali. I was so touched. Mainly because in my family we don't really have that as a practice. I'd love to have that in my future household. if I have one la haha. A husband who lead the prayer, with wife and children following from behind.

Oh ok I will stop. entry penangan pergi Masjid Jamek tengok crowd of people praying and Nur Kasih nih. Oh yes,and it's good to see people in corporate suits taking a break from work for a while to fulfill their religious obligation. The balance. Good to see, really :)

Akan membebel lagi later :) Ok Bye!

Of Khamr (Alcohol), Gradual Changes, Tafsir, and an excited Zaza, haha ;)

2011-05-26T06:12:00.004+08:00

Hello!

I was reading Securities Commission's Bulletin on Islamic Capital Market, and somewhere on page 7 I stumbled into this extract;

"Initially, al khamr was declared to have more bad than good. (Surah al-Baqarah: 2:219). When Sayyidina Ali became the imam for prayers albeit in a drunken state and recited Surah al-Kafirun incorrectly (having the opposite meanings), Allah SWT merely warned His subjects against consuming liquor before performing solat. (Surah al-Nisa 4:43) Only when there was anarchy in Medina resulting from the consumption of al khamr did Allah totally prohibit it (Surah al-Maidah: 5:91–92.) alongside gambling."

(link to respective Qur'anic verses added for easy reference)

Hey, this is new to me!, I didn't know of these stages of prohibition of alcohol/khamr. This strikes a chord since I had just recently write on stages of changes.

When I talked about phases and stages in this previous entry, I merely refer to the stages of two completely different obligation or prohibition. I was merely referring to one time you are obligated to do this, later another obligation is revealed, and later a prohibition is decreed on one thing. I didn't know that the prohibition of Khamr, specifically, took place also by stages.

I also did not know of the reason behind the stage by stage prohibition, about drunken Saidina Ali etc.Well, maybe because when we, normal people, read the Quran, sometimes we are too detached from the background and situation of the verses in the Qur'an. We read the translation, but we don't know why it was revealed, which situation and in what point of time. ok that applies to 'me' la, I don't know about you, some might be familiar with all these things. Me, I really don't know most of the time :P

So it is nice to find out above the above which then led me into the curious district, which led me then to read a Tafsir Qur'an for the first time :)

Since the article didn't state the source of the background of the revelation, the curious me since I wanted to know whether the background comes from reliable sources or not, so I picked up Volume 2 of Shahih Tafsir Ibnu Katsir of the Qu'ran, which is still in plastic wrap in my sister's room.

Oh and so just you know tafsir and translation are two different things, when I was small I think they are the same things haha. tafsir qur'an is the explanation of the verses in the quran and also the background, story and reason behind the revelation of the verses, backed by sahih hadith. (hello nyah ;p sorry yong dah koyak plastic wrap for volume 2 haha).

I couldn't read the tafsir for the verse from surah al-baqarah though since the first volume of the tafsir is with the sister in Egypt, and also on surah al-maidah since it is in the other volume, volume apa ntah, and rasa macam sayang nak koyak the plastic wrap when volume 2 is still fresh and shiny out of the stripped protective plastic wrap :P

The relevant verse from An-Nisa' is in volume 2, and gladly made reference to all the 3 verses stated above, since well.. the verses are inter-related kan.

So, basically when the first verse on Khamr having more harm than good was read by the Prophet to Umar, Umar then prayed to Allah, "Ya Allah, jelaskanlah kepada kami tentang khamr dengan tuntas".

When the second verse on avoiding Khamr for prayers was revealed (which one of the reason because of Ali in a drunken state recited verse from Qur'an wrongly when he lead the prayers), Umar again prayed "Ya Allah, jelaskanlah kepada kami tentang khamr dengan tuntas".

When the verse to totally prohibit Khamr was revealed later, with the last phrases of Al-Maidah 5:91 being "...Apakah kamu berhenti?" , Umar then said, "Kami berhenti, kami berhenti".(I couldn't check on the anarchy in Medina thingy which lead to total prohibition as stated above since it is in the other volume of the tafsir, if you are rajin you might want to specifically check on that)

I have simplified the above, you can find and read the book if you are interested to read the full thing. This is actually my first time reading a tafsir, and Sahih Ibnu Katsir is one interesting book, it feels a bit like a story book as you can see why and when verses of the Qur'an were revealed. Suddenly I appreciate the verses more after knowing the scope it was revealed for. (Like, how can you love when you don't understand? Just reading the Qur'an I don't understand a thing because my Arabic is veeery basic at best, when I read the translation I can only understand the meaning but not really the scope, and now reading the tafsir can understand its scope so can appreciate the verses more. I think la)

And it is also good to be assured with the reliability of the background and story behind the revelation of the verses since Sahih Tafsir Ibn Katsir is a Tafsir Qur'an backed by authentic/sahih Hadiths. :) (be careful of those weak and false hadiths people.)

The author of the SC's bulletin also wrote this (right after the extract I pasted at the beginning of this entry);

"Why did it take three verses before decreeing al khamr as haram? Wallahu a’lam. We can deduce that it would have been hard for the subjects of Allah to instantaneously abstain from consuming al khamr. Al khamr had been customary for Arabs, thus its prohibition had been done in progression to enable His subjects to learn, observe and realise its evils."

***********

Those who reject Faith say: "Why is not the Qur'an revealed to him all at once?". Thus (is it revealed), that We may strengthen thy heart thereby, and We have rehearsed it to thee in slow, well-arranged stages, gradually.

Dan orang kafir berkata: "Mengapa Al-Quran itu tidak diturunkan kepadanya sekaligus?". Demikianlah, agar Kami teguhkan hatimu dengannya dan Kami membacakannya secara tartil (beransur-ansur, perlahan dan benar).

( Al-Furqan 25 : 32 )

Wallahu'alam.

Sorry if I bore you to death with this! I am actually wondering whether people would really read this entry until the end haha. if you read this conclusion, means, you read the things? then wow thank you very much for persevering and silently entertaining this excitement of mine. I am just very excited to know about the above as it is very very new and novel to me, and this is also the first time I ever read a Tafsir and I actually find it very interesting!

since I am very excited so just thought that I'd share ;)

Till later!.

:)

The prophet said; 'It is sufficient that a man has lied who narrates everything that he hears'.

2011-05-25T06:54:00.003+08:00

The IKEA fiasco is sickening when people just love to jump into conclusion without checking the facts. I admire how responsible the management is to undertake action 'voluntarily'. I would feel more confident with such attitude as it shows that they are serious in assuring the status. That needs to be applauded. Rather than keeping mum and keeping things under the carpet, responsibility is shouldered and action undertook to remedy without being obliged to. If you read, it is not even their fault as the problem involved product which is already certified. Not their fault, yet see the responsibility being shouldered? And the transparency adopted? Compared to some other corporations who keep mum and silent when controversy comes crushing.Well, you know, I dont even find the need to be defensive here as i had only ate there once and I can definitely live without them, but here I find the need to comment generally at how some people blow things out of proportion which just turned me off.

This is actually not an entry about the fiasco. This is an entry about the careless sharing of things. The careless spreading of things. The simple-mindedness of sharing without checking its sources, without ascertaining its reliability. Tendency to blow things out of proportion. Tendency to sensationalize news by adding extra 'facts' to the original news. I have been making entries about source checking lots of time, in different scope and situation of course (and just to point to a few, see here, here, here , etc). At some certain times, the knowledge discipline thingy even proliferated my tweets and facebook status.

People are adding artificial branches to the trees just because the news would sound better, and 'better' still to attach a link between a star product to further boost the entertainment value of such news. It is good to be vigilant of your foods, that is very good, but don't, in the course of doing so, create stories or sensationalise them.

You see, like a 'practice' people spread things without even checking and ascertaining. Then you have the whole loads of 'unascertained' news floating in the internet, funnily multiplies by millions in a short period just for the sake of spreading it 'oh wow this is interesting I got to share it with others'.

While some are done in good faith, to share the religious concern, NEVER EVER have that justifiea a knack of spreading things without at least trying to ascertain its reliability. If one has undertake necessary action to ascertain the truth, through the checking find that it is so, spread it, and later found otherwise, then that's forgiven, at least the effort is there.

In Islam, if you undertake due diligence in arriving to a decision albeit being wrong, you still bag 'one pahala', instead of 'two pahala' if your decision is right. The key is, DUE DILIGENCE. It is the effort in arriving into something. But the problem is that people are too accustomed of spreading things without checking, they don't bother checking.

Have you stumbled into this Hadith?;

The prophet said; 'It is sufficient that a man has lied who narrates everything that he hears'.

(This is reported by Imam Muslim in the preface of Sahih Muslim)

'But sharing is caring' you say?, yes, TRUE, but not 'negligent' sharing.

Jangan dengar je terus sebar, dengar je terus sebar. Jangan begitu senang menyampaikan apa sahaja yang kamu dengar kerana ia sudah cukup to be considered as menipu. yes, based on the above hadith, it is sufficient lying just by doing that. Instead, do what we are expected to do; the process. of. checking.

Try to ascertain things, and after that, whether we are right or wrong, let it comes with basis and not just blind reproduction.

later.

stage by stage.

2011-05-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

It is sad to see people going down the ugly route of condemning people. Being more fortunate or blessed is not the ticket to look own on others. I did a post on CHANGES before, sharing how the changes I undertook were in 'stages'. It was an entry which I penned in response to my disappointment witnessing how some people who are undertaking changes are being subjected to mockery, ridicules, condemnation just because they are expected to be PERFECT in 'a blink'!.

For example, one is just starting to wear the hijab, though it might not be perfect but acknowledge their courage to actually change! instead people are giving out ugly comments, looking down on the 'imperfection' while forget to notice their 'courage to change'. Good that you are properly hijab-ed, good you are wearing decent cloth. If you were brought up that way, then lucky you don't need to fight for it. Undertaking a change is a 'fight', because one is leaving behind something familiar to her to something unfamiliar. and some people actually got the guts to shoot down that effort just because the change has yet to be perfected. that is shameful act. Being properly hijab-ed, wearing decent clothes do not give you a ticket to look down on others.

Throwing out ugly remarks IS a reverse sign of decency. Decency is not just the clothes you wear, your words and manners too.

What is beautiful about the Quran? It was revealed in stages, according to events, over a period of twenty-three years.

"(It is) a Qur'an which We have divided (into parts from time to time), in order that thou mightest recite it to men at intervals: We have revealed it by stages.
Dan al-Quran itu telah Kami turunkan dengan beransur-ansur agar kamu membacakannya perlahan-lahan kepada manusia dan Kami menurunkannya bahagian demi bahagian.

(Al-Isra' 17 : 106)

Just imagine if Quran was revealed in one shot, it would be very hard to the people who were very familiar with the way of living of the zaman jahiliyah to accept it. (Well, even when it was revealed stage by stage, the coming of Islam was first not well accepted, what more if it was in one shot). Those days adultery, zina sana sini, tanam anak perempuan hidup-hidup, trade of oppressing nature, drinking of alcohol etc were prevalent (actually it is kind of sad for me to actually say that looking at the world now, we are generally reverting to that sad phase?)

( Al-Furqan 25 : 32 )

Quran was not revealed in one shot. One time, alcoholic drink was prohibited. Another time, decree to cover your Aurat was revealed. Etc. Etc.

Can't we somehow take lesson from that and try to apply the hikmah of having Quranic verses revealed stages by stages, to our present situation?

Let us encourage the person who is undertaking change rather than condemning and further discouraging them. The changes might not yet be perfected. well we ourself are not even perfect. So let us together side by side improve. stages by stages. Can we? Indeed, we can. The question is not of 'can' but a question of 'want. Either we want to or not.

So lets! :)

i am weak. i fall too.

2011-05-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

i talk about not judging yet i am the one who judges. i talk about don't berburuk sangka, yet somehow I fall victim to such shameful act. i feel sorry for myself, I feel guilty as hell, but at the same time i feel so thankful to realize. so dear self, lets not judge, lets not berburuk sangka. lets pray for all the good things for others and our own selves. lets be pretty through our thoughts. good thoughts, pretty thoughts. lets just discard the ugly syak wasangka. Ya Allah, please bless my life, and please bless also the life of all the important people in my life. Amin. :)

2011-05-14T16:44:00.004+08:00

Dear Nyah.

despite us being big fans of Hum Aapke Hain Koun, I bet you never know this exists;

2:37-2:57
and the rest lah.

............

am totally smitten.

am walking away please there be no roadblock

2011-05-14T12:47:00.001+08:00

I am walking away, trying hard so that I wont be stopped in the middle of the road,

to be lost again not finding the way out i need to be strong.

I am walking away, my steps advanced but why this feels so wrong?

But I need to release myself from this living cell the kind of which I will never be sure of.

uncertainty is killing. I rather be ice cold. rather be ice cold.

this time around i need to be firm and to totally wipe things off.

this time around i need to be strong and return back to the same old same old.

to the same old same old...... ice cold.

rather be ice cold. I rather be ice cold. until there's a proper rope to hold.

Things were fine before on the same track the same old same old.

I should have not ventured out into that tricky zone.

But I did. I ventured out of from that familiar zone and now I am lost.

if this is a mould, it is round and I am oval, am not fit to go on.

I am walking away, trying hard so that I wont be stopped in the middle of the road,

to be lost again not finding the way out i need to be strong.

oh I can see it now, the way out, at the end of the road.

I am walking away, to return back to the same old same old.

I am walking away, please oh please there be no roadblock.

I am walking away, dear me, i need to be strong :)

the doubt

2011-05-14T11:25:00.001+08:00

Doubting self is not good.

But when the time comes,

when I start looking down on myself.

will there be someone to pat me on the back,

and say 'rise above it, I believe in you'

for me to continue fighting despite feeling so lacking.

The time of doubt seems to has come...

2011-05-12T21:49:00.000+08:00

hidup umpama roda

racist bunch.

2011-05-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

I hardly talk about political preference in the open, ok maybe because I don't have a specific preference. (the existing parties have been inconsistent and full of contradiction, that the benefit of the issues has not lean in preference or favour towards any. so, for me, it is now beyond parties. I rather focus on the issues, the substance over shell, unless one manage to be consistent with their stand and chose to 'serve' knowing that is the legitimate expectation rather than thinking that they are giving favours to the people they OWE their positions to).

But for this Perkasa, in the open, I clearly denounce them extremist racist bunch of people (most of them orang-orang atas, if not all). There I say it. I denounce them with a passion.

Now want to say saya derhaka melayu? Haha, since when did Perkasa becomes a 'characteristic' defining a Malay? Regardless of Perkasa's existence or not I am still a Melayu nevertheless. But more than anything... I am a MUSLIM first. With that conscience, I am embarrassed to see those so called 'Malay superiors' sputtering out racist/petty/stupid remarks I believe my religion would never approve.

Bye.

Challenging yourself vs Knowing your limit

2011-05-02T13:48:00.000+08:00

A facebook conversation with my dear sister I feel the need to share.

She asked;

Antara cabar diri VS know ur limit/sedar had mampu, apa garis pemisahnya?

To which I reply;

Don't make knowing your limit a reason to bar you from challenging yourself. a successful person looking back at his first step might not even foresee his success now. challenging yourself is a continuous process. How would you know a limit when you don't even try kan? no one can ever strike the exact line.Those set by religion is a limit clear enough not for us to go beyond, but other than that, maybe after all, a limit becomes a limit when people stop trying?

She replied;

"maybe after all, a limit becomes a limit when people stop trying?" beautifully said :),
but what if after trying one still feel like he cant go on, maksudnya nak try sampai bila? the sky IS the limit after all kan?

And I commented back;

‎'sky is the limit' went back a long time ago when people indeed thought of the sky as the limit, yet see how we are now the witnesses of man reaching the moon? :) but, stopping is no embarrassment either, it might not be your limit, it is just that a different priority is calling so that you have to stop. when to know when is the priority to stop? sadly I have no answer with me. You 'can' go on. But do you want to? it might not be a question of limit, but a question of wanting or not. :) ....maybe.

Well, in life, most of the questions have no exact answers, and most not only have no answers but attract even more questions. So now, a question attracting another question;

'When to know when is the priority to stop?'

to stand and paint?

2011-05-02T00:29:00.003+08:00

I sat down in that little corner. pondering where life will bring me to. the same routine, the same ritual. it would be nice to break free once in a while and venture into the unknown, the unexpected. but fear has always gotten the best of me. an unfamiliar territory has always been a dark alley I'd usually find myself avoiding from treading into. for the fear of drowning in a sea of uncertainties. oh how I fear uncertainties with a passion. but this too careful steps might miss the fruitful junction. now covered and blinded from the passer-by from the delaying stance. wastage of chance, wastage of opportunities. I see hands extended and changes effected. creating admiration all the same a jealousy, for inability to paint a smiling picture on the face of others. useless now a self-speculation. a non-contributing figure it feels. the reason are aplenty. not values. not ignorance. not unpreparedness. but a knack of staying still and delaying. might become a silent enemy too careful a plan and too elaborate the thoughts. for the gears are not moved. the complex structure remains a fool's pride only for its aesthetic value void of functions. sad really. but so long when the tools of fleshes and bones can still function, there would be no reason a change be pledged impossible. is it? I sat down in that little corner. pondering. would that tiny light of hope sprinkles the glittering miracles all over? ....in a big explosion of do and doers.